Does anyone else here absolutely hate having AS?

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Sorry if this has been covered, didn't read all the posts in the thread--but yes, I hate having AS, and if a cure is ever developed (not likely in my lifetime), I would have no qualms about taking it. I have a high IQ, which is definitely not exclusive to being NT, and the vast majority of people who are successful in my area of expertise (music) are NT, so I would likely have more money, a better job, live the "rock star" life, etc.

That said, the reality is I don't have a choice in the matter, so I just try the best I can and carry on...

I hate AS more than anything else in my life and really hope someone finds a cure soon. I'm currently trying the gluten free and caseine free diet. I've only been on it for a few days, so I can't tell if it's working and I don't think it's going to cure me, but hope it will lessen my autistics symptoms. Don't know if it will work for you, but it's worth a try imo and it can't really hurt.

Here's some info on it: Diet for autism

I hate it too.

I hate the sensory sensitivity in so many ways. I'm cursed because every last sense I have is extra sensitive. (even my 6th sense, even if you don't believe in it) I can feel when others are distressed and it makes me distressed too because I simply CANNOT shut it off.

I hate that I can't adapt to any new situation and keep doing the same thing until someone forcibly corrects me (fires me or stops talking to me, for example).

I hate that I can't work a full-time job or complete a full-time course load. I hate that I can only do well with subjects that fascinate me and even then if there is a group project or another social component I will fail the course even with straight A's on tests.

I hate feeling like an outcast. I hate walking down the street in my city with all the noises and people and everything.

I hate being alone even though I'm married!

I hate having meltdowns so bad that I feel great shame for having treated my loved ones so badly.

I hate that I can't stop thinking about how bad I've made things for myself and how with such a hard life lead there is no way out of my misery and torment barring suicide which I'm too cowardly to commit.

I hate that I can't share any of my gifts with the world without the ego-inflating/deflating crap, 'yes, that's good enough dear, or you're not trying hard enough, well which one is it?'

I hate that I can't express myself without typing a million words (or speaking in a long diatribe that goes no where and explains nothing just gets me more worked up).

I hate that I can't just build a cabin in the woods and grow my own food and hunt and fish and lead a very simple life. Life is too damn complicated, if you have a cabin in the woods you would have to own the land, pay property tax, earn some kind of income to keep up with society's crap even though you're miles away from it.

Ugh, I could go on but this is getting more depressing. So glad so many of you can relate, I'm sick of hearing all the 'positives' of being Aspie, FFS, it's a disorder, some of us have it mild (lucky you, sorry if that offends but you're LUCKY) and some of us have it moderate to severe. I think those of us who have it severe can't help it but hate it. What the heck would it take to come to acceptance of never, ever, ever, meeting your potential in life? REALLY!?

I only have it mild but I hate it too. And I get fed up with keep hearing people here say ''Asperger's makes me who I am, and I wouldn't swap it for anything in the world.'' That is not my attitude anyway. Asperger's actually makes me who I don't want to be, and often I feel that I have an ''inner NT'' what is screaming to get out but is being kept inside by the evil Asperger's. Sometimes people actually get to see the inner NT, and they like me for it, then suddenly the Asperger's takes over when unexpected and suddenly those people notice something off and become a little afraid of me. I don't like being this way. I want to be all NT, with the usual quirks and anxieties, I don't like having weird quirks and anxieties. I don't like being unpredictable, getting upset when someone keeps sneezing or yawns loudly, and becoming easily startled when a dog barks or a bell rings. I feel so abnormal being this way, but again I can't help it, it's all tied in with my personality and it wouldn't feel natural to stop thinking this way. Also I see the bus-drivers that I am obsessed with, and I know they're only bus-drivers, but I still wish I was one of them. I see them chatting to eachother, the women drivers flirting with the men drivers, and they all have familiar faces and I feel like they're part of my life as though they're my own work colleagues, but they're not, and I am told by relatives that I should think more about my real friends and get on with my life. I know they're right, but I'm an Aspie and it is natural for an Aspie to let their obsessions take over, and I don't mind having an obsession with this certain group of bus-drivers but I just wish it wouldn't come to a point where I want to be them so bad that I get upset over it and end up beating myself up inside about it. I suppose it's normal for people to get bored with being themselves sometimes, we all wish we could change into different people throughout our lives, and even millionnaires groan and grumble, there are very few people that are satisfied with their life and try to appreciate what they've got. So, to make me feel better, I try to imagine that even these bus-drivers that I'm obsessed with might get bored or unhappy with their life, and you never know, one of them might see me and wish to just be a passenger going to an easier job with stable shifts, like me (well, I do voluntary work at the moment but they don't know that). But sometimes I just feel that everybody else has got much more than I've got. And I have a cousin who always lands on her feet, she only has to just about attend one interview and she gets the job, even if it doesn't last, she still somehow gets in somewhere else, maybe through someone she knows. But me, nothing falls into place for me; I've got to do everything by myself, and just rely on luck (which I don't seem to have), I don't even have any skill. The only skills I have are to be annoying, to be obsessive, and to complain. Too bad complaining isn't a paid job, because then I would be a millionnaire. But who wouldn't complain when living this life I've got?

I don't intrinsically hate how I am, I just hate how a lot of people react towards me as a result of being how I am, so a lot of the time I see it as them being at fault, not me. The majority of people seem to be highly intolerant of difference and I feel no compunction to make myself more like them - I'd hate to be like them in fact. It means if any one of their so-called friends became different in some way overnight they'd probably drop them like a hot brick - thus demonstrating how shallow their connections really are - all based on conformity to group demands. These people are slaves to their genes/biological determinism; I'm not. Being on the outside has given me a highly realistic view of what human beings are all about and I'm glad to have been given the warning, so I can avoid most of them!

Sorry if I sound naive or ignorant (even for an "aspie") but why are so many different personalities found within the label of AS, not just within the label of autism in general? I have met several "aspies" who seem to be able to read my mind (in a wonderful way), but I also have met several "aspies" who are very hard to talk to because their language skills are severely impaired. I'm not talking about people with mutism, but people who can talk at a normal volume with a normal voice, yet they have a LOT of trouble understanding ANY kind of metaphors, figurative language, etc. Also, a lot of "us" seem to talk much faster than the average person, and have trouble pronouncing the letter R. I live in Philadelphia, but a lot of the kids with AS in my school I thought were British when I first met them due to this! For some odd reason, only girls with AS seem to have this particular trait.

I cant really say I hate it, as I have never experienced being "normal".

I hate that too. It just annoys me. Its a battle. I have to live a lie so I can feel confident and have friends that matter. I haven't met my real self and I dont think I have any intrest to. There is not anything to celebrate or embrace. There are so many compliments people give me about it but probably the one I hate the most is that it makes me who I am. It does not I make myself who I am. AS didn't have anything to do with it. I feel better to go out and act normal It is so important to be like everyone else. (which is easy since im on the borderline). Im a better person when I lie. If I dont pepople will hate me. Its better when I feel like im one of them. I can talk with people and have friends and girlfriends. Its almost like getting into character. I wish my brain would get stuck in that fake me. It still feels like everyone has more then me most of the time still. Yes I am diseased I am a screw up and I have a disorder and im probably cursed. There is no good thing other then normal.