Thoughts about murdering people

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Sometimes i walk by the desk and think to myself "What will happen if i jab this pencil into my fathers neck? Would he fight me or not?" and when i carry stuff that are precious to me i usually think about throwing them under the bus or into some water drain. Sometimes id just ask myself how many people can i kill in a family dinner before someones will try to stop me. Alot of the times are about the "point of no return" like, how far i need to go in order to make someone hate me, or to put myself or someone else in a really bad position financially(taking a credit card and betting in the internet), physically(how far should i go into a forest, cliff, desert in to not be able to go back).

I am not violent or suicidal or have any mental condition(besides having aspergers) and am really calm and peaceful. I dont really see any benefit in all of these actions, yet the thoughts come, and they dont go away. Is this OCD? My mother also complains about how i whipe my hands after washing them and i can sometimes make sure the lock is "locked" by trying to open the door like 20 times, so maybe its connected, i dunno.

What do you think?

The general consensus in these topics seems to be that, as long as it's just simple thoughts and not plans or compulsions or weird separate voices of any sort, you're fine. A lot of people on the spectrum seem to have such thoughts form time to time.

I get that all the time and I even get super strong urges to do it sometimes, but haven't done it yet.

My violent thoughts and urges are always about killing others, sometimes random people, usually people I wish were dead, and animals that annoy me.

Last edited by Alfonso12345 on 06 Jul 2012, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There is a phrase describing such thoughts - something like "intrusive thoughts"; I think most people have them - they just occasionally drift into the mind and are gone again.

I agree with Rebel. I have had and do still have the same thoughts. As a younger girl, my thoughts tended more toward "Just how far could I go with this and physically survive?" but I definitely have had thoughts about how many others I could hurt before someone actually tried to stop me.

I think these thoughts (as long as we do not act on them) are simply our minds exploring potential social and physical boundaries. Often, I think suicidal thoughts are simply our minds reminding us that ultimately, we are the ones in control of our fate...it gives a sense of control in an often uncontrollable world.

A recent example of my thought patterns along these lines was when I was in a crowded dance club. I was dancing and took a break to catch my breath when I looked around and realized that I could literally stab several people in the crowd and walk away without ever being caught. Would I do this thing in reality? Never! But it was an interesting realization nonetheless.

Thoughts are just thoughts. Thank goodness!

Yup, most people have them. For people with OCD, they can stick around and cause a lot of distress and worry. Ironically, people with OCD and intrusive violent thoughts are most likely so bothered by those thoughts because they are the total opposite of what they want to do--the thing they are most afraid of or disgusted by doing, which is why they are so distressing.

For most people, they're just idle thoughts, part of the everyday mental static.

I agree with the responses, I don't believe thinking about murdering will lead to action just like the thoughts of suicide.
I think you should possibly use violent video games as a substitute as I heard a friend say an ex-convict was able to use violent video games as a calming method and thus he wasn't going to become a threat to society.

I second the video game idea! I am a peaceful person that abhors actual violence but am constantly bombarded with unwelcome thoughts involving theoretical violence. Suppressing these thoughts just makes them worse whereas indulging in a couple of hours of first-person shooter games gets the violent energy/ thoughts out of me so I can move on with my life.

I think it is relatively normal. To imagine doing things but never actually do them. Often TV shows or movies will have moments like this, where they show someone snapping and stabbing people and then it cuts bach and the person didn't actually do it, it was just them THINKING about it. I think we all have those moments. I know I do. I think the issues come when we seriously consider those thoughts as a real "option" or even a "good idea" that we might acutally act on...

Sometimes I look at a relative or someone, and I always think, ''what would happen if I shoved them out of the way really rudely?'' I don't mean any disrespect to them because I love them dearly, but I still wonder what would happen, and then I feel happy because I'm not doing it, sort of thing.

Also when I'm holding the kitchen knife (a really, really sharp one) and someone else is in the room, I always wonder if they might think, ''I wonder if she might try to stab me with that?'' I never get the urge. I just wonder if they're thinking that, so I use the knife for it's purpose (cutting a tough piece of meat or something) and then carefully place it in the sink, putting on a ''see, you can trust me'' impression, although 9 times out of 10 it's just me imagining that they're thinking that.

