Are you the only AS person in your family?

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earthmom
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10 Jun 2012, 5:00 am

I read these books and stories about AS and nearly all the time it's a supposedly NT family that suddenly (out of nowhere) pops out an alien kid who they discover has Asperger's Syndrome. Okay....

Alien? Out of no where? No one else in this family has any of these symptoms? The entire AS lineage starts with this one kid?

I'm 51 and I learned about my AS while trying to figure out why my son was so different (and not functional in school). My search for him led to the "OMG this is me" revelation.

With new information I started looking further up the family tree and my mother is CLASSIC Aspie. My older brother is over the top Classic Aspie. My older sister is absolutely Classic Aspie, My grandfather was so Aspie - I mean you don't even need to guess once you know the symptoms. I'm less true classic AS than any of them. I can see clearly where I got my symptoms from, and how I passed them on to my son.

I've never been able to relate to the stories of the nurturing or the support or the extra help at school or counseling or ANYTHING because I was in a totally AS family and either ignored or abused most of the time, frankly. It was demanded that I succeed, always, just because it was required to do so. If I did succeed at anything they said "Of course you did well, you're my daughter" and nothing more. No rewards or pats or encouragement. Just "Of course - that's expected". If I failed, I was sorely punished. From privileges removed to actually beaten. It was unacceptable for me to fail because it made them look bad.

Add an abusive family to the total confusion of AS and you end up with a real mess.

To get back to this lineage thing - I've since met people who have kids with AS and they go on about how they learned what AS is and how they're dealing with their little person's "problems" and they insist he's the only one in the family with issues. At times it's glaring how totally AS these parents themselves are. But they seem unaware of their own symptoms, and just point to the child.

I'm assuming this is due to AS being more widely recognized now. The parents and their parents never had anyone around who was trained to recognize it, so they just never got labeled and just don't have it. :\ Their kids got spotted in school and tested and/or labeled so everyone thinks it's just this generation who suddenly has this disorder.

I don't think it's hardly ever just this generation. It's not all as sudden as we hear in the media either. I think it's because it's understood now and spotted more often.

I think Temple Grandin once said a study showed that most AS kids have a parent either with AS or with clinical depression. My own mother has been clinically depressed most all of my life, but I believe she is depressed BECAUSE of AS, which she has. I've discussed AS with her and she flat out refuses to listen - just refuses to admit it could be true because she is afraid. Depression I guess sounds like a 'normal' disorder, one that's not too bad, just a little down (she's been on a dozen meds for clinical depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD and others - for more than 30 years now) but Asperger's sounds serious, like mental illness. Autism - FORGET ABOUT IT. She will NEVER admit to anything with that because she knows autism only as some kind of mental illness where people are "ret*d" - severely non speaking, etc. She is not open to learning anything other than those outdated impressions.

Does AS run in your family (either going UP - your parents, grandparents, etc - or going DOWN - your kids)?


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NeueZiel
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10 Jun 2012, 5:20 am

My Father- Most definitely AS or on the spectrum. Obsessed with science, went to college for microbiology and geology. Had some of the motor skill problems I had as well. He was never officially diagnosed, since AS didn't exist until after I was born. He displays just as many symptoms as the standard WP poster. He made the most of his eccentricities and enjoyed forcing them on me as a kid and even took me on a little field trip to a sewage treatment planet when I was 5 to try to get me into microbiology.

My mother - She told me she had trouble fitting in while growing up and after hearing about AS and talking to the doctor who diagnosed me she thinks she has it. I don't know if she does.

My Grandfather (Dad's side) - Mega OCD, had certain routines as well. Displayed the classic OCD symptoms, like always putting a certain shoe on first. Rest his soul. :cry:

Grandfather's Father (Dad's side) - I never knew him and he died when my grandfather was a teen but he was supposedly an inventor and had several patents. Was never rich or famous but liked to built his own devices. Maybe he had some kind of AS?

Dad's Sister's Son - Had a very rough time growing up. Stuttered (still does) though he went to school and ended up getting married and is a well liked person. According to dad he had lots of emotional problems and was growing up during a time that was rougher for those displaying spectrum attributes (70s-80s). Don't know if he has AS, but he does have something. Very successful now though.

I have another relative on my mom's side, I don't know his exact relation, he's older and got drafted into the Vietnam War but Mom tells me that he most definitely has aspergers and he displays savant level skill in stuff like music. He was never able to integrate himself into society and I don't know what he does now, I don't even know if I've met him before.



Last edited by NeueZiel on 10 Jun 2012, 5:24 am, edited 3 times in total.

