how to control meltdowns?

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ok so I rarely have meltdowns,I mostly have shut downs. But here's what happened today:

I had just gotten back from the pool, I was tired and my mom kept yelling at me for not wanting to ho to my friends party tomorrow. She yelled at me for being "anti-social" and "never keeping my word". I started to shut down, so I laid on the couch with my hands over my ears,not speaking.

an hour later my mom was still mad at me, but she had stoped yelling. I apologised and said that I spent all day out and about and I would like to relax tomorrow (typical introverted me ) and she started yelling at me again. I accused her of yelling and she insisted that she wasn't although to me it sounded as if she was.

I started to melt down, I sat in a corner and started to pull my hair and incoherently mumble stuff. She kept rambling on about how I need to be social and stuff, and eventually I started banging my head into the wall and i was crying and trying not to hurt my self or break my phone (wich took a lot of self control)

after about an hour of doing that, my mom sat down and said its inappropriate for a 14 year old to act like that. (she doesn't know about my most-likely having aspergers) and I'm now grounded from a long list of things. (mostly things that calm me, like my book I was reading and my ipod)

I'm so confused. I didn't mean to have a meltdown, but I was so overloaded with her screaming at me, being all wet and sunburned from the pool,and my brother was blasting music from the room next door. When this happens, how do you guys handle it?
and what calms you down? cuz I'm grounded from my calming stuff so I'm bound to have another meltdown in the next 2 weeks

Some people find deep breathing to be helpful.

Im sorry that happend to you. Im 15 and my mom under stands my aspergers but my dad doesnt. He doesnt even try. He yells at me when we are in crowds and I get stressed out. He tells me Im in zombie mode because I dont speak or respond to my name and stuff like that. I only get like that in big crowds. I have a service dog that helps with alot of my stess. Although she is still a puppy and she can really add to my stress also. I just never know with her.

Self hypnosis.

Kind of similar to the deep breathing one if you are just doing a "light hypnosis". Just tell yourself to relax, and that everything is peaceful. Now I need to be away from the area or situation or it doesn't work but it can relax me if I get away from there if I am still stressed out.

I just use as a relaxation technique or if I am having trouble sleeping.

It's not okay for people to cut you off from stuff that suports and/or helps you. Punishments are understandable, but it doesn't have to be something you use as a coping stratagy -that isn't fair.

The fact that you were able to -in the midst of a melt down -keep from breaking your phone demonstrates a level of control -so that's a good start, I think.

Try and have an escape rout (where can I go to feel safe), understand that you need to take care of you first (obviously you can't be productive while you're that worked up), know your limits.

I keep a 'Lockdown' box of movies, video games and an mp3-player/headphones in a corner of my room for when I need to shut down. This way I can plug in a movie or a video game and zone for a while until it passes.

If you need to hit or break something, I sugest a punching bag or something designed to take a beating -clear out anything you don't want smashed so it's safe. Bottling a mealtdown doesn't sound healthy, if you need to mealt down make sure you're safe and just ride it out.

Also, you'r mom should know and respect your boundries.

The best way to avoid meltdowns is to decisively and unapologetically remove yourself from whatever is pushing you into one. Remember, NOBODY has the right to push you into a meltdown.

I don't recommend resisting with physical force, because it will almost always backfire on you. Public, polite passive-resistance, however, is an incredibly potent weapon. If you get hit by a parent in private, they win. If you get hit by a parent in public with witnesses, you win.

I don't recommend seeking refuge in your bedroom, because your parents will probably retaliate by removing the door. Instead, seek refuge in THEIR bathroom. Unless they're exhibitionists, they're unlikely to break down or remove THAT room's door. Or just walk out the front door, and progressively up the ante if they insist upon following you by removing yourself to increasingly public places where they're going to be forced to choose between respecting your boundary, or risk escalating matters in a public place and causing a scene. A public library is good, partly because the staff are likely to be aspies themselves who'll take your side. Starbucks is bad, because they'll just tell you both to leave and quit disturbing the other customers.

You got to get out of the situation immediately at the first sign or you can't avoid it. Leave the house then, go for a walk or bicycle ride, hide in the library or a museum since no one would shout there.

In the long term however, get a diagnosis because if you don't have one, people will always expect you to behave normally and like other kids. Without them knowing you have AS they will take your behavior as malignant and defiant and punish you for it.

I second the advice about removing yourself from the situation in the moment. Maybe have a phrase prepared to signal that you need time alone to calm down, will be back, etc. In the long term, though, finding a way to avoid the situation that causes it in the first place is the way to go, but sometimes the opportunity to do so is limited and a minor dealing with a parent is one of those times. Depending on your relationship with your mom overall, you might be able to talk to her when you're calm and explain how you are stressed by socializing and how you feel when put under pressure (perhaps without mentioning Asperger's if you don't think she'll be receptive to that).

Just a couple weeks ago I walked out of a restaurant and sat in the car to avoid a meltdown. It might not have been polite, but it was better than what I would have ended up doing if I'd stayed there.

Teenage angst sure is painful if you are autistic. Well, I don't know what to advice you. I came through similar things but I guess it's different for everyone...
anyway, I had no idea it's called a "meltdown". I guess the more you know the less you don't, eh?

f**k your mom. If she tells you not to do things like not to read your book then do it anyway. Your mom sounds like a stupid b***h. Even if she doesn't know what autism is she should have noticed after 14 years that you're different and she shouldn't treat you the same as other people. Maybe your mom is too f*****g stupid for this, but I learned to draw a line with my parents that they don't bother trying to cross because I never change my mind and I don't draw the line in places that would inconvenience other people.

I always had difficulty with melt-downs that were caused by social settings, but I've been able to deal with the physical causes of my meltdowns for quite some time. The most recent one happened about a year ago when I noticed that I nearly had a melt down when the shower water hit my lips, so the next time I took a shower I prepared myself and then put my lips right next to the water where it came out at full blast and let myself have a fit right there in the shower. I did that every shower for about a week until it stopped. I've been doing things like this for as long as I can remember (for the earliest one I looked into my bedroom light until it made my cry for weeks on end so that my parents would quit yelling at me for taking too long to get out of bed). In this way I can train myself to desensitize. I am not currently aware of any physical stimulus that can cause me to have a meltdown anymore. Social causes of meltdowns are more difficult to deal with, possibly because you can't prepare yourself beforehand, but practice always helps.

This is a boy version of me having one of my outbursts (except I don't rip my clothes off and shove things up my bum). I don't know what can keep this under control, especially when you are really mad about something beyond your control:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc

It's horrible being in this situation though, because you don't know what to do or where to put yourself. When I have one of these crazy outbursts, I usually have to do it in front of people at home, to make them know how frustrated I am. If I do storm to my room, I come back out immediately after.

You handled the situation better than I would have. You are not to blame for this meltdown at all. Your Mom (although she may not have known it) was acting in a way to push you to meltdown.
As for taking away things that calm you, that is another strike against her.
I don't know if she would be open to understanding your Asperger's; it kind of sounds like she isn't. But she needs to learn that you are not going to be who she wants you to be. If she can't, than you may want to consider moving out. (Although you may be too young to do this; I don't know.)
In the meantime, I think you handled things as well as can be expected.