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Forming strong emotional bonds?

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Bubbles137
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07 Jun 2012, 12:09 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:
For me it's an all or nothing kind of deal. If I bond with a person I usually BOND with the person full blown, almost so I'm clingy with them. I hardly ever bond with people though. This is usually a problem when I'm in a relationship, I'm usually too clingy.


I'm all or nothing too :( hate it because I usually end up scaring people off by annoying them by mistake, or I like them but they don't necessarily like me. Never been in a relationship, lol.



RockDrummer616
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07 Jun 2012, 1:40 pm

I think I form bonds too easily, with people I barely even know, as long as they seem like a nice person. I miss people from my high school who I barely even did anything with my whole time there. (I'm excited for tomorrow, when we are having an alumni brunch. I can't wait to see some people again.) At college, when I actually got to know people, I was so sad to leave because I wouldn't get to see anybody over the summer. I have been worried lately that bonding with people will only hurt me in the end because I had a friend who I had known for a long time who stopped doing anything with me or even calling me to talk. I'm still angry at him even though I haven't seen him in almost two years, and I'm worried that my college friendships will end up like that one.


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Kiseki
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09 Jun 2012, 10:01 pm

I just made a thread sort of about this. Yeah, I don't feel these close bonds either. I used to think I did, with a select few people, but I realized it was just because I was drinking at the time. TBH I worry about it and it makes me somewhat depressed. I want to hang out with people, yet when it induces these kinds of feelings, I feel like I'd just be happier locking myself up in my bedroom :(


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Kiseki
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09 Jun 2012, 10:03 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
I used to be the complete opposite when I was a child/teenager, bonding strongly with anyone who was kind to me. I'm a lot more leery of others now that I'm an adult after having been emotionally hurt by people who I trusted in the past. I have a few people who I feel extremely attached to - my mom, my brother, and a few close friends - but as for everyone else, I'm distrustful of them at best and I can't stand them at worst.

Interestingly, the strongest bonds I have ever formed (with the possible exception of my mom) have been with fictional characters. It's a one-sided bond, certainly, but it's also the safest bond. They may not be able to touch me or reciprocate my love, but they can't ever hurt me either.


100% the same for me. I have felt DEEP emotional pain over TV characters. Never the same in real life. And I also don't trust people much nowadays.


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treblecake
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09 Jun 2012, 11:02 pm

reecare wrote:
I don't form bonds easily, at all. I like to think of NTs as carbon- freely forming strong social and emotional bonds, while I'm a noble gas, rarely forming them. That being said, I do form them sometimes. Going into that "sometimes" the bonds are usually either temporary or go on to be very strong. "Temporary" as in... the people at my college. I could transfer and I wouldn't miss anyone at all, save for maybe two people. Strong as in the bond with my boyfriend and my best friend of nearly six years.

Do any of you guys readily form emotional bonds? Or do you NEVER form them, or fall in the grey area like me?


Haha I love your similie :lol: NTs are like carbon, that's so true :P

But in all seriousness I feel quite often I fall in the grey area. I've never been a loner and at school I have quite a few friends but I don't have any kind of 'best' friends. My friendships always get to a certain level of being good friends but never progress past that to the stage of really 'clicking' with each other. Occasionally though I do start to feel close with a friend but then I observe them and soon realize that the bond was one sided and I don't mean nearly as much to them as they do to me and with that the closeness that I felt just dissapears.



Omnicognic
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09 Jun 2012, 11:19 pm

PTSmorrow wrote:
I don't form emotional bonds with humans and don't miss them, the only way to interact is via a common interest, but i prefer online contacts now, penpals when i was young. However, if a person starts to become personal :!: ,that is, rambling on personal stuff, not topics, like their family, relationships, stories from their past, all this human crap, i withdraw immediately since i consider this a waste of my time. The only beings i really care about on an emotional level are my cats.


All of the above except cats. I have nothing against cats and find them beautiful and intriguing. They however, seem to enjoy making me bleed. :wink:


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09 Jun 2012, 11:42 pm

I have formed bonds with people. I bonded with my family and friends. I had difficulty bonding to others but I bonded to people I liked. The bad part be I would get clingy. Apparently there are social cues about how to be with your friends because as a child some felt I followed them around. WTF. Don't friends do that? I also went to their houses a lot to see if they can play and I ca remember them telling me to come back tomorrow. I would wait till tomorrow to go back. I also remember when I kept going over to my friends' to ask if they can play and they kept saying no. I would go back like an hour later and ask again seeing if they can play now. After coming back a few times, one of them said "No and don't come back." My mother would feel sad for me because she could see they were avoiding me and I didn't pick up on it. She never told me then. I also remember feeling sad when they would move. Then I would get over it and not miss them anymore.

I also remember seeing kids I would I like and they didn't like me following them when I would try and play with them. Lot of times they didn't like me either. Now today anyone I like I refuse to bond with thinking they won't like me anyway if I were to try and be their friend.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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09 Jun 2012, 11:52 pm

I followed other kids too. Once, one told me "Stop following me! You are just like a puppy!" At this point, I realized the kid couldn't stand me. Before, it didn't dawn on me. This was at a church camp.



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10 Jun 2012, 1:31 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I followed other kids too. Once, one told me "Stop following me! You are just like a puppy!" At this point, I realized the kid couldn't stand me. Before, it didn't dawn on me. This was at a church camp.


I had that said to me...4 years ago :oops:

I have a bad habit of intellectualizing people and making them sort of my special interests. Then I wanna hang out with them all the time and talk to them about stuff. People really take that the wrong way.


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Cogs
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10 Jun 2012, 1:32 am

I dont have bonds with people, dont even really get what such a bond is. I dont care about most people, and do not feel emotional connections with people.


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Heidi80
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10 Jun 2012, 4:11 am

I form emotional bonds wit other aspies



reecare
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10 Jun 2012, 9:06 am

Kiseki wrote:
I just made a thread sort of about this. Yeah, I don't feel these close bonds either. I used to think I did, with a select few people, but I realized it was just because I was drinking at the time. TBH I worry about it and it makes me somewhat depressed. I want to hang out with people, yet when it induces these kinds of feelings, I feel like I'd just be happier locking myself up in my bedroom :(


that's exactly me! minus the drinking haha



Kaelynn
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10 Jun 2012, 11:01 am

Yes and no. I do form bonds with people but its very hard. I hate meeting new people, which makes it harder. When I finally am bonded with someone I dont tend to show them how much I care about them. But what I dont understand is how is a hug and an "I love you" every now and then not enough for people??