Letting people down

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This is an area where I feel it's a bad habit I picked up by striving to function in the world. When I've had it done to me people always said not to make such a big deal out of it, just let it go. About 10 years ago I developed a "if you can't beat them join them" mentality even though it grinds at my core.
Here's where it ties in for me: someone will ask me to call them at a given time and I tell them I will. If I don't plain forget to do so my phone battery will be flat or I'm in the middle of some crisis. Currently I have 3 people I'm overdue on returning calls to for business, never mind remembering to stay in touch with the friends and family. So these 3 callers, while I've heard their messages earlier this morning, I've left in limbo due to my wanting to finish these 2 repair jobs I've been commisioned to do for this particular shop. Meanwhile I have unfinished work at home too but I'm not as rigid about ignoring the phone then, there it's more a classic case of procrastinating.

Some folks here might not get a whole lot on their plate like this but what's your take on the appropriate lag time on getting back to others?

You need to stop feeling guilty about this. Instead start prioritizing things. First, if the biz calls left messages prior to your coming to work, take care of them when you get in. Those that leave messages between then and the morning coffee break, should be taken care of right after the break. Biz calls that left messages in the late morning should be taken care of right after lunch, those that left messages between lunch and afternoon coffee break should be taken care of right after the break. Those that left messages after the afternoon break should be taken care of just before leaving. By taking care of the calls at those times, it keeps the call task from interfering with your work while you are doing it, so you can get more done. You need to get as much done as possible, as you need the money to pay your bills. Non emergency personal calls should be taken care of on personal time, not work time. However, they should not be allowed to interfere with needed personal tasks and needed personal "me" time. If you have chores and errands to do, do them. If it's time to eat, or use the john, or you just really need to chill for a while, do so. If your incoming personal calls have been getting to be a hassle, pick one day a week to return non emergency personal calls.

Don't be a slave to the phone, or to your callers. The phone is a useful tool, but can become a burden if you don't set rules for yourself.

I have an answering machine on my landline. I usually keep the volume on that, and on the phone ringer turned down. I have only the one phone, and I have health issues that make it hard to get to the phone on time. I found that using the answering machine and keeping the volumes on it and the ringer turned down reduced stress. Now I only go to listen to the answering machine when I want to, or when I am expecting a call. If I am expecting a call, I turn up the volume, so I will hear it. I am also on the national do-not-call list, so I now get far fewer junk calls. Doing these things has let me take control of my phone usage, instead of having it control and stress me.

By having set times of the day to return biz calls that occur when you are not in the middle of a task, you are taking control of the biz call situation. By setting up a day in the week to return personal calls you can also take control of them, too.

Remember, the phone is not supposed to be in charge of you--you are supposed to be in charge of it. Now, go take charge of the phone, and while you're at it, don't forget to charge the phone!

For professional, work-related matters I always try to get back to people within 24 hours.

If it's personal - well, everyone who knows me knows that I hate talking on the phone, and that I screen my calls, so they're not surprised if I don't get back to them at all.

I realized last year that it's much quicker and easier for me to respond to specific information or decision requests by email. So now if my family wants to get in touch, they'll send a brief, business-like email telling me what they need, and I get right back to them.

If they want to let me know about Auntie's Ruth's surgery, or tell a story about someon getting a promotion at work, etc, they send it in a separate email. I always read them, but it might take me a week to respond, or a month, or I might never until I see them, in person.

I'm NT and nothing bugs me more than people ignoring attempts at communication- personally and in business. When my communications are not returned, I find it inconsiderate (rude), unprofessional, and annoying. I have to set new boundaries with my Aspie friend. I give him a one hour grace period to call me to arrange the days hang out time and if he doesn't contact me within that one hour time frame, I cancel plans. I had to set a boundary with him because he would just vanish and cancel plans without telling me and then show up 5 days later as if nothing was wrong. Inexcusable unless there is a serious crisis. Otherwise it's truly inexcusable to blow people off. From the point of those blown off, it's a big "screw you!"
All communication should be returned within 48 hours, even if someone says, "message received, read. thanks. " Just an NT perspective.

Last edited by ptown on 27 Jul 2012, 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah.

You need to prioritize business calls so you don't loose jobs.
Schedule business calls twice a day-- say, 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. Return all business calls at once, then get back to your jobs.

Schedule your calls/emails to friends. Maybe plan the 2nd Thursday of the month as your day for friend chat.
Let them get in touch with you, too.

With friends, I wouldn't say that there's a set time limit to return their calls. Obviously it's a courtesy.
Don't make plans with them, and not show up without telling them far enough in advance. That's a waste of their time.
And, friends shouldn't have to call you 3 times for you to return their call. With that said, decide how much time you want to spend with friends. You're not obligated to talk to them 10 times a week, or for a set number of hours. But, you don't want to blow them off completely.

I work on projects for other people all the time. What I have had to learn to do is give myself a buffer when quoting completion times. Say, I think changing a water pump on a Nissan Altima is going to run me an hour. Will I quote an hour? Nope. I will quote two. This way I give myself some leeway for when things do not go as planned or more turns out to be wrong with the car than I first thought. Likewise, I also turn down work when I know there is too much on my schedule. My schedule also includes time for my own life. This is important as I used to quote unrealistic times and not leave myself time for my own needs. I also now quote a set labor rate based on what kind of car it is. Geo Metros are $10 an hour, Japanese 4 cylinder cars are $20 an hour, average cars are $25 an hour, and 4th generation GM F bodies and Volkswagen products (including Audi) are $50 an hour. This is a price structure based on how easy or difficult a given vehicle is to fix. I used to just quote a flat rate, but this way it places a value on my time.

Now, as to when I get back to people, usually I do it right away. One of the things I have learned is that people like good communication, and good communication keeps small issues from getting blown out of proportion. However, the only way to make this work is to give realistic time estimates with a giant fudge factor built in from the beginning. After all, they won't get mad at you for getting done ahead of time, but they will certainly be pissed off if things take much longer than originally quoted. So, at the risk of being tautological, good time management is the key to good business.