Obsessions/Special interests and obsessive thoughts.

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One of the many reasons I think I might be an Aspie is I get extremely obsessed with things. When I'm interested in something I get completely absorbed in it and it's like my whole life revolves around the it. That means I do everything I can in order to gather as much information about the interest as possible. I read books, watch documentaries, buy things which has to do with the interest, think about it all the time, prioritise it over social interaction, prioritise it over food sometimes etc. Sometimes I even feel like I miss my interest if I don't spend time with it. I've been interested in things such as science (mostly Astronomy/Astrophysics and the human brain), Harry Potter, WWII etc.

My latest obsession/special interest is my mental health. For the past 6 months I've been completely obsessed with finding out what's going on inside my head. I've been reading a lot about AS, anxiety disorders, personality disorders etc. The problem with this obsession is that it doesn't make me feel that well. It makes me very anxious. But I can't stop obsessing over it. Even if I distract myself with TV-series, books, music and things like that, I can't filter out the obsessive thoughts. That's something I usually enjoy when I have a healthier special interest (Astronomy for example), but now it just makes me confused and anxious and depressed. Yesterday for example my obsessive thoughts made me feel so desperate (or something) that I lost control and hit my head once, threw myself on my bed, hit and kicked my bed and screamed into a pillow (all in all it lasted for about a minute).

Just wondering if there's something else besides AS that can cause these obsessive thoughts? I've read people with anxiety disorders sometimes obsess about things. Is that true for all anxiety disorders? Also, what do you do to keep negative obsessive thoughts out of your head?

I was reading Tony Attwood's book again yesterday, and he was saying that for a person with AS, their special interest is often a refuge. Somewhere that they can go to in order to "escape" from the World. He sees it as a healthy thing. He mentions that OCD types are more prone to have negative obsessive thoughts, whereas with AS they are more based around pleasant thoughts.
He also says that sometimes the obsessions can start to take over too much of one's Life and can become a problem. He believes this is indicative of there being a high level of anxiety in that person's Life at the time. In other words, the more anxiety there is, the more obsessed they become with their special interest.
So this does fit with what you were saying, I believe.
I am in a similar boat to you (hence why I was reading about it). I have a fairly stressful life, so it makes sense that my anxiety levels are high. I have been very obsessed with "what is wrong with me" for most of my Life, which finally resulted in my AS diagnoses from a few different therapists. And yet, here I am, now needing to know even more about it in this suffocating obsessive way! I know it'll pass though.

If you are having obsessive negative thoughts, maybe you could look into the OCD factor? Are you doubtful that you could have AS and that is why you are looking for other possible reasons?

My obsessions/special interests are often things I enjoy. Science for example. When I have a special interests about Astronomy for example, I can sit for hours and hours for days and weeks just reading about it. In awe. It makes me excited and filled with some sort of positive feeling I can't really explain.

I'm a very anxious person. Normally I have a positive special interest and negative obsessive thoughts (not related to an interest). They're separate things. But now, when I'm obsessed with my mental health, the negative obsessive thoughts = my special interest. They're the same thing. Do you know what I mean?

I'm very much doubting I could have AS. One day I'm sure I have it and the next day I think I'm "just" suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder or something. I've read quite a bit about OCD but I don't completely understand it. I think OCD is the anxiety disorder that's most difficult to understand. I certainly have some OCD-traits (like counting steps, needing things to be even and balanced and symmetrical etc) but I don't experience violent/sexual/blasphemous thoughts. At least not so much they'd count as OCD intrusive thoughts.

Other than ASD? Probably OCD or ADD. ADD some attribute to constantly being distracted, but there is the term "hyperfocus" which is believed to compensate for other situations. There is also something known as passion and curiosity - but those are voluntary and people enjoy them more.
Anxiety disorder are generally an obsession of what someone is being anxious about. What will someone think, how will I react, what do I do, etc. et,c. so yes - obsession is part of it. It just results in negative physical side effects.
Keeping negative obsessive thoughts out is a bit tricky because there is a give and take. I primarily go alternating my perspective to something positive or outright mental block/denial, but you can look into other coping mechanisms. Meditation is the "healthier" one. For denial, it takes a bit of practice if you have never done it before. Ditto with perspective alternation - where you force yourself to think positive thoughts about something else - like diverting to jokes and humor. There is a chance of massive relapse as you are essentially forcing your brain to change state somewhat unnaturally (think an alarm clock to waking up normally), or you end up talking about it nonchalantly like me, but to each their own.

