NT needs advice about Aspie shutdown - please help me

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Update: It seems that I'm fighting a losing battle. Things were going well and we were emailing more, almost daily plus he was coming back to chat some. He was talking about more personal things and telling me more of what was going on in his life even said "sorry for lack of email" one time. Then the emails stopped. That was 12 days ago. I have no idea what triggered it this time or what happened. All I know is that it couldn't have been me.

I don't think I have the emotional energy to go through this again. By the time I figure out what is happening, it's been a week into it and I've already sent almost an email a day. Short ones.

I just don't understand this and why it happened again so soon. Two months after we made contact again. I don't want to go another 8 weeks or longer. Our friendship probably won't survive that. It's very hard not to take this personal.

Anyway, wish I had a happy ending to tell but I don't.

He may be going through some tough times. Probably the best thing is DON'T FIGHT IT. I know there are many times where I basically loose the ability to interact with others on more than a very very basic level. E-mails, phone calls, and the like don't happen. Face-to-face is extremely crude/minimilistic, and avoided if at all possible. There isn't really much of a pattern to when it happens, either. I'm sorry to say it, but it will happen again. Don't take it personally, and I know this is hard to do, but you aren't going to know why the contact was lost until your friend understands why they shutdown, and are ready to explain it. This may take a while, if it even happens. I frequently don't really want to talk about why I shutdown, even if I know why, though, it almost always is caused by stress in one form or another. Things that an NT doesn't even think about can be very very stressful for an aspie.

you can have "mine..."
LOL.

Sorry to resurrect an old thread; found this searching for help. I am having similar problems. Cannot seem to cope with the sudden withdrawal of a young man I'm in love with.

My question is: if socializing is so stressful and exhausting for aspies, why do they make friends in the first place? I mean, if having friends and spending time with them is so trying, why not just avoid the whole thing?

DaisyChains-
Just because it can be tiring and stressful doesn't mean we don't desire company or companionship. We are still human.

As an AS who's in the "hermit" phase for about two months now, I think it is good that you show your friend that you care with small doses of emails and texts. Just don't expect him to respond.

I would feel warm and happy knowing that someone still cares, even though I sometimes choose not to respond because I don't know how to give a proper response during the "zone-out-of-world" time.

Being about 40, and having gotten mainstreamed, I got a lot of "it is good for you to be social." People in crisis have always been drawn to my quiet manner and flat effect and reasoning for their crisis management and their is no emotional value to gossip for me. My friends say these are rare qualities so I am a person people value as a friend. It is much more difficult for me to find people who I value as friends. Most of my friends are really aquaintances.

Shutting down took on a new meaning for me this year. Thanks to meds we all got a taste of the alternative. I had no clue how to cope with being emotionally upset so much and nobody else did either. I am normally an emotional rock. Everybody was releived when I was off those meds and shut down a few weeks to process everything. So friends agree...no more whining about my shutting down...vastly preferable to the alternative. Although I set limits on being shut down...list of things I do every day, every week, and I will talk just not much. I also set a limit on how long I stay that way before I decide it is time to put effort into pulling myself out of it. Have found rich scents help to wake me up out of that state a little bit. Might be helpful info for somebody else.