Was I too tough on kid with aspergers

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And hitting people is a better way to handle a situation?

It's so very ironic that you would be calling anyone a hypocrite ...

In retaliation.

That's what the OP did; he didn't say those things out of the blue or unprovoked, like the other guy did. Equivalent retaliation, though, not a physical attack in return for hurtful words. Hurtful words, in return for hurtful words. Remember that the other guy, was the one who was going on about how awful gay people are to begin with. Emiliobigdealio, who is gay, hit back with equally unfair comments about this fellow's AS - because he was provoked. And he seems to feel terrible about it.

So you called him a stupid hypocrite, and claimed physical attack is an appropriate response to hurtful words. You don't see the irony there? If what you're saying is right, then he shouldn't have said anything, he should've just beat the guy with AS up. I don't think that's handling the situation very well at all! He handled it better than you would, and he didn't handle it very well.

also it should be taken into account just how awful the OP must have felt hearing what he did. i doubt i could stand being told today that me and my kind would/should have been wiped out without a visceral reaction. i'm going on 25 now and my self control has improved so i could probably deal with it without getting angry but when i was a teenager?

i also don't understand why people think it's wrong for the OP to ask this on this forum. he's asking here because we're clearly in the best position to answer. he didn't say he was bullying this kid. he came here worried that his emotional outburst in response to an atrocious remark might hurt the very person who hurt him. i think it takes a lot to be able to think of someone else's feelings, especially when that person has so recently disregarded your own.

If " Two wrongs don't make a right" is hard for a few of us, let me try Gandhi instead. "If we follow an "eye for an eye" the World will eventually go blind!"
Retaliation leads to fights, fights lead to feuds, and then to war..
The best course of action here would have been to walk away & say nothing at all.

Sincerely,
Matthew

I agree with everything you said.

As for the "two wrongs don't make a right" or "an eye for an eye" or some other things some people were saying- Yeah, it's wrong, but it happens, if you're telling me you've never done something similar when someone said or did something hurtful to you, I'd seriously question your word and whether or not you were a real person, or posing as someone you believe is perfect. What matters is how we choose to act AFTER we made the mistakes. The OP is showing remorse and worried for the person who so badly tore him down. It sounds like he's trying to get the perspective of people who may know better than he would about how hurtful that word is to people on the spectrum. It's most definitely a post going "Hahaha, I called one of you people a ret*d." It's a post asking how damaging it could be. He's asking if he should go to lengths to apologize to a kid who isn't even going to the same school anymore.

I think Chamberlain tried that just before WW2.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. There is no excuse for Hate, no matter how disabled someone is. I think this kid needs an education and to meet people who are gay to see how cool they are. I am a lesbian with Aspergers and I would never put up with that.
Now maybe calling someone ret*d is bad, but you were angry. But at least you felt bad. Plus with all of the news about how gay kids and others are being bullied and committing suicide, it is very hard not to stand up and say anything. I do the same thing all the time. I just tell people how would you feel if someone said anything hateful to you or about you.

I think you're great. Most (not all) people who are tough on a person with AS won't feel as guilty as you do. You have empathy, you're feeling guilty and worrying that you were a bit tough on an Aspie and made them feel uncomfortable. So you must be a really nice person. If you weren't very nice, you probably wouldn't know or care or felt guilty for being tough on a kid with AS. But you do, so you are a nice person.

I bet the kids at school who were tough on me as a kid didn't care how I felt.

I think I have some psychopathy in me because I wouldn't have felt bad. When I feel I gave someone something they deserved, I have no remorse about it and I don't understand why anyone would feel bad about it. Sure I may feel sometimes I could have handled it better or that I shouldn't have done it but I don't feel bad about it.

I agree, but also I completely understand how you came to respond that way, as I likely would have done also. For someone with Asperger's, it's fairly common to blurt out something inappropriate before considering the consequences. Unfortunately I'm an expert at that, but that doesn't make it OK to do either. We think very literally, and sometimes forget the emotional side of facts. I have the feeling that his mindset was not judging at all of your lifestyle; rather he was just reciting a dreadful fact of Nazi Germany, as we might state a fact that if you built a brick house in California, it would collapse in a bad earthquake.

If I put myself in that person's place, I'd probably do best if you had called a time-out, and told him straight up "That's not something that I want to hear, because it hurts my feelings, and it's rude". I think you can still do that, if for no other reason than to clear your conscience. Again, I probably would have responded the same as you did, and I don't judge you for it at all. Especially since you're here asking how you could have handled it better. That's class!

Everyone is different, so I can't guess how he'll respond if you approach him now or later to talk about it, but I would think it will at least let him know that you do care, and that you don't hate him; you just hate what he blurted out at your table.

Charles

While it wasn't correct to say what you said, it was also not right for the student to say what he said. Your comeback was creative, so you get bonus points for that albeit not PC. If you want to apologize, fine. If not, that's fine as well. He said something that he knew would irk you and you have a right to let him know it irked you so. As for the word "ret*d," I've used it to refer to myself or close friends in a joking manner, because we all understand each other's intent or to express that a certain law or rule is absurd (like many people do). Aspergers is no excuse for being a D-head, so he shouldn't get a pass for acting like one.

now it's my turn to apologize for my previous post calling you a hypocrite.
I only saw the word "ret*d" which brings back my own high school memories.

Basically, although it was wrong for you to call him an f-in ret*d, he provoked it, and he started the entire confrontation.
There is nothing wrong with being gay, he is entitled to his own opinion, but saying those hurtful things in front of you is completely unacceptable.

Sorry that you had to experience that, its nice that you wanted to apologize, but obviously it doesn't mean anything to him, I apologize to everyone I unintentionally offend, so if he felt bad he would've done the same.

I would personally suggest you move on my dear, as long as you feel ok and have gotten over the hut that he caused you, enjoy your life!

Me too.......OP you shouldn't have called this kid a ret*d because it is offensive to a whole community of people with intellectual disabilities and other disabled people who superficially resemble them in some way and get mistaken for them. This term is a hurtful way to refer to these groups of people and should not be used as an insult. However if someone told me what I was was "horrible" and that I would have been "burned in an oven by Hitler" as part of the same utterance (which indicates to me that it wasn't supposed to be just a factual statement) I wouldn't care what I said back to him/her in return!!

I'm Jewish and I have AS , I also have an olive completion and black hair , so I would have been burned for many reasons had I been living in Germany during the holocaust but to use this as part of an insult - elaborating on the statement that what I was was '"horrible" I would be irrevocably offended.

Hatred for people based on their sexual orientation is inexcusable in my books!!