Are people with Aspergers Selfish?

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No, at least not in the sense of "caring more about myself than others". That's never been in my nature. I'm unhappy when I know someone else is unhappy, so I benefit just as much from someone else's good luck as my own. I guess you could say that wanting someone else to be happy is ultimately selfish because I benefit from it too--but it's a very benign sort of selfishness, isn't it? As far as vices go, I've always been more troubled by laziness, pride, and hedonism than any tendency toward selfishness.

My husband never expresses his emotions so he acts like he doesn't care about our son being gone and acts like he doesn't even exist. He never says a word about him nor even call my parents to see how he is doing nor even asks about him if they call. He says he doesn't need to ask because I tell him and he doesn't like to talk about things that give him pain nor think about them so he doesn't talk about him nor think about him. Some may think he is selfish and think sarcastically some dad he is. But he doesn't care what people think.

Some people can appear selfish because they don't express their emotions and feelings. My husband is one of those people and he is that private. I would think lot of men are like this but he tells me he does it more extreme than they do and that is what a doctor said when he was a kid.

Its selfish of the Op to drop an accusation like this on to autistics suffering a crises of identity, mostly created a difficult world

Its like saying:

Why are black people angry?
Why are rich people snobby?
Why are poor people complaining?

Most people that try and get to know me, stop hanging around me because I'm so selfish. I used to perform music live, but stopped after hearing that people were tired of my arrogance. I hate being arrogant, but I can't help it. That's just a major flaw of mine. I've always wanted things done my way, and I rarely like to compromise, unless it benefits me a great deal.

I sense that selfishness (or lack there of) has quite a bit more to do nurture, rather than nature.

Where Aspergers (characterized with difficulties in empathizing with others) is a factor, Aspergers individuals are often very receptive towards learning (from thoughtful family, friends, counselors, teachers) to reciprocate others favors, consider other people needing help, and exercising manners and courtesies as second-nature.

Personally, I feel fortunate to understand that I can benefit from help, and relationships with thoughtful neuro-typical, and Aspergers people alike; because of an understanding that assistance is mutual; that is help can only work as a two (or more) way street.

On larger issues, I've found the Internet as 'a godsend of sorts' to assist on social, political, and even environmental agendas both near and far. Even through donating to charities; I always strive to understand, "what more can be done to make a bigger difference?"

The wisdom that a person (or persons) are either part of a problem, or part of a solution is a strong sentiment!

The "fly in the ointment" (to supplement Internet resources) are difficulties with face to face interaction; which ironically can stem out of concerns of....a selfish world at large!

Naturally, yes. To get past being selffish has been a long process with me, even finding "normal" levels of compassion, empathy, etc. Nowadays, depending on the person, I have far more then your typical NT.

I'm so not selfish. I've token it too far, too...(I love 'colder' characters now like Silver from the g/s/c pokemon games because of it.....I honistly just want to care LESS, at this point.)

Its natural to put yourself before others. But I don't think selfishness is so simple. Its not selfish to not give money to charity if you can barely afford to buy food and pay rent. Its not selfish to put your need before someone else's desire. And I wouldn't consider it to be selfish to think about yourself if you struggle to empathise with people.

I don't think I'm more selfish than NTs, and I'm probably less so, given that I help people when I'm capable and aware of a need. But I may be wrong.

Here is a very good example of how NT-s care about others. So in Russia it is very common to refuse food when offered, to offer soemone else the better spot, etc. So one would typically assume its because they care about each other, and 99% of your experience would confirm that. But here is an example that shows their true colors. So my father had a tent that was standing right across teh water tube (basically they put tents on the ship and there was limitted room). So then everyone was saying they can sleep at the edge and "offering each other" a "better" place in the middle (and the said "better place" has that water tube across it). Quite sinister, isn't it. But now look at all the other situations (very far away from taht ship) when they offer each other a better spot which is IN FACT better, since that is what Russian culture would expect. So during all these 99% of times when something that looks better is in fact better tehy build a false image of altruism, but then during that rare occasion when the above is not the case, they utilize that false image in a very selfish pursuit.

Now back to the topic of this thread. Perhaps selfishness is common among both aspies AND NT-s. It is simply that NT-s know how to mask it a lot better.