Starting to doubt whether I have Asperger's/autism...

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...but I know I have SOMETHING!! I was a quiet kid who had extremely strange obsessions and was really picky about "silly little things" when I was little, and could memorize lists from phone books and encyclopedias and even the dictionary that most people would be bored out of their minds to even think about! So yeah, classic case of Asperger's in childhood. After that, though, things started to change. Thanks to my being enrolled into a school for children with learning disabilities, I started learning to socialize with other people, which was probably one of the biggest breakthroughs I've ever had!! And I had a lot of friends at this school! The school was elementary, middle, and high school, so I continued going there in my high school years.

It was during my high school years that I now realize (in retrospect) that I basically turned myself into a different person without even realizing it!! My once unified circle of friends had now started splitting off into two areas - the "nerds" and the "stoners". Not one to compromise my "moral" integrity, I chose to hang out with the "nerds" (and plus, humor was, and always has been, a HUGE part of my life). I had always been mystified as to why they were into things like video games and anime and sci-fi, none of which I had ever been into. The more Aspies I had met, the more I realized practically ALL of them were into these subjects!! I felt like I was the only one who wasn't! I've since discovered there are others who fall outside the "typical" Aspie field when it comes to interests, but they're RARE!! !

I recently made a connection that things like video games can serve as a means of escaping reality, so then I at least understood why most of my friends were into these sorts of things. But the older I've gotten, the more I've come to realize I do NOT like escaping reality!! I like connecting to it! I've realized I'm basically....well...here are a couple ways of putting it - a hippie without the dirt/drugs, a hipster without the snobby attitude, well, I think you get the idea by now People like that (as far as I know) don't usually have Asperger's. They do have SOMETHING, though!! I wouldn't call hippies/hipsters "neurotypical" (well, not most of 'em anyway), but there isn't usually a diagnosis associated with them either!! Well, except for maybe "drug addict" But I know that's not what I am, hahaha!! So then what am I?!? Are labels even important here?! What should I tell someone (without Asperger's) if I mess up in a social situation, that I'm "quirky"?! A lot of people are!! In an ideal world "quirky" would be an acceptable answer (many people who describe themselves that way do take medication, have/had therapists, etc., I know I'm not the only one!!) But I just don't know if most people would run with that. If I simply told people that my problem was that I was "quirky", they'd probably respond to that with something like, "Then you can control your actions next time instead of acting like a weirdo!" So help me!! What am I, and does it matter?!

Is the only reason you have for doubting you have AS that you don't like "video games and anime and sci-fi"? If so I would have to say you probably still have AS.

A young kid trying to figure out who you are...

The super cool kids like video games, my family loves science fiction. Hispster* and cool college freshman alike are doning cardigans (nerd) sweaters. LMFAO wears glasses. Nicki Manaje and Lady Gaga love to give an awkward stare into the camera for their music videos. We're in a time in our culture that is embracing it's inner nerd.

*Just so we're clear, I loath hippies and hipsters.

I doubt that there are very few people outside a doctor that could fathom a guess if someone who has asperger's change and not have it? I don't believe that's possible.

You sound like an ok dude. I guess the question for you is, tell me how you will feel if you have the label of aspergers and, tell me how you will feel if you do not have the label of aspergers.

I have a label, I just wrote about it in the general forum. I suffer from ENT disorder or Excessive Neuro Typical disorder. I'm have trouble coming to grips with it. But it is what it is.

Take whatever label you want & use whatever label others want, when they ask. I don't know why you guys have so much attachment to a label, they change with time. Well maybe not all. If you need help then you need it, simple.

You have the label of a Brain, that is something. Or maybe Human, that is something. Unless you rip apart the umbrella term.

Then your left with Human With Loads of sub-labels.
& Brain < Human.
& Frontal Lobe < Brain.

& we can keep going. Lets just cut to Nameless, as a Tao Poem has.

