Now that I know.... I even more of an PAIN!

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At the age of 28 and stumbling upon the definition of AS and realising I had to grow up with it and still suffer from the syndrome I am now 'letting go' and allowing myself to be prone to the negatives of the syndrome...

eg. My dad always had a loud voice,,, but since he is my dad I have never actually gone off at him - now I can't stand him. I have always hated his voice but have bottled up the dicomfort out of respect.... but know it's even more dicomforting now that I know I hate it for a reason.


-How did everyone else who found out - later,,, go with transitioning to being comfortable again? , or at least not be overly sensitive to things you have always been sensitive too... but now have an excuse to give up on the sensation. .. this could also pertain to sensory addictions and favorite hobbies ... do you know realise that maybe your spending too much time doing the one thing.

I didn't exactly have a negative aspect to the transition. I looked up AS after it was mentioned as being a factor into my exam results, stumbled upon WP and entered a fantastic new sub-world of the Spectrum community. I did notice the traits that I showed afterwards, but it was more of a 'hey, that's cool!' kind of thing, and when any negativity is involved, I can usually be productive about it (like asking someone to tone their voice down because it is too loud).

I tend to look at it as a gift. Sure it has casued some very real problems. I can do things others can't though. Knowing about it sure does make it easier to explain what is going on to those that are near me, my wife is great example. I can now just say overload and she knows instantly what I mean. My obsessions have served me well, I wouldn't trade that trait for the world.

Noises, hard one for me. I don't hear very well anymore. Rock music too loud, factory noise, gun noise, hard to know, probably all of the above. If someone isn't looking straight at me, I have a hard time understanding. I probably read lips to a certian extent. Not bad enough I need hearing aides, but annoying. If there are a ton of people in a room, the many voices can force me out of the room in a hurry. I'm not sure that is all voice related, but it sure doesn't help.

Too much light is the hard one for me, causes a lot of grief.

I can't hack it (the noise) , till now I have just dealt with it mentaly, and would always just think to myself "geez I'd wish he'd shut up" , but now it actually hurts my ears... and I just went off at him and walked outside,,, and all he was doing was talking normally,, actually to tell ya the truth he was talking quieter than usuall.

Addiction: I realise why I smoke about 10 to 20 times more than anyone else, especially when I'm with my peers. , but now I think I can blame it on a syndrome so I am trying to note the reasons for my smoking and stopping the times that I do.
Food Textures: I have decided to try stuff I absolutely hate.... I had cottage cheese the other day! - I think I still hate it , mashed potatoes WITH crunchy peas is next (whooeeh, just typing that gave me shivers - which wouldn't have if I didn't know I have a syndrome? I would have just dismissed it as YUK).
Rubbing my hands and feet - I really have to stop that, I am developing arthitis.
Tapping: I don't see anything wrong with it, but anyone next to me does.
Rubbing My Nose: I have this 'thing'that I do, which has probably changed the natural appearance of my nose.
The twitches - I once asked a doctor about this and he said... hmm probably just nerves. I think I know better now, why my head and left eye and left shoulder and left thigh do what they do.
Sleep: I don't think I have slept in 28 years.... now is the time to learn and solve the problem.... maybe I will get to dream. (Although I have always been scared of my dreams in my youth)
Clothing: Maybe I should wear jeans? - god that put a shudder in my legs, what's happening to me?

Nicotine, seems to be some evidence it does help with concentration. Still wish I could quit.

I read body language in others like a hawk. I have to ask my wife what I do. I'm just not aware of it, unless I'm setting up my mask. I also am manipulating people so I feel more comfortable, nasty ain't I. So when I took the test I needed her help. I just am not aware when I'm clenching my fists, or have my head down rubbing my eyes, other little things too.

Sleep, I think what I do is more of a cat nap and I tend to swing, even when I do those. I don't know when the last time I had what would be close to an 8 hour sleep. Not even sure the last time I slept in an actual bed. Even when depressed, I didn't sleep all that much. Might go a long time sleeping in the early morning and then switch to late in the day. Almost always the night is open for being up. Always it is the body/mind? guiding my sleep pattern. Caused a lot of problems when I couldn't find a job on a night shift. Probably related to the light, that I metioned before. The exception to all that would be when I am obsessed with something, then you couldn't hold me down if you tried. Then I go till I'm exhasted.

Dreams, I do have them. About the only reacurring one has to do with a school setting and I always have a very huge lost feeling. Damn I hate when that happens, makes for a very bad start on my day, errr night.

