I had a meltdown while driving

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Today I was driving home with the entire family in the car. This is only my third driving with my father in the car even though I have had plenty of experience with my mom. Anyway we where about three minutes away from home, my dad started "yelling" at me because I was to far to the right side of the road. This was a very narrow part of the road and suppose that he is not used to sitting on the right side of the car. I simply agreed by saying O.K. and wanted to focus on driving. Instead he kept yelling at me (even though the situation had passed) about this and began to elaborate on the damage I could have done to the car if I went off the road (which I didn't) until I started crying and I eventually said something to the effect of "thank you very much. I heard you the first four times." at a safe opportunity I pulled over and he drove (the remaining one minute home). He then tells me that I am banned from driving for the weekend. So when we get home I sprinted to my room and started sobbing. My dad then came into my room and I told him how he had really upset me by the way he yelled at me while I was driving. He then continued yelling at me until I started hyperventilating (from which I still have a headache 7 hours later) and I went into the bathroom next to my room because my dad was in my room. He told me that as a result of this I am banned from driving for one week. He insists that he wasn't yelling but "speaking in an animated tone". I really believe that the way he responded was inappropriate if not dangerous and I am really disappointed in him. Of course, he shows absolutely no remorse and says that I need to "act my own age", "grow up" and "make friends my own age". Anyway, what can I learn from thi?. What is the difference between yelling and "speaking in an animated tone"? Was I really being inappropriate or was he wrong for provoking me? off of course, is banning someone from driving really the solution? This happens fairly frequently between us and the end result is usually the same. However, I was on a pretty good streak of three weeks without a meltdown. My father is often the cause of my meltdowns so I thought it would be a good idea to ask. I don't think that I will willingly drive with him as a passenger in the near future.

He was being a jerk. Dad's will always do this to their kids when they're in the passenger seat, they can't stand that someone else is driving them for a change.

This is exactly like my dad. I know how you feel. One day when he's in a nursing home, and you won't visit him, he'll realise his mistakes.
I certainly will NEVER visit my dad in a nursing home or in care. My brother can deal with finding my parents care when they're old and frail. I'll be off travelling the world and eating the wonderful delicacies of Europe.

Sounds like he is worried about his car and worries you will wreck it so he got scared and had anxiety. I still think he could have told you nicely you are too far on the side and go to the middle of the road a little bit. Then he should have moved on and let it go and not carry on.

Wow. He could have handled that situation much better! I'm sorry he yelled at you and caused you so much distress.

abstract, have you thought of videoing your dad whenever he goes on these long, drawn-out verbal attacks? After saving and copying the file, show it to him on a big screen monitor.

He may think he's lecturing you but from your description it sounds like he harangues you over and over and then metes out punishment unfairly. Plus he voices out loud his fear that because he drives you to tears, you are not man enough.

You write like an intelligent young man. Good for you. Now you need to work on tuning out his harsh words when his rant goes to Stage 2, Stage 3, Stage 4, etc.

I think you can do it.

Yes, such actions could very well be dangerous.

If anyone did that to me, he'd be banned from riding in any car I was driving . . . and I do mean until he can learn to keep a civil tongue in his head.

If he's in the car, I'd refuse to be the driver unless he promised to behave, and I would indeed pull over, as you did, and make him drive if he can't behave.

_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

What your dad did wasn't cool. At all. If he knows you are sensitive to noise and you need to concentrate on driving, he should not be yelling at you while you're driving. If he needs to tell you something, he should be saying it in a clear but normal-volume voice. If he yells at you, you can't drive as well. Frankly, he endangered your life and his own.

You handled the situation well. You understood you were not in a good condition to drive, and you pulled over. When you got home, you left that environment and went to seek privacy in your room where you could calm down. Your father, on the other hand, apparently just got madder and madder.

Sometimes, as we grow up, we have to understand that our parents are not always right, that they can do things that are unwise, dangerous, or mean. This is a situation in which you were right and your father was wrong.

Not that you shouldn't make sure that you are driving down the center of the lane. But your dad handled this exactly the wrong way. If you need to practice driving, don't do it with your dad in the car. Find someone who won't yell at you. Maybe ask your mom to check your distance from the side of the road the next time you are out. When you're a new driver, it does no good to have people in the car who are going to panic and yell at you if you make a mistake; that'll only make things worse.

