What message do we give off?

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Implicit learning or Implicit perspective: the ability to recognize that others have thoughts, feelings and motives outside your own and the ability to interpret them. ToM

Explicit learning or Explicit perspective: ability to reflect upon ones own thoughts, feelings, behavior, etc. Self Reflection.

Implicit perspective: is thought to be automatic/instinctual.

Explicit Perspective: is thought not to be automatic BUT higher order than Implicit perspective.

Explicit perspective may be highly developed in many Autistics to the point where it may be actually compensating for Implicit perspective.



*Just an opinion and should be taken as such.

TheSunAlsoRises

Yes, I'm very much like that if I don't pay careful attention to not sounding like that, which I trained myself to do in my teens when I was given this feedback. Eg I used to say "I hate X" or "I love X". I was once not invited to a party everyone was invited to because I had said I "hated" someone who'd be there. Since I don't want to be excluded, I've never again uttered the words "I hate (person)".

This is pretty much the answer I would have stated. I have also noticed the same habits among NT's. The problem with me is that I answer the question, respond to the statement, so there is closure to that topic. Then I am left confused on how to continue the conversation. Do I start a new topic? Do I start talking about the weather?

I also think NT's talk just to talk That is how they bond with each other. So the point of the conversation has less to do with the topic and more to do with the social connectedness.

That is why small talk eludes me. There really is no point. "So, it is a nice day outside." Serves absolutely no purpose, other than getting a response from another human being. Since people with AS don't thrive on social connectedness, some of the ulterior motives of conversation are lost on them.

I don't know...just rambling.

That's what I dislike about other people -- their ability to think negatively of people they do not know, have not talked to in order to challenge their thinking, and probably never will.

Anyway I suspect with me that I come off as too much of a PITA. Had one person PM me on another forum and label me "Trouble!"

And as a female, I suppose for some people I come off as too logical, unemotional and uncaring. The thing is, oftentimes more than not I do care. But I just cannot write so emphatically vernacular as other people. lol

Well for a start people only judging one from the outside and not considering their feelings on the inside is not what I would call very empathetic. NTs can only be empathetic when they want to be, otherwise they seem to find that difficult. I'm just as bad, I can only be empathetic when I want to be, but I try to have a little consideration of other people rather than jumping to the conclusion that they're weird or stupid just because they look shy or something. It's just silly. But it seems like a lot of people can't help mocking someone just because they don't understand how they feel.

My solution is simply not to become concerned with how people receive my words and actions. They can process them any way they choose and it is not my problem but theirs. They can choose to think I am arrogant or cold or indifferent. None of those adjectives are accurate. I am merely unsure what is going on and what the "right" response is or I have no interest in the type of social interaction going on. I say what I think and I am honest. I tell the truth when asked a question. If someone is kind to me I respond. If someone is unkind or says something weird I say whatever I think at the moment and allow them to process my response whichever way their mind works.

I am only two months diagnosed but I am teaching myself not to try too hard to figure out what is going on. When I get to know someone a little I tell them I am autistic. Sometimes they accept it sometimes they are surprised.

I seldom approach other people with gestures of friendship. No doubt this makes me appear cool and uncaring. In fact it is my inability and unwillingness to make small talk. I can do information exchange fairly easily so I do that when people are willing. I am learning to accept silence calmly and non-judgmentally.

My goal is to eliminate the anxiety I feel in social situations, I have no interest in getting better at social situations. I tried faking it my whole life and now that I understand why I failed I consider it pointless to continue that miserable path.

I have a dog that is a champion. I go to dog shows and find it easy to talk to people about dogs. Again, it is information exchange and I do that well. So I am comfortable with people I share this interest with.

This is all working quite well for me. For example I was at a church meeting recently and a man picked up a food package and said "why is this only in Spanish?" I said "maybe it was purchased at a Mexican grocery store." He said "I think if packages in English need to be in Spanish then ones in Spanish should also be required to have English." (Clearly we have a bigot.) I said "you asked why it had no English I gave you a possible explanation." End of conversation, I walked away. He could think whatever he wanted but no way was I going to debate whether immigrants should have to learn English.

Ditto, I like this statement. When reading some posts here and people are asking what they have done wrong in a certain social situation - I can figure out what probably went wrong, and wonder why they didn't see it at the time, but then remember I wouldn't have seen it at the time either if it happened to me.

I know what you mean. I never know what kind of expression I'm supposed to use in public. Like, if I'm walking around in the mall, or getting on the bus. But it seems no matter what emotion I display on my face, people think I'm some kind of ret*d. Every time I go out in public I see others stand there and stare at me. When I finally look at them, they look away and start walking away. It's even worse when it's a parent with a young child with them. The parent grabs the child's arm, and they briskly get as far away from me as possible. Maybe they think I'm dangerous? I sure hope not; sometimes I dread shopping because I think that's what people see me as: a guy who shouldn't have been left out of the loony bin.

My dilemma in this, and even in relationships, is that over the years I learned it's better to keep my mouth shut in any situation and speak only what needs to be said at the right time.


But that too, is taken the wrong way.

Hmm, I'm the opposite. I get people staring at me oddly, or even laughing about me, but when I look at them they never walk away, and mothers never moved their kids away from me. If anything people always stand in my personal space, or put their kids near me, which is also annoying. But I suppose that goes to show that I don't look dangerous. Also I find people often make small talk with me in the bus stop or in queues in shops even if they have never seen me before, so I can't give off that much of an unusual or creepy expression. So I really don't understand why I get odd looks or girls giggling.

`

I also find this true. Sometimes I have a reaction and do not understand it. I think about it and analyze it; about ten minutes later it makes sense. It is hard to live in a world where you are ten minutes behind everyone else.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eieIv5kcwz0[/youtube]

I feel like people see me like this.

I can relate to the inability to process all the social signals in real time. I kind of think this relates directly to our inability to process non-verbal cues. These cues serve as a sort of subconscious shorthand for NTs that efficiently relay all sorts of information that we must acquire in other, less efficient ways.

This makes social events not only incredibly tiring but also terribly painful for me. Yet oddly enough, I tend to enter parties and other social occasions with a sort of naive optimism that this time will be different. And the each and every time, I find myself leaving feeling more alone and sad than if I had simply stayed at home.

Others just seem to connect so much more easily, whereas people seem to be inclined to avoid me rather than talk to me, especially people I don't know or, at least. don't know well. This used to confuse the heck out of me - it always felt like everyone else knew some sort of secret code that only I didn't know. Then, I came to realize that this code actually exists, and that it consists of complex non-verbal cues that I neither give off nor fully understand.

Try as I may to observe myself and to mimic others, I am never fully successful in mimicking these non-verbal cues. And the truly discomforting part is that these cues must be delivered precisely and naturally, without appearing to be calculated, otherwise the effect is the same - or worse- than not delivering the cues in the first place. This makes the process of trying to mimic "normal" behavior so frustrating and seemingly futile.

I say this after yet another attempt to navigate a party tonight. I might not stick out quite as much as I feel that I do, but still it takes tremendous effort just to navigate such an event and to come off as something other than totally socially inept. I am alert enough to pick up on when people try and avoid me, and I have to admit that as much as I try and brush it off and keep a stiff upper lip, it really does hurt.