-I wish I lived in the Italy - going for a nap in the middle of the day and staying up all night sounds like my kind of environment.
-I used to have a really hard time (and to an effect today) getting to sleep - thinking too much about my fav topic and when depressed with the days antisocial behaviour by my peers. (though not anymore, I don't belong to any social groups anymore - including work ones, I'm self employed)
-Reading body language is what put me in hospital. - Imagine being in a room with long time friends, while you think everyone is talking to you throught thier body language. -I just absolutly refuse to read any body language anymore, even though it's so easy (I think NT's don't even know what it is that they are saying with thier bodies, when it's obvious they are lying through their teeth verbally, I think that's why I fell inlove with my X, her body language always said - I like you, to everyone-> but of course always pissed me off when she was talking to male strangers, I would always acuse her of being covorted)

I know what you mean about it being more of a pain now....

I had to learn about Asperger's from my Mom....and SHE heard about it and its symptoms ON THE RADIO! That sucks! I haven't been to a doctor to have it in writing, but I'm sure Asp is what I've got.

So, since my Mom found out about this....she's told everyone in the family, her friends, people that I know that may "need" to know...etc. I'm [more than] a little pissed off about that. It's like having a growth that only YOU know about and telling people that YOU think can handle the news!...but then one of them goes and purchases a BILLBOARD saying that you're deformed!

For me, I try and put in the back of my head. I don't like to think about it. I've suppressed SO many things in my life (I'm sure it's because of Asp and me wanting to fit in)....that it's second nature to "forget it". That is, until someone that my Mom has talked to mentions it to me, or treats me differently than they have my entire life.

As for the noises....yeah. I have a lot of different noise problems....and I also have specific people in my life that drive me nuts (even though they're making the same "sound" as everyone else)....I don't know what it is....but it sure can drive me crazy!

On the brighter side, it's not AS bad now since I can pinpoint things and attach them to Asp. It doesn't make the sounds "go away", but I have a reason to leave the room now....instead of everyone thinking I'm having a tantrum. That's DEFINATELY a plus!

Good luck!

p.s. I smoked for 14 years. I just finally decided to quit before I turned 35. I did it mostly cold turkey, with a little (really, only a little) help from nicotine gum. I still have a pack of smokes stashed away in a drawer in a ziploc baggie...just in case....but I also have a lot of the nicotine gum left, too. It's been since March 25 '06 (HOLEY CRAP! I [LITERALLY] JUST REALIZED IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR! H O L E Y C R A P !)

My dad's the one that tells evryone about everything....me in mental hospital.... people knew that I hadn't seen in years! - he actually went out of his way to tell people.

Good luck with the smoking - I have quit in the old days, but for the most only a week..... always start again everytime I had to socilise...I used smokes as a way of getting away from everyone.,, to tell ya the truth I don't even like smoking.. I always said I'd never do it, I didn't take it up to 'fit in' ... I really am an idiot!

I can't handle light; I always wear sunglasses. I have large pupils, about 9mm...if mm is the right measurement. I know the number is 9.

I can handle loud noises and crowds. I like being in crowds; because it's my psuedo way of feeling accepted. Sometimes, after being around a lot of people (okay, that means 3) I have to interact with I need destress by going into a dark room.

HOWEVER, I can't hear people unless I'm looking at them...so I believe I read lips. And expecially in crowds. I do the body language reading thing and it also really pisses me off when people lie with their words.

That's got to totally suck. How wrong, wrong, wrong is that. I"m offended for you. Why do people do that? I've got a relative that will do that to his own kids. It's terrible. I want to stop him....how do I do that?

Well I don't let him 'know' anything --- but things that are obvious he knows,,,I just complain profusly,,, it doesn't really help, cause he forgets for the next time..... I think NT's like to discuss ALL of thier problems, well some of them do.

For me nothing changed. I never knew why I was the way I was, but I was certainly aware of it and made no bones about it. I wouldn't say I was rude, but I didn't "pretend" to be normal. If anything, I was probably funny about it. I would always say, "I have no idea what you mean by that." That was any time they used double speak or subtexts or popular jargon. I would also always say things like, "My synapsis just misfired. What was that again?" Or, I would say, "My synapsis are fried, you're going to have to explain that." Then, there were times I would just tell them, "You have to explain that. Yes, I really am that dense. No, I will never get it on my own."

Honestly, from what I see on here, I didn't have too many problems with that. I don't appear normal, I flinch if people touch me