Wow do i ever know where you're coming from, abstract! I had the same kind of difficulties with my dad when I first learned how to drive. My dad was a very aggressive driver, and he thought that I ought to drive the same way. He would yell at me when he thought I was doing something wrong; driving too slowly, not changing lanes, allowing people to cut in. He'd follow his remarks up with curses and huge sighs and noises of contempt at my perceived ineptitude. I hated driving with him. It was hard enough learning how to drive, remembering all the rules of the road, paying attention, figuring out where I was going, and trying not to get too tense about everything. I'd be a wreck just thinking about having to drive with him, but the alternative, letting him drive, was even worse. I finally told him, before we got in the car, that I was a GOOD DRIVER, and from now on he'd have to sit in the back seat and shut up, or else he could just stay home. In spite of it being his car, he was pretty good after that. Maybe he admired me for standing up for myself? On occassion, when he couldn't seem to help himself from saying something insulting, I'd let my anger out and ask him "WHO IS DRIVING?" and 'WOULD YOU RATHER WALK?"

Any chance your dad is a bit aspie himself? Something about that just makes me think of the many times I've wanted to verbally correct someone who was "driving wrong."

Just a thought.

Anyway, I think he's out of line, but I think it's also about what I'd expect.

Many fathers do that. I know the father of my NT friend was doing this and I bet that, if I were to learn how to drive, mine would act precisely like this - and he'd surely bring me on the verge of a meltdown. I've decided not to learn how to drive, since my executive function is bad enough and I don't think I'll be able to pay attention to so many things on the road, without spacing out and zoning out like a pro...

However, my dad and my grandma got me to have a meltdown on a very trivial occasion, when I was pouring some soup out of a crate into another bowl. They kept yelling me that I was spilling it out (which I wasn't) and telling me how to pour it correctly. When I lost it, I started yelling, threw the crate away and shouted at them: THEN GO DO THIS YOURSELVES!, they got so angry at me...

I try to be understanding with them, since they cannot possibly imagine what their "speaking in a more animate tone" (they say this to me as well) is doing to me. I have sound-color and sound-touch synaesthesia and, when somebody is yelling, I get overwhelmed by the visual and tactile sensations I get hearing them shouting...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

This why I almost never drive people around, and if I do, they know not to yell or even talk to me too much.

I'm too busy ignoring everything else. Maybe I'll catch some conversation and reply. Best response would have been, "You might want to check your vehicle positioning" or something to that effect.

My dad and brother has no issues with me driving. I may have opinions on their driving, but it's best never to tell them while you're in the passenger seat

Pulling over and giving him the keys was the right thing to do.
There are some people that are just impossible to please.
Does he "opinion" when other people are driving his car? Or is all this specific to you?

I agree with CuriousKitten. From now on, NEVER drive with him in the car. If both of you need to go in the same car, he drives. Other wise you could have an accident. Yes, yelling and bullying the driver can cause an accident. It's EXTREMELY distracting and stressing. People don't drive well when being bullied and yelled at.

You also need to look into moving out on your own, or perhaps in with another relative as soon as possible. Your father has real bullying issues. He followed you into your room to continue yelling at, and bullying you. This is abuse.

You have two problems one you have to get the meltdowns in check, but you already know that. Two you have to say NO to BS. You can't allow people to bully you and treat you like crap. You need to position yourself not to get in these situations. All easier said than done.

On the other hand young people do make many mistakes when driving, its natural you dont have a lot of experience. Your lucky your learning to drive.

This brings up another subject, the infamous back seat driver. The meddling meddler who meddles in all things even if they are clueless themselves. My girlfriends sister does not know how to drive. They are from the Philippines so they did not drive until they came here in the United States. My girlfriends sister is the stereotypical back seat driver. Sitting the the passengers seat endless comments will come from her as to what you should and should not do in regards to driving. If you tell her to cease from her back seat driving she will not be happy. Its like telling a dog he cannot pee in a new yard.

The stuff your experiencing sounds pretty normal, I think you'll be just fine dont worry