Intimate Relationship with Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

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I wonder if anyone can give their experiences and knowledge on the topic of intimate relationships between Autistic Spectrum persons and normal people. I'd also appreciate anyone's opinion on whether or not it's actually more appropriate and less problematic to date and only have intimate realtions with people who have got the same condition (that of course being ASD)

My partner is NT, and our relationships is good. Something people seem to forget is that no relationship is easy.

Personally, I don't think I could date another person on the spectrum purely because we'd probably just end up having pedantic arguments about everything (my friends on the spectrum and I end up with this, but it's okay because I don't have to share a bed with them afterwards).

I would say, after being in other NT/AS relationship (myself the AS), that things are much more difficult with another AS. It's constant work to feel heard, loved, accepted, etc. Now that's not different from any other relationship though, others just have to work on other parts of it. I'm sure feeling heard, loved and accepted by your partner would be important in any relationship. It's just harder in one where communication is difficult.

Also, I am pretty sure any NT would've run for the hills (big generalization there, don't mean to be rude of course!) after witnessing some of my meltdowns (pretty much an adult temper tantrum where things get thrown and broken, doors get holes and people get screamed at). My hubby takes them in stride although more affected emotionally when I direct it at him, which I try very, very hard to never do. Some of my quirks are just simply not tolerated by NTs that I've met, so I can't imagine being with one that would accept me as thoroughly and unconditionally as my hubby does. I also am far more understanding of his traits as well and make great efforts to accommodate them.

Hope that helps.

Thank you for your reply. I have found though very recently for this to be the complete opposite in my case. I was in a relationship with an NT and even getting over the initial revelation of me telling her of my condition, which she said it did not bother her at all. The divergence of our brain processes seemed to always displace us. She could not handle or did not understand the fact that I found it incredibly difficult to spend the amount of time with her that she deemed it necessary for our relationship to work for her. I find it extremely demanding and exhausting to be around anyone for a prolonged period of time and I know it sounds horrible to say this but that even counts my own family too. To have to act and put on a facade is very mentally and physically wearing to keep up on a long term basis. That is why I have thought that I will always come up against this problem if I keep searching for an NT to have and maintain a realtionship with. So I have been considering dating females who have the same condition as me. Even though in this digital age it is unbelievably hard to find a proper site dedicated to ASD dating. It is nice to hear of course a relationship that does work between an NT and a ASD. Thank you, I am so grateful for your input!

I don't think ASD/NT matters nearly as much as being otherwise compatible (in morals, ethics, politics, faith, etc). My wife is NT, and I'm high-functioning autistic. Honestly, with the intimacy inhibitions in my case, having an NT wife sort of "pushes" things along. In the bedroom, I don't think the ASD person would be inclined to initiate anything as much as the NT would. The flip side of that, is that if the NT is used to being approached, and doesn't want to be the initiator every time, that could be an issue.

And on an even more intimate level, there needs to be a full understanding of what feels good and what doesn't; to both NT and ASD people. What tickles an NT might hurt and scare off the ASD person, and what feels close to the NT might feel invasive to the ASD, etc.

Charles

To clarify, the relationship that is working for me is AS/AS. I, as you said above, couldn't tolerate the amount of time I would have to spend (and pay attention to) an NT mate. In fact I was just in line today and there was this guy hanging all over his girlfriend, he started rubbing her neck and asking 'does this feel good?' etc. it was nauseating. So you're not alone in that respect! I would crawl out of my skin if someone insisted on touching me that much for longer than a few seconds...