Does crying over empathy mean I don't have AS?

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One question: If I think I know how people are going to react, and it's because I think they're not firing on all their cylinders as fast as I am, does that make me cognitively strong because I'm PREDICTING a set of common reactions, or cognitively weak because it's a generalized prediction, based more on thinking that I've cracked the code to the game, rather than cracking the code to the individual? Or is it one in the same because the individual (an NT in my example) isn't really that much of an individual at all if *I* - an Aspie - can figure out their reactions.

I am not sure I understand your question. Aspies can certainly develop a set of rules about social and emotional situations - approach them in a kind of "scientific" or "rational" way and learn the general rules.

So sure - you can use your general cognitive abilities to understand other people, and you may be able to do it well. But that doesn't mean you are doing it the same way (or as intuitively and easily) as an NT would do it. This is one of the reasons why Aspies get drained easily during social interaction: we are having to work harder to keep up, and it takes its toll. Of course, social interaction also produces a lot of subtle (and not so subtle) sensory overload as well, which doesn't help - like multiple conversations, sudden raucous laughter, people moving about, eye contact, etc.

Something that'll warp your mind:

"NTs" often don't have empathy for those with an ASD, as they can't read those with such.

I guess... I kind of handle a lot of things in life like an evaluation... me evaluating the other person's skill in a conversation, and vice-versa, like a chess match that no one else knows I'm playing. Once I win (figure out my opponent) I can set my gear speed to something accordingly. I can just auto-pilot on the right level, because once I get to that point in the conversation, it's not too hard to auto-pilot and blend. If I meet someone far more intuitive than myself, I have to keep on thinking and working the conversation. I have to figure out the other person's hidden agenda (hidden to me, not necessarily hidden on purpose) and continue to react accordingly, which requires effort.

So that's the game. And well, there's this thing about first impressions. If I say something to test the waters - something to kick off the conversation and see how the other person reacts to me - then I might be trying to take their queen in 4 moves.... just jump-start the game with a quick 'attack' so I don't have to play the game all day. I want to know where everyone stands.

I don't know if that's making sense. I think I'm reiterating what you said about approaching NT's scientifically. I'm just figuring it out in my own terms that yes, I do it too. Sometimes I'm a bit too prideful about it. Like I've figured it all out. But you're right; everyone here is right. I'm really effing tired of it.

So... the reason I'm confused about this is because I feel like I'm good at reading people, possibly better than some NT's. But it's from obsessing over it for 15 years and approaching people/conversations from the ground up (the adult-learns-a-foreign-language thing you'd talked about.) And that's the thing - it was natural for them, and for me it was chess. Am I understanding you correctly?

Again, I'm sorry (to all) that my question didn't make sense and looked all me-me-me. It's an Aspie board. I'm an Aspie. I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this crap.

Now I'm confused again, because it is stressed again and again - even in the movie - that connecting with other people and understanding emotions is pretty much the opposite of Asperger's. I'm still convinced I have Asperger's, but now there's this great big cog in my thinking. Why do I cry over empathy? Am I excluded again?

There is a spectrum of empathy in ASD people (as aspergers is on the spectrum too, it's included under the general ASD heading). Thus, you WILL have SOME shared feelings and emotions with others in certain situations where you realize what is happening. If you see someone obviously hurting, you will probably hurt for them too. If it is a more subtle thing though, you probably won't notice it because you are blind to it. For me, I have to learn specific people in order to relate to them. So, someone I have worked with for a few years I can generally empathize with fairly well. However, if I am around someone new then I probably will have a tough time with it. It isn't that I don't wish for shared contact but rather that I don't know how to read them.

For example, a co-worker of mine was seemingly romantically interested in me. However, while I could judge that something was different about the way she was responding to me, I did not pick up on the attraction-even though I was attracted to her. To me, I saw a range of possibilities for what she was thinking that went from love to hate and so I was confused (this has happened several times to me with different people). A co-worker who is NT though immediately picked up on it being an attraction and told me why (I asked). I had noticed some of these things but could not put together what they meant. Thus, I didn't know how to feel and share that moment with her. Now that I have been told what to look for though I am more ready to understand these situations in the future. Therefore, I WILL share the emotion next time but not from intuition but rather from an intellectual appraisal of the situation. In the end, the emotional response is the same as it would be with an NT, but is arrived at in a different way.

If I can go off on a tangent here, this is why it is exceedingly difficult for many ASD people to find love. It is not that all of them do not desire it but rather that the nature of the situation requires instinctual reactions that are lacking. For a man, this means that the woman expects him to know what she is thinking through subtle signs she sends out. When he does not respond to them she thinks he is not interested when he is but can't tell she is. Someone who is ASD, ESPECIALLY one who has had a lot of bad experiences with romantic rejection, will wait for the other person to show them they are interested in a way that is blunt and to the point. The romance game does not work that way though and so they never connect.

It means you don't have one of the characteristics of Asperger's. As I understand, it's a complex diagnosis where you must show certain symptoms, but not all of them.

I notice that I have more empathy for some people/characters on TV than people in real life.
I find that a bit odd.

I notice that I have more empathy for some people/characters on TV than people in real life.

No, it does not mean that. What you're describing as lack of empathy is not an autistic trait, it's a psychopathic trait.