"Its nameless period was that which preceded the birth of the Universe". Ye they we go we cut to the ending label.

Sounds to me like you are an Aspie--you determine your interests, not your friends. With NTs, I think it works the other way--it is more important to follow your friends, avoid to being "different."

Thank you everyone for your input! I think a lot of you misunderstood the point I was trying to get across, though (however, it's easy to see why ) It's not that not having "nerd interests" makes me think I'm not an Aspie, I know people who have Asperger's and don't have these interests (they're EXTREMELY rare, though, from what I've noticed!!) It's more the REASON most of them have these interests (as far as I can tell). Video games and science fiction are ways of escaping reality, and perhaps also for knowing that you're not the only one who is "strange" or "weird" (the latter reason would apply mainly to sci-fi). I don't like escaping reality, and I also happen to love socializing with people, regardless of what their diagnosis is, or if they even have one to begin with! I love music, poetry, and just being creative in general, because it moves me, and (again) makes me want to connect with other people, and share my experiences of being human with them! I would not call myself "neurotypical" by ANY means. I think it's pretty obvious I have SOMETHING. I just don't know what that something is...

Well I myself love writting and the all the related and I sometimes like to socialize too, so it's pretty similar. Aspergers usually have some difficulties to socialize, it doesn't mean they don't want or like, just it's not easy, most of the time.

"OK. If I had the label, I'd feel fine, but I'd also feel like a square peg in a round hole."

You'd feel like out of place or that you don't fit in?

Hey GriffinGuitar12,

from what I understand of what you have said it sounds like you are in a good place, feel able to make a difference and to navigate the life you have built for yourself with a good fluency. That's great man. It helps massively to feel great, if in fact you do feel that way, and having a insight into what you enjoy is key.

On the subject of reality and the leaving of it....(you suggested others are possibly avoiding it) its a complex thing. From the sounds of it we have both had a good time by putting in time with other people, rather than straight video gaming or cataloguing or something over the past few years. And that's a general life lesson everyone NTs and Aspies can benefit from building on. BTDT has a point though: we are on the spectrum and so our lives still need to fulfil different needs, in my experience it can be pretty hard to not spend a lot of time with friends, because when it is going well often great laughter can light up our lives.if that's our thing. However there are over things we need to work on and I admit I have been overly engaged by the reality I've built with my mates.

I wonder how you have explained yourself to your mates: what do you want your friends to understand in the future:

All I can say from own experience with reality is that it is really important to be able to work (gain skills), work (gain salary) and work (dedicate time to be with friends during their and your harder times), in some form of balance with recharging via hobbies, chatter and sleep. This alludes me from time to time, and sometimes my mates just pull me straight back into reality naturally, and sometimes theres downtime I could do without.

I surprised that you were actually helped at a self-contained school; I was put into one of those and told that I was a genius [they tested my IQ like eight times in the year I spent there], but apparently given primarily grade-level material, the one exception being reading. [I've always read at about five grade levels ahead - at least - of my peers.]

"I had always been mystified as to why they were into things like video games and anime and sci-fi, none of which I had ever been into. The more Aspies I had met, the more I realized practically ALL of them were into these subjects!!"

This is a misconception; those are not everyone's special interests. In fact, while I love video games and anime and sci-fi and fantasy, my special interests are world history, sociology, and linguistics - particularly etymology. Narrow-focused interests are more akin to a sort of obsession with, say, camera parts, but not necessarily photography. Or dogs, even if the person doesn't want to have one.

Anyways, if you don't feel like AS is giving you any reasonable impairment so that the diagnosis might help you, then you can feel free to ignore it entirely. People don't take kindly to diagnoses, so it may even leave you a little better off if you can pass for normal. The diagnosis is like saying, "Oh, yeah, these social skills are all learned behaviors and I'm still working out the kinks."

You may want to keep it in mind if you ever experience frequent anxiety, insomnia, migraines, seizures, etc... because there are sometimes physical presentations.