Aspergers - Diagnosed later in life..

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I've suffered with mental health issues most of my life: Depression, Social Phobia & Anxiety, now I've been diagnosed with AS. This does make a lot of sence to me, it put's a lot of my problems into context. The thing is all my life I've felt that I didn't fit in with the "Norm".

Never had a proper career, relationship or fitted in with the crowd.

The thing is I've realised that I've always craved reasurance from others as to whatever I do in life, always looking for support and not getting it, which means that I've never achieved much.

Does anyone out there have or had the same sort of feelings?

Oh, sure. And I'm older than you and have yet to be formally diagnosed.

It's hard going it alone when you feel odd man out. (In the past I've used the phrase, "I'm like a square peg trying to fit into a small round hole" to describe myself.)

And most likely you'll go through some stages in grappling with AS and your past. So you might get angry, then feel sorry for yourself, only to swing to another emotion like happiness. To counteract these mixed feelings and thinking, try to arm yourself with as much information about AS as you can. One book I highly recommend (and that I am reading currently) is Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome." In this book Attwood tries to explain AS as definitively as possible.

So from this point onward inform yourself about AS to help figure out how to continue living and interacting positively with others. You can do it!

I also craved for some kind of reassurance in all my life. I think I'm lucky in that I got it, at least most of the time. Without support I couldn't have achieved so much. Besides my mother I have a very supportive friend, he's like a mentor or counselor to me. I value his help.

My so-called career is not bad but could be better, and I'm still far from being successful at romantic relationships.

I'm supposed to be at the "High Functioning" end of the spectrum. if they only knew that when I've been able to function it's all been a front. Seems to get harder as I get older.

I think by "high Functioning" they mean you can put up a good front. The ones that can't aren't considered high functioning.

As far as getting harder the older we get... I think part of it is life experience. I mean, why bother trying when you've had plenty of experience w/it failing?

high functioning means that you can do most things that normal people can. low functioning is more for those who cant look after themselves properly or have low IQ

So what are these "fronts" and do you not want to keep doing them?

I was diagnosed later in life, too.

In regards to reassurance: getting it is nice, but it's not something I crave. I set goals and do achieve them, but no one is aware of it. That's okay. It doesn't stop me from the creative person I am.

Fronts: Always trying to please people, not being able to say no to things I don't want to do incase I offend. Pretending to be something I'm not just to try and fit in. Not being honest about my lack of achievments in life, so as not to be made fun of.

I need to accept that I am what I am, but it's not easy, the lonliness of life brings on deep Depression and putting on a front sends my anxiety sky high. Don't really know where I'm at that's a real problem.

I don't have any creative tendencies unfortunatly - at least I haven't discovered any yet.

Definitely this!

Well, I believe you are going to find out what your creative tendencies are to figure out solutions to your problems.

Honestly, Marcustwelve, most two-year-olds learn the power of "NO!" At your age, couldn't you learn to say No too?



I know as an adult I too had to learn to say No. And I mean like maybe 10 or so years ago. Had to really think this concept out. You know, like if I say No, am I being mean? Am I saying "I don't like you" or "I don't love you". Answering myself, I came out with NO! I'm asserting myself. I'm saying, "I can't right now" (or tomorrow or whatever date) or "I don't want to." So? It's not the end of the world if I voice the word No. And since I'm not two years old, I can also append, "Maybe tomorrow" and smile. Life is full of choices and we can't make everybody happy. And if the only person whose happiness we can truly affect is ourselves, then why not say No when we don't want to say Yes?

Life achievements, loneliness, depression, anxiety ... all of these things can be addressed. Are you seeing a therapist or do you plan to? If you are not taking an SSRI for anxiety and depression -- even one at a small dosage (10 mg) will help -- will you?

Recently in a funk I was hearing Beck's song, "I'm A Loser, Baby." It was looping in my brain. Talk about being depressed! Right now I don't feel so bad. Like you, I'm grappling with this idea of having AS. I'm reading up about it, trying to understand why I am the way I am and what I can do about it. I'm having moments of highs and lows and I'm trying my best to ride this roller coaster. Could you do the same?

I find it hard to say no, too. I feel as if I'm mean or not doing the right thing. It definitely requires you to have a concept of what you'd like to arrive at in your life. Not at all easy. It can be achieved only gradually. Sometimes it means you'll hurt someone, but you shouldn't give in to all the others, you have to walk your own way. At least this is what I'm trying to do.

Things aren't that simple unfortunetly, I've been on cocktails of different anti-depressants, anxiety drugs even stimulants for the last fifteen years at least, some helped for a while but not long term, my Psychiatrist now believes I'm medication tolerant. I've done CBT, assertivness courses, had therapy for alcohol abuse. At the moment I'm waiting to see a Psychologist.

They are now putting all my past problems down to AS, can this be so? I don't know.

Maybe you can discover some. What you describe here fits me as well. I'm self-diagnosed late in life - in my 50s. I have always found my creative side - which I can pursue and do best in solitude - to be a great release. I think it helps. So does my journaling, and defending my time alone. (I'm an extreme introvert.) Remember that creativity doesn't always have to mean getting paid for it. Sometimes it's simply a satisfying hobby or a way of expressing things that are going on inside but have no other outlet.

It certainly is possible. Which would also mean that your past diagnoses are suspect. You were being treated for X, with X-appropriate drug therapy. But you really had Y, and X drugs don't affect it.

The drugs for X sometimes do improve things though. Some people do find stimulants and anti-depressants help a little, just not as dramatically as for some of the other diagnoses.

Jason