Need some advice from you guys

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At the company I work for, one of my coworkers (who I consider to be a friend) keeps recommending that I watch the Big Bang Theory. To be fair, all I know about it is that, according to her, the show involves a group of guys that are socially awkward and highly intelligent, and that I should totally watch it because one of the characters reminds her of me.

I have spent my entire life trying to not seem like an aspie. My parents shuttled me off from psychologist to psychologist, each giving me new tips on how to refine my behavior. I've been brutally honest about my faults, have encouraged others to be brutally honest with me, and have tried to endure whatever agony that that that has brought me as best I can. I've come a long way. But this makes me feel like no matter how much of a therapy superstar I've been, I'm just gonna fail at being accepted, at seeming normal. What has made matters worse is that she has started sending clips of the show around to all the interns, with "LOL Doesn't this remind you of (Me)" in the subject line- and one of them is not a person I particularly like or trust.

I've told her it bothers me, but I'm not sure whether or not to tell her why. If I do tell her, every semblance of blending in that I have worked so hard to achieve will count for nothing, because the news will be out. If I don't tell her, then there is a higher likelihood that she will continue pressing, and I'll have to continue bearing the burden of my secret. I'll have to continue to adhere to the standard of a neurotypical, or at least to pretend to, despite not being one by any definition.

What should I do?

There are some things that should be kept on a need-to-know basis:

- Financial info
- Personal ID info
- Medical info
- Private, personal info

Your Asperger's falls under both medical and private, so no, don't tell her. This woman is not the sort to keep such info between the two of you. If you tell her, she will share it with EVERYONE. Based on your description of what is going on she is not your friend. People who look for ways to find fault with or poke fun at others are not a friend. You have to work with her, so be civil, but minimize non work related contact with her. Don't sit with her at lunch, and bring a book and head phones in case she chooses to sit down with you then. If she keeps pressing you about this program, just tell her you don't share her interests, and change the subject, or better still, walk away, and get back to work. If she bothers you about this while you are working, just tell her you are busy right now, and doesn't she also have work to do? And do not socialise with her after work!

Might be worth bringing up with management / HR. What she's doing could definitely constitute creating a hostile work environment, and is unprofessional at the least.

This is my 1st post and I hope I am helpful but more importantly, not offensive

First off, being a person having AS, some humor, as I have learned to laugh at myself. I had to read your post 4 times, to understand it. Not your writing, just my inability to decipher the literalness. I thought I was coming to a place where a female was looking for dating advice from a male because of the title . Once I understood you meant all you guys, as in all people, I read it a 2nd time. The 2 nd time through, I could not get the big bang theory out of my head, as I completely think it is a farce. The 3rd time through, I could not find any common ground between the Big Bang Theory and how someone could possibly turn that into something on TV. Finally, I got your meaning and hopefully can add some advice.

AGAIN, I have AS, and am A social misfit, and at my worst at work, so take any advice with a grain of salt (not literally .

1. First I would formulate an email to the person calmly addressing my issues with what they have done. I use email, because verbally, I stand no chance, as it will escalate and get ugly.
2. I would assume the email will create a verbal confrontation and I need to be ready for the persons response. However, since I have previously, sent my concerns, I will only need to clarify my statements.
To do this for myself, I will need to analyze every and any response from the person, so I can calmly reply and not insult/escalate the issue further.
3. I will be ready to end all close ties to this person, as I am already offended, and if they do not apologize or see my hurt and anger, I would never trust them with my emotions again.

My Story

I am a person in my 50's, and have been diagnosed for about 8 years. At first denial, then confusion, followed by a complete lack in social skills confidence is how AS evolved for me. Only is the past few years have I finally learned to laugh at my zillion quirks. I was completely clueless I was "different", viewed as "odd", offensive, and was terrible in all social environments. One day, my then 16 year old daughter came to me and said, "Dad, I have a book I want you to read". I looked at it, decided it was not my kind of book, and left it on my night stand for a few weeks. She kept asking me if I read it, and I kept telling her no. Finally, bored one day, laying in my bed, and having pissed the entire family off as normal, I picked it up and read only the 1st chapter. I have never read beyond the 1st chapter to this day. The book was called "Passing As Normal". For the first time in my life, someone caught me. I knew from the one chapter, my daughter knew the truth about me. I was different. I do not fit into this world. Until that point, I actually thought every one else in the world, had a major problem. I knew that day, it was me. All of my obsessions if nothing else had been exposed to the entire world. But more importantly, it was by one of the few people that actually mattered to me. I denied ever reading any of the book to her for many months. Still she kept asking me to read it. I did not wish to face my demons, as I thought I had the carefully hidden away. Wow, was I ever wrong. Only years later did I tell her she was the one that clued me in, and through her efforts, I finally sought help. I am very proud of her, as she is a teacher in the public school system specializing in Autism and Special Needs.

I tell you my introduction to AS, as maybe your friend is letting you know, she sees some things in you, that confuses her, and she is actually trying to help you is social settings, although you may perceive it as an attack.

Now in my life, I am very open to most people and tell them I have AS, and 3 other related issues. I am clear to let them know, it is not an excuse, but the real reasons to my responses and actions. I find it easier then to constantly evade the real problem. In most instances, I truly missed the cue, my response was "over the top", I was" completely off topic", or stop talking "nobody cares about this topic", or my biggest daily mistake, good morning is not implied, it is something people expect me to say.

I think if you choose the email method, be clear you feel offended and that she has invaded your privacy by emailing others. Express your desire that she stop and understand you do not wish to be put on public display for others to judge.

If she is a real friend, she will understand, explain, and even be apologetic toward your feelings. If this person reacts with hostilities, I usually have learned to retreat to my own silence, where I am comfortable, bite the bullet, and wait for things to calm down.

Hopefully this long winded tirade helps you or someone else.

Best Wishes,

Mike