Do not feel bad about "obsessing" over mental disorders. I have been doing so for the past year.

Lately I have a theory, my projects are my relationships. Very monogamous, very devoted, and even after parting ways, we are on friendly terms. None of this I have experienced with another person.

How can it be OCD? I'll quote myself:

I totally agree with this. The special thoughts are like a refuge-an escape from the world into a realm more stimulating, exciting, and compelling to a unique person's interests. Mine include psychology as well, specific famous figures, astrology, and metaphysics.

I was also obsessed with my mental health, although it was mostly after I learned about my diagnoses back in 1997 (I was 17 at the time). I spent long hours going to Barns and Nobles and reading DSM 4 criteria for all kinds of mental disorders not just asperger in order to see if perhaps I have something else. I guess I initially doubted my diagnosis because I dont have sensory issues nor do I insist on "sameness". I then found that I partly match some other things, particuarly Schizoid, Avoidant and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorders, as well as OCD and ADHD. But eventually I realized Asperger is the only one where I actually have the right number of symptoms while in case of other disorders I have too little (although oftentimes close to the "line", but not quite there). This issue was settled when I started to interact with other aspies online. That was when I saw that they too lack some symptoms I was assuming aspies are "supposed to have" and, in fact, they are a lot milder than me. So eventually I was obsessed about the opposite question: "why was I told my Asperger is mild if it appears severe compared to other aspies".



Yeah I am totally on the same boat. Ever since the time I started to obsess about my mental health I started feeling a lot worse about everything. I mean, BEFORE I had that obsession, if I had some social miscommunication (which happened very often) it was just a practical barrier that needed to overcome; once the solution was found I got over it. But after I started to obsess about my mental health, I would take any and every problem I encounter as a way of "evaluating" myself. So then I would go on for days, months, years, holding grudges about every misunderstanding that happened to me in the past and asking everyone just why didn't such and such people 5 years ago give me a chance. Not that I need their "chance" right now, but its more like the fact that they didnt give me one implies that somehow I am worthless.



Well in those terms, my obsessions back when i was 9 were based on something happy while my obsessions in adulthood were all based on something sad. The "happy obsessions" were focused on science, and that is why I am a physicist. The "sad" obsessions are focused on negative motives other people presumably have. Now, the science is no longer an "obsession". Well yes physics is my life time goal, but staying focused on it is quite difficult -- I get too disracted with my "negative" obsessions.

Here is an example of my obsession and how it develops. So in 2006 they were trying to expell me from graduate school because I made no progress. I was falesly assuming graduate school is about courses and not research, and also in the research topic I picked I was stuck on some "interpretational" issue and was not willing to move forward until I could "rewrite" the interpretation of said concept. Then when they tried to expell me, I was telling everyone "the said interpretational issue I was stuck on pertains to a certain AREA of physics (namely string theory) so let me do another area and then I will be just fine". But unfortunately they didnt believe me. The deal was that I needed to find an advisor before June 1 or else I would be expelled. So basically professors were refusing to be my advisor and THAT was the issue; then a day before June 1 one retired professor agreed to be my advisor so from that point on everything was fine and I got my Ph.D. in 2009.

NOW, if it were to happen in my teens, I would have said "alright I finally found a professor" and move on. But you see, it happened when I was 26, that is, at the time when I was already obsessed with self pity (I started the obsession at 21). So, DESPITE the fact that I found the advisor, I was obsessed with the MOTIVES of the previous professors who didnt take me on. Now, there was one specific professor who told me that the reason he was not taking me on is because he thought *I* was not interested in his topic. And this is quite illogical, I mean EVEN IF I was not interested, isnt staying in school more important? So on the one hand he cares about me a lot more than I do: even though I dont mind doing something I am not interested in, HE wants me to pursue my interest. On the other hand he cares about me too little since he doesnt care at all about my being expelled. So which way is it? Is he caring about me too much or too little? If he wants everything to be so perfect for me that I do my exact interest, why does he not care about the fact that I am about to be expelled?

Now I realize that this is called "social politeness". In reality HE is the one who didnt want to work with me, but he told me *I* was not interested "to be polite". But still my obsession was to deliberately take it at a face value and tell myself that he ACTUALLY cared about me and then work myself up to an anger on how ridiculous he is that he cares so much about my "interests" and so little about staying in school.

