Are you hypersensitive to slights or rejection?

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^^^That^^^

That rings a bell in me too. E.g. it occurs to me that I might contact a friend.......the first thing that hits me is the idea that the last thing they'll want is for me to pop up into their life uninvited. But when I look back at our previous interactions, I see they've often been more invitational and reassuring to me than I've been to them, and that statistically speaking, I actually owe it to them to approach them and to reassure them that I like them. Something inside me refuses to believe that I've ever turned my back on anybody, or that anybody out there could possibly be wishing I'd approach them. The truth is that if I'm on my own, it's usually because I choose to be, but somehow I just can't quite take that idea on board emotionally.

A long time ago I remember suddenly feeling panicky that I was in too deep with other people and immediately turning it round and feeling that they were rejecting me.

I don't know what causes it. It clearly demonstrates a very poor theory of mind in the area of "acceptance feelings." Blurring the distinction between "I like you" and "you like me." A psychoanalyst would probably see it as projection, and in my case as a regression to an early childhood of rejection by my mother. All of which confounds my grasp of the problem even more. I think my best hope is to keep trying to apply cognitive therapy to myself, to try and routinely question every feeling of rejection I have, every reluctance to seek people out, do a reality check, and make my decisions with better awareness of the person and our previous interactions. I can't remember my early childhood well enough to unlock any great secrets there, and I don't know what to do with the idea of projection, except to hope that reality checks will fix that too, if it's operating.

Bottom line is that I think we really need to try hard to get a grip on what people might really be feeling about us, and not to let these weird "intuitions" control us if they don't stand up to robust inquiry.

As an NT reading your responses saddens me because I know I have hurt my beau (ex boyfriend) many times just trying to talk to him about my perceptions in our relationship. Asking to make plans, for sex and for affirmation that he cared - in the way I expected it to be expressed - were always seen as criticisms though I wanted them to be door-openers to conversation and a deeper connection. When I was ignored or he walked away or told me I was cray I often responded with anger and tears and disbelief that he could care so much and alternately be so insensitive to my needs. Never knew, until now, that he just couldn't find the words. He told me, "I just can't talk about this," but having no familiarity with Asperger's I interpreted this as a rejection, not a statement of limitations.

I am genuinely heartbroken and very upset with myself. He tried as best he could.

Wow, same thing with me. The part I've enboldened, this is especially painful. I can't forget the slights and these folks go into my 'evil' category and they stay there! What's worse, is that I've actually occasionally forgiven some of these folks, one who legitimately hurt me in the past . . . and she went and did it again. I had a meltdown to end all meltdowns and suffice it to say, I will never contact her again.

We're often told we're "too sensitive", but really, I think a lot of it is us misunderstanding NT's instructions, teasings, etc. What ticks me off is when someone actually is attacking me, and someone pulls that "you're too sensitive" BS. That's when I tell them, hey, you have feelings too, dontcha, and you wouldn't like it if someone attacked you and you'd b***h about it, wouldn't ya??

Yeah, I hate being called "too sensitive," too.

Same here And it is often impossible to avoid that influential/important person you are talking about. It is also a crushing blow when it is someone you thought would understand but didn't. There is no safe haven from rejection, no harbor from the cruelties of grade school and high school.

This is an interesting thread as it doesn't bother me. Of course, I had the advantage of recognizing a difference between "me and others", without any commentary about "autism" or otherwise being classified as "defective".

Once I realized that people were basically "nuts" and that the "nuts" were "in charge", I pretty much just clammed up and waited for that magic day when I became an "adult" in the eyes of the law.

It does, however, bother others that their attempts don't bother me...and that was fun for about 5 minutes...but it just quit happening, altogether, once I lost interest. If someone is "new" and really determined, I might play with them a little bit - but then I just have to fire a bit of a "warning shot" to get it to end, and I don't like doing that. NTs are far more fragile than we are, in my opinion.

I was a "bullier of bullies" which was, as I said, fun for about 5 minutes - turns out that bullies are actually very "fragile". More so than most.

Yes, I am extremely sensitive to the point I can't let grudges or injustice go. Good thing I never became a cop as I still get angry about things that happened 15-20 years ago. You have probably noticed that in my writings by now!

I recently have begun to understood that in High School, many people were NOT rejecting me at all but I was so used to rejection (by both family and "friends") at that point that I instinctively distanced myself of many potential friends. Even to this day, I can hold to an irrational belief that everyone is out to get me because for a while, they literally were and it's a hard mindset to shake. I'm told all the time to let the past go but if it was that easy, I would have $#@$# done it by now!

To paraphrase something I read in a book about depression - "There is no such thing as 'too sensitive'; this is merely a statement of abuse. Sensitivity = Awareness. How can one be 'too aware'?" Now, my autistic mind can over-analyze that statement and see some flaws in it, but placing no extra analysis into it, I kinda like that thought.

Yeah I'm pretty sensitive insults; wish I wasn't though because I'm not free and happy if all I can think about is the unimportant drama people try to force me into. I think it's starting to take its toll because I'm getting more shy and anxious, and I'm not as happy as I used to be. All I can say is you're not alone since I have that hypersensitivity too, and that I hope one day you find a way to over come it and that you are happy.

I suppose if I'd just let myself go and melted down every time they put me in school, instead of trying to behave myself so much, I might have been spared immersion in that cruel nexus. I've heard of autistic people getting out like that. But I just can't throw a wobbly unless I really mean it.

As for rejection, you can't be rejected if you "get the boot in first" (i.e. reject them), but I admit that's not a very healthy fix, even if it avoids the pain of being pushed away. Still, it depends on the people. Some groups just aren't set up for this benign, inclusive, nonjudgemental thing we tend to need

..Did not read the whole thread, yet,; but love this words of JesseCat.
Very inspiring.

Hmm it depends on who, my mood, etc.
If a stranger tells me "I'm not interested" or soemthing even "nicer" than that to reject me I am fine. If they say "you aren't my type" "I'm not attracted to you" thst eats me alive. If it someone I know then yes... like I know this particular person that is mean for the sake of boosting her own esteem/ego. If it makes sense to reject me what I said... then I won't care at all aside from I wish I had someone like me type thoughts not hurt from being rejected.