"You're a vulnerable member of society"

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I'm tired of people treating me like I can't think and acting like I'm ripe to get suckered by every predatory person or organization out there. Especially my boyfriend, who said I was "a vulnerable member of society" and needed a lot of looking after and coaching in life.

I am an adult and I should be allowed to make my own decisions without feeling that my parents, other relatives, or boyfriend are going over everything first to make sure it's "safe" - every course I show an interest in, every major purchase, yada yada yada. Even if those decisions do turn out to be wrong and a waste of time and money.

I get accused by them of being "secretive" but perhaps I wouldn't try and do things, sign up for things or buy things on the quiet, if their behaviour hadn't taught me early on that they would stick their long noses into everything I try and do if I didn't make sure that by the time they found out about it, it would be too late. If I decided I wanted to order another load of books with eccentric titles from Amazon, volunteer at the local cats' home, or sign up for a class in 13th century chamber music, then seriously, whose business is that? I'm sick of feeling things are being "vetted" for me and then I'm criticized when I do them without telling anyone.

I feel for you, MissMoneypenny.

First things first, though - and I hope you don't mind me asking but... how old are you?

I have a friend whose parents do the same thing to him. He ended up quitting college on account of his parents calling him all hours of the day hounding him about whether or not he had homework, if he had to work that day, and if he cleaned his room, etc. The man's 21, lady! I'm sure he's capable of doing something by himself.

That actually sounds a bit like it might be part of a pattern of psychological abuse on his part. Not by itself, but if he's generally very controlling, tries to make you dependent on him and make you doubt your own sanity (gaslighting) it reminds me of the pattern of behavior of the narcissists who like to prey on us (funny, they call us vulnerable because they see us as vulnerable to them).

its the reason I dont tell people about my problems. most people think they are being caring and helpful but its the opposite of what I want. NTs seem to do this with anyone that has a disability. you need to explain your feeling because if you dont they wont stop, I have been through this before.

Really, we're strong, but it's because of our difficulty that makes life so hard and makes us seem vulnerable. If anyone had any sort of difficulties then it's bound to make them vulnerable in some way, and it's a shame for us. Well I'm speaking for myself here but I'm sure other aspies share the same or similar experiences as I do.

I can relate. I posted something very similar a few days ago. My family -- and some friends -- treat me like I'm going to break, and are always protecting me and watching out for me. I get checked up on all the time, and they explain things to me over and over again, like I'm stupid. My mother told me that at times I seem "childlike"-- whatever that means -- ,and the words "naive" and "gullible" are also tossed about.

I've held some successful positions with top companies, lived alone for most of the last 25 years and even bought my own house. I think that shows a certain amount of sense. But just let me go on a outing by myself, and I start getting lectures about watching out and being careful and don't do this and don't do that. And god forbid I should forget my phone when I leave the house. Everyone is convinced I"ve been kidnapped by sex traffickers. I exaggerate, but you get the point.

The thing is that now that I've uncovered my ASPie tendencies, some of it seems to make sense.

What if the OP actually is vulnerable?

People with ASDs generally are (socially naive in the least), and they often lack insight into such.