The only time I feel like turning a little violent is when people stand in my personal space in shops. I always feel like punching them or kicking them, yelling, ''FOR f**k SAKE, CAN'T YOU WAIT A FEW SECONDS TIL I'VE GONE?????! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!'' But I know I will never do it, it's just not in me. I can't even hurt a cat flea, so God knows how I will hurt a human.

There's the whole Asian philosophy and zen meditation kind of approach. You neither want to hold onto the thought nor try to push it out, for both end up giving power to the thought. Instead just let the thought 'drift' with zen detachment, while you largely ignore it but not entirely (this is inherently a nonperfectionist approach).

I don't think the video games have to be violent. Just exciting, fast paced, and interesting. Far as I can tell, people prone to violence are not "violent people" at a neurological level; they are people who require a high level of stimulation to feel comfortable. So they do dangerous or hostile things... naturally once they start in the habit of hurting others, they get used to it, but I don't think they start out that way. They could have gone for something else, from extreme sports to roller coasters to loud parties to a career as a stockbroker or ER doctor. That sort of stimulus-seeking behavior is common to strongly extroverted people, those with ADHD hyperactivity, bipolar mania, and antisocial personality alike... and on that list, only the antisocial personality disorder is actually associated with anti-social actions. (Thus the name. )

Yeah only you wouldn't see an ex-convict saying they just completed all the Lego-themed video games?
Plus I better find this story and fast.
Generally though I do think they need to be violent to stimulate that need and therefore eradicating the possibility of it occuring in the world we see before us.

Yeah, there's definitely something different about violent games. I can get a lot of fun and relaxation from a game like Graduis or Katamari, but it's nothing compared to the release of blowing off raider heads in Fallout. Watching that VATS slow motion of eyeballs bouncing around the corner of the room is too damn satisfying sometimes.

A personal example:

When I was working at a local college there was a female colleague that would talk about shite incessantly. I had to spend two days a week in her company and grew obsessed with the thought of killing her just to make her stfu so that I could get on with what I was being paid to do in peace from her inane drivel.

But despite this obsession I never once insulted her or laid a finger on her, despite an incredible desire to silence her at any cost to myself, I did actually spend sleepless nights awake trying to rationalise the prison time I would get for caving her skull in with a computer monitor.

I think there is an entire category difference between these sorts of stressful thoughts, like the desire to smash that buzzing fridge into a million pieces and the actions of someone like Breivik who spends a decade plotting and working towards the murder of hundreds of people.

My thoughts were a coping mechanism wheras Breivik freely admits that he had maintained his hatred for many, many years continuously plotting his criminal acts.

As for rebel-nowe's suggestion of violent games like fallout, I love fallout but VATS get tiring after so many one shot kills of super mutants and has nothing to offer me compared to hanging off a hundred metre cliff by your fingernails without a rope while the lactic acid burning your arms into oblivion makes you realise that oh s**t you actually probably going to die in the next few seconds and no amount of regret or special pleading to sky fairies will change that fact, only your ability to crank out more effort and push yourself further than you ever thought possible.

When you said in your OP:

"and i can sometimes make sure the lock is "locked" by trying to open the door like 20 times, so maybe its connected"

Do you mean that EVERY SINGLE TIME you leave the house you HAVE to go back and spend 30 minutes locking and unlocking the door to satisfy yourself that it is locked and if someone else isn't there to tell you that you are insane you always end up going back inside because you are convinced that the world will end if the door isn't locked properly or do you mean that you occasionally rattle the handle a few times?

People with OCD will scrub the skin and flesh off their hands until bone becomes visible because they think they are dirty or a sane person takes them hospital do you really behave in that much of an extreme fashion about locked doors, if not you are belittling a serious mental illness in your comparison.

I would recommend being assessed for OCD. Your obsessive thoughts of violence can be a symptom of OCD, and you show other signs of OCD as well.