Avoiding becoming bitter

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How do you do it when faced with so much rejection and ignorance in life? I dont want to be one of these people who hates everyone else but its so hard when Im faced with sh***y things happening to me on an almost daily basis. Like today I went to the shop just to buy some cigarettes and the shopkeeper just looked at me in such a distainful way for absolutely no reason. I know I have trouble making eye contact and making small talk is pretty much impossible for me with people in that sort of situation, but Im a nice person and I think I deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. The more stuff like that happens the more anxiety and self doubt I experience when doing similar things subsequently, I have to jump through mental hoops to build up the courage to do pretty much anything outside the house these days as a result. I want to be a happy guy and not let it bother me but its so hard and every time something like that happens to me I feel a little bit of my happy-go-lucky nice side die and be replaced with a "well f**k you too" attitude. It seems very time I try to step out of my shell and reach out to someone Im shot down too, I wish someone would just give me a f*****g chance.

I see people posting on here who still manage to keep a positive outlook, I just wonder how they manage it.

The other person doesn't know your full story, and has no right to judge. If she does anyway, it's on her karma, and is her loss.

I don't know the other person's full story, and have no right to judge her either. If I do anyway, it's on my karma, and she isn't worth it to me.

I know how you feel and I lament getting bitter and cynical and anti-social. I remember a couple of years ago I went back to my hometown for the first time in a while. Growing up we had the worst house on the street and my family's pretty dysfunctional so when I was helping to put my sister's son in the car I noticed an elderly couple looking over as they were going for a walk. In my head I was thinking 'Yeah have a good look at the dirt poor freaks you nosey old codgers!' and said to my sister 'What the f*** are these two looking at?' I said it purposely so they would see me saying it and looking at them because I felt like a zoo exhibit on display.
My sister looked around to see who I was talking about and then said 'Oh they're Mikey's friends (her son we were putting in the car). When they walk past they say hello to him and he says hello back' and she laughed nervously because I had created an awkward situation. The elderly couple put their heads down and kept walking. I was so disgusted and mortified with myself Anyone who knew me then would have been too because they'd have known it wasn't like me to lash out like a low life in that way, at least not the me I was up until my late teens.
I know it's tempting to justify people's assumptions sometimes and actually give them a reason to eye ball you or look you up and down like a freak but you'd have to stoop to their level to do it. Acting out means that you're validating their stupid mental heuristics and you just become a self fulfilling prophecy. If people throw peanuts at you everywhere you go you can either act like a monkey or make them see their own absurdity in judging someone they know nothing about. I think it's more fun to react to people's antipathy and ignorance, no matter how much, with a forced smile and a 'You have a lovely day too!'

Write a "I HATE EVERYBODY!" letter and list every example of incivility and unkindness you can think of. Feel free to have your own pity party while you type up your letter. Then after you're done, save it to a Miscellaneous folder in your hard drive. And forget about it. Or return to it a month later, to add to it or to delete it.

Sometimes when we have no one else to vent to but ourselves, a never addressed and never sent missive is better than talking to a therapist.

I did this recently. Shed tears too. And afterwards I felt so much better.

Years of rejection and being avoided and not listened to have made me deeply bitter and cynical :/

I know people can be ignorant, I know in this world people are just full of judgment.

I'm not sure if this is relevant to you, and I'm not saying your doing this, but sometimes maybe you yourself are reading far too much into their looks? And are assuming they are giving you a dirty look, maybe they are not great with facial expressions ? Maybe that wasn't the case, but sometimes people stare by mistake. My boyfriend stares at people, and it's really rude to do but that's part of his issues, sometimes people think he is giving them a mean expression or when he is spacing out that he is ignoring them, but it has nothing to do with that. Another issue my boyfriend has is he makes wrong assumptions, about peoples intent, and he explodes/gets angry about it. I think its because of all the picking on he has had all his life, sometimes someone says something a certain way, and he just assumes they are attacking him . Or he misunderstands. It happens all the time to NTs too. (I don't know if my bf has AS, but has traits of it)

For example Dan_undiagnosed, in your story they were simply looking, but to you it felt rude they were gawking at you, but sometimes people look at others because they are waiting for a moment to catch eyes to say hi. Or maybe you look familiar etc. Or maybe your attractive etc