Washi
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10 Jun 2012, 5:21 am

My grandparents are NT as far as I can tell, my mom has depression, my Dad isn't an aspie but he has some issues, my two older brothers are NT, I'm an undiagnosed aspie, I have a son with autism. I have two cousins who have Asperger's diagnoses but they also have bipolar diagnoses (which is why they are diagnosed, they needed meds for the bipolar whereas I don't have those sorts of issues), one of them has 4 children 3 NT kids and one son with classic autism, the other has 2NT girls and I think she said her boy was diagnosed with ODD. Both I and my cousin who has the autistic son have some weird birth defects that are not hereditary, I see both genetic and environmental factors at play.



Last edited by Washi on 10 Jun 2012, 5:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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10 Jun 2012, 5:31 am

I'm the only Aspie in my family, but it doesn't bother me.


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Guineapigged
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10 Jun 2012, 6:35 am

I am the only person in my family who has a diagnosis of ASD. However, my parents, older brother, and late grandfather definitely exhibit some traits. My grandfather was aloof and distant, my brother has intense and unusual obsessions, my mother likes routines and repetitiveness, and my father will happily drone on and on about a topic whether you're listening or not. I guess I just happened to inherit enough of those traits to warrant a diagnosis.



Tawaki
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10 Jun 2012, 8:41 am

Fior's mom, who is in her early 70s, is hands down an Aspie. He also has two nephews who are early tweens, and are having Aspie issues. OF COURSE, Fior's status grubbing, in total denial, that those two boys could possibly have anything as horrific as ASD, are not willing getting the boys any help. One just got bounce for the rest of the year, from school, because of a meltdown. The kid has sensory and transition issues a mile wide. What kid just doesn't thrash a classroom because he was feeling rushed and the teacher took his test because time is up?

Anyway, Aspies run in families, is my take. You might have to cut through the white washing and denial to find it though.



012victoriaa
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10 Jun 2012, 9:07 am

Two of my cousins are classic AS - very early signs - but they live in rural upstate NY with their parents, who are in complete and utter denial, and will probably go undiagnosed for the rest of their childhoods.

A lightbulb seemed to go off in my mother's head when I began the diagnostic assessment process. She's opened up about her differences. I wonder if the parent evaluation will lead to a revelation...

I do wonder about my younger and youngest sisters, too, but I suppose none of this is really my business. If they are, they'll figure it out at some point like I did.

Yes, I believe AS runs in my family.



bizboy1
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10 Jun 2012, 9:22 am

I think AS runs on my Italian/Sicilian/French side.



treblecake
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10 Jun 2012, 9:35 am

My dad has depression and I'm pretty dam sure my mum is an aspie due to her weird habits like writing down the scores off TV game shows. As for my brother well as a kid he used to memorize bus timetables nothing says AS clearer than that.


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Last edited by treblecake on 10 Jun 2012, 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

TalusJumper
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10 Jun 2012, 9:47 am

earthmom wrote:

I'm 51 and I learned about my AS while trying to figure out why my son was so different (and not functional in school).

<snip>

Does AS run in your family (either going UP - your parents, grandparents, etc - or going DOWN - your kids)?


I am 46 and my story mirrors yours. Of course, AS wasn't diagnosed when we were young, but it all made sense when our son was diagnosed and I learned a lot about myself and why I am so different through my son.

To make a long story short, my dad showed classic symtoms, both me and my brother, my son and my nephew. We are not connected with our family outside of this.

Also, other the other disorders that are prevalent in our family are ADD\ADHD and our daughter has an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa- restrictive). She is currently in a center for treatment.


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Last edited by TalusJumper on 10 Jun 2012, 10:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sora
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10 Jun 2012, 9:55 am

Here. I'm the only autistic person in my family that I know of.

I suspected my grandfather for the longest time, but all I could base it on is that he liked quiet every now and then and preferred to outline important activities. As I learnt since then, he was however very successfully with his business and very hands-on, polite/not awkward, not impaired and socially knowledgeable and good at interpersonal diplomatics. He might have been highly intelligent or gifted.

I can spot the ASD and autistic traits in other kids (and some of their parents) but I can't identify BAP in my family. No other diagnosed disorders in the large family that I know of either.

ADHD probably runs in the family on one side but pure ADHD definitely isn't any more similar to autism than an intellectual disability or dyslexia are. Of course, there might be an underlying genetic connection though.


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deltafunction
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10 Jun 2012, 10:30 am

I'm the only diagnosed aspie in my family, but I think my brother may have it (he's a computer nerd with a monotone voice, and doesn't really get out much). I swear my mom has it by how oblivious she is to social norms. But she believes that because she had friends growing up, she doesn't have it. I think she's oblivious to how oblivious she is.