Then this lead me to look for other examples of similar behavior. So I found "catch a predator" show where they would try to catch adults who try to talk to underage kids online. I then decided to twist it into the following story. I told myself that the purpose of "catch a predator" show is NOT about saving kids but rather it is about "taking care of the needs of adults". They care about pedophiles SO MUCH that they wanted to give the pedophiles a pleasure of anticipation of sex with kids. This would be logical parallel of a professor caring about me so much that he doesnt want me to work on a topic I am not interested in. So in case of pedophile he would get to enjoy talking to the decoy, while in my case I would get to enjoy working on an area of physics I AM interested in (since any other area of physics they wont let me work on); and then in case of pedophile he would go to jail, while in my case I would get expelled from school. BUT in BOTH cases the "interest" is much more important than punishment. The fact that pedophile got to enjoy the chat with decoy makes the jail sentence well worth it, and the fact that I got to work on the area of physics I AM interested in would make my expulsion well worth it. In reality it is neither true for me nor for pedophile; but the "other people" (professor in my case, and the decoy in pedophiles case) think that it is true and thats why they care about their subject so much that they want to bring their subject pleasure even if it means the punishment.

This is just one of several different examples of my obsessions. Basically the bottom line is that my obsessions revolve around pulling one of my grudges from the past, then making psychology theory around that grudge, and then applying the said psychology theory to other situations (whether it would involve me or other people) and then obsess about it. I guess you WOULD call it paranoia IF i were to seriously believe my theories are true. But I dont believe them to be true. For instance I KNOW that perverted justice decoys are trying to help kids and not pedophiles. But I still keep telling myself they are trying to help pedophiles and picturing that kind of scenario just to work myself up.

The bottom line is that pretty much all of my obsessions (except from the science one) can be tracked to negative things. If I were to take away negativity then I would probably be obsession free. Well I probably would be obsessed with physics but that would be a good thing since that is my career.

This. Exactly this. It's not healthy. I felt bad before starting to obsess about my mental health, but now I feel worse. Before starting to obsess about my mental health I knew something was "wrong" but now I'm even more confused since I realise I've got symptoms/traits of several disorders and I can't figure out what I've actually got. Do you know what I mean?

Yes this is exactly what happens to me. The more I obsess the more I realize how profound my issues are and how the list of things to fix is way too long let alone the fact that it goes a lot deeper than anything I can put my finger on. Its like nothing I could ever think of would exactly explain all my problems since other people who share said traits are not doing nearly as bad as I do.

Aggressive/sexual/blasphemous obsessions aren't experienced by everyone with OCD. There are MANY types of OCD, all of which have their own distinct set of obsessions and compulsions. It seems to me that you may possibly have OCD, because you are obsessing about whether or not you have AS or another neuropsych disorder, these thoughts make you very anxious, and your compulsion is to continuously research whether or not you have a disorder in order to feel less anxious and reassure yourself. OCD isn't hard to understand. It's actually the easiest neuropsych disorder in terms of diagnostic criteria. There are two symptoms: obsessions and compulsions. That's it. Many OCD-ers have their obsessions focused on somatic concerns/hypochondriasis. I have OCD (I'm a pure obsessional type), and while my OCD doesn't primarily focus on somatic concerns, back when I first learned about OCD and AS, I did compulsively research them to see if the diagnosis was "right" and that I wasn't "faking."

I meant I personally think OCD is the one that's most difficult to grasp. I think that's because I'm not sure what counts as intrusive thoughts. I for example had no idea these obsessions I have could be OCD-related. Not saying they absolutely are but yeah, they might be.

Do you think I'm a hypochondriac? I've never seen myself as one. I don't think these obsessions necessarily make me think I have certain mental illnesses. It's more like they make me see loads of different options and since I can't figure out which option/options are the correct ones I get even more confused and anxious which then, like you said, leads to more research. It's the vicious circle from hell. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit difficult to explain.

Good description. I experience similar things.

I see myself like this too..always obsessing over what might be wrong with me and stuff and always thinkin about it..its annoying and i wish i could stop right now

Pokemon....my LIFE pretty much revolve's around it and I love that franchice.


Also...power now. Somewhat.

I get pretty anxious and upset when I obsess over a person.