Sometimes people think I'm glaring at them because I squint badly outside from the light/sun etc. I remember in highschool my brother was walking home( I was already at home) And the sun was in his eyes. It was summer 30C+ He had his sweater over his arm, squinting/long walk home. And a car came whipping around a corner as he was crossing the street, his eyes must have followed the car. Then all of a sudden the man in the car flies out the side of the car, while the car is still in motion, runs up to my bother. Gets in his face screaming at him, "You got a problem?? Starring me down??" My brother kept saying "hey hey man I wasn't even looking at you, im just tired came from school and walking." My brother is liek 17 this guy 30 . My brother kept saying "I dont want a problem with you, im sorry if you thought differently"

blahblah threats he walks away. The next week my brother sees him near his house and the guy runs up to my brother my brother was thinking "aw crap*Should I run for it.." The guy walks up to him and apologizes says his gf was giving him a hard time and he shouldnt have done that especially to a high schooler, and it was wrong of him and he was interpreted it as the wrong thing.

I'm not saying you misunderstood, as I don't know you or how it went down. I'm just saying it could be a possibility especially if there were no words spoken. Or she could be a complete b*TCH. which happens..Sometimes I'll say Hi, or how are you or have a good day, to the workers and they are just in terrible moods. Some people hate their jobs.

Like the clown at my sons preschool party today. JUST TERRIBLE, she kept telling 2-4 year olds to "Sit down NOW and be patient" and was super monotone, and even slapped (lightly) a kids hand who tried to touch the popcorn she made

achem...sorry too much talking..

the simple answer is to forgive people.

Don't do it for them...do it for you.

They know naught what they speak.

You're far smarter than they are, and can understand complicated concepts that their minds could never wrap around if they tried.

They're very intimidated by you, don't really know how to approach you, don't really know what to think of you...simply because they don't understand you, and their minds really aren't equipped to fully do so.

You're meant for so much more in life than they will ever be able to comprehend; and those that are worthwhile--while they may not fully comprehend it themselves--will appreciate the value you bring to their lives, even if they do a lousy job showing it most of the time( and believe me, they will).

You are responsible for your positivity. The clerk has his/her own problems, which are way too boring to concern you. Forget the face, just count the change.

What I do will probably sound worse than it actually is. I have come to the realization that the opinion of most of the people in the world are not worth caring about. I will never speak to most of them in any meaningful way so why worry about what they think? The people I concern myself with are those I interact with on a regular basis. This doesn't mean I am rude to anyone ( if anything I am overly polite) just that the random person you don't know who, for example, doesn't like your shirt, isn't really important to your life so it's not worth worrying about their opinion. People judge me wrongly all of the time because I wear shabby clothes or drive an old economy car but I honestly don't care. They don't know me or wish to know me so I see little point in stressing about it.

When random strangers pick on me in public I feel bitter, like when they push past me or make me move out of the way in shops when somebody else next to me actually in their way but still decide it's more fun to make me feel like the nuisance. I glare and look so angry, but people take no notice (don't know if it's intentional or unintentional), but I wish they would take notice because I want them to know that I feel frustrated with them pushing me out of their way, and I want them to feel guilty. One of these days I know I'm really going to lose my temper and find myself storming out of the shop in a way that makes everybody look.

This is where I believe empathy is not an NT thing, because people frustrate me, they must know they're doing it if they choose to target me all the time, then look surprised when I act bitter about it. Well, how do people expect me to feel when being picked on all the time?

Keep learning things, become obsessed with multiple subjects and pick up as many positive habits as you can, not for other people, but to improve your own self-esteem. Also I've found that SSRIs can help, but they are by no means a miracle drug. Since taking prozac I don't feel perfect but I've felt a bit more manageable in terms of bitterness and negativity. I just do my best to avoid feelings and thoughts that could trigger me to feel badly. Its impossible to completely avoid them but if you just try to then that will help.

You'll never feel anything but sh***y if you just think of how others have screwed you over, how life isn't fair etc. I still do become paranoid when alone in public and I do have some very bad moments but the difference now is that I try really hard not to dwell on them when its done.

It's easier to live as a happy person than as a bitter one. Don't give others the power to take that away from you. There will always be negative feedback and if you're anything like me you are prone to embrace it. I have to actively work to stay positive and it's not always easy, but you are the one who will benefit from it.
As for clerks, they have crappy low paid jobs and are often bitter ... don't expect too much from them.

I've avoided it by realizing that I am not the only one in the world that people are rude to. I've also learned to speak up and say something back, which makes me not a victim.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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