But I also think my mom had clinical depression for a large part of her life while I was growing up (mostly due to me... she seemed to blame herself for how badly I turned out as a daughter...) My dad also doesn't get out much and is a loner, but he is also better at holding a conversation than my mom. Just because he is better at figuring out what the other person wants to talk about.

Anyways, if my parents don't have it, then I also qualify for the spontaneous aspie scientifically. A recent study correlated older parents (especially fathers) with spontaneous cases of autism. My parents fit the bill.

http://www.nature.com/nm/journal/v14/n1 ... 1170a.html

Quote:
I think Temple Grandin once said a study showed that most AS kids have a parent either with AS or with clinical depression. My own mother has been clinically depressed most all of my life, but I believe she is depressed BECAUSE of AS, which she has. I've discussed AS with her and she flat out refuses to listen - just refuses to admit it could be true because she is afraid. Depression I guess sounds like a 'normal' disorder, one that's not too bad, just a little down (she's been on a dozen meds for clinical depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD and others - for more than 30 years now) but Asperger's sounds serious, like mental illness. Autism - FORGET ABOUT IT. She will NEVER admit to anything with that because she knows autism only as some kind of mental illness where people are "ret*d" - severely non speaking, etc. She is not open to learning anything other than those outdated impressions.


The same could be said for me. My mother's impression of autism was the inability to speak, so when I brought up fears that I could have AS, she flat out said I don't have it. Now that I am diagnosed, she doesn't want to talk about it, and blames herself for not playing with me more, or having more of my friends over. She read some of Tony Attwood's guide to asperger's syndrome, but still denies that I had any symptoms in childhood.

But my mother is from your generation. I'm surprised that she isn't more open to the idea of mental disorders which are from birth and unable to be cured. She's slowly coming around, but I think part of it is that she does not want to admit that she has it.


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kx250rider
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10 Jun 2012, 11:06 am

As far as I know, I'm the only one. I have several of the alleged genetic predispositions to autism; older parents (mother was 41 and father was 67 when I was born), and I am first born/only child, and was a 10-month pregnancy. Everyone else in my family was very social, and there weren't any family members with strange interests or hobbies, so I'm fairly confident that I'm the only one. If course due to the older parents (both died when I was 20), and not knowing my father's side of the family, I don't know if there was any AS or Autism there. Nobody around to ask on either side... I'm the lone survivor of the family. My last living relative; my aunt, died in '04, so it's just me and the genealogy books...

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10 Jun 2012, 11:23 am

The woman who gave birth to me is on the spectrum, amongst other deficits as is her brother, her sister seems to have made it out unscathed. My Grandpa was on the spectrum, special interest Engineering and Harmonica, He turned the engineering into a career, worked on projects such as a couple of Candu reactors, Copps, Toronto Sky Dome upper level and the Garden City Skyway, taught himself to read blueprints when he was seven. I think he might have been HSP because he never had a TV or radio in the house they "annoyed" him. His brother, who spent the last 10 years of his life a recluse till he offed himself, was HFA.

My sister seems okay, but I don't really know her well. I know she went through DT's when she was born like I did, almost died at birth like I did. She has some vocal issues, but it's hard to tell over the phone. She hums but I don't think she even knows she's doing it. I spent 3 days with her two years ago, but she was drinking almost the whole time, we didn't relate well.

My Grandmother denies any neuro/mental/physical health issues come from her side of the family every time I talk to her on the phone "It all comes from his side of the family, none of this comes from MY family"



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10 Jun 2012, 11:29 am

Um, I prefer to not be referred to as ''alien''. I consider myself a ''person with Asperger's Syndrome''. But otherwise I get what you mean.
But I come from an NT family. Both my parents are NTs. My brother is NT. My aunts and uncles are all NTs (OK, maybe one of my aunts might have Aspie traits but not as Aspie as me, and I'm mild), and all of my 14 cousins are NTs. I remember when my youngest cousin was born, I wondered if he might be on the spectrum because it wouldn't be fair to just have me as the only Aspie, but now he's 9 and it's obvious he is NT so I am still doomed to be the only one with a condition. I would feel better even if one of my relatives had another condition that also prevented them from making friends like a typical person can, like Mental Retardation. But no, they are all NTs with typical brains. It's not fair.

My mum says the AS has come from her dad's family, where one or two of their grandchildren (who are very distant relatives to me) are on the spectrum, and one has ADHD. But none are severely affected, just mildly affected like me. But I get more angry because why has my stupid grandad's family's AS gene gone into just ME for, and nobody else in MY family??????! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

OK, don't get me started on this because it makes me spitting mad.


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10 Jun 2012, 12:34 pm

I'm the only autistic person in my extended family. Nobody else even shows symptoms.

My dad has generalized anxiety and panic attacks, and my mom is introverted. That's about as far as it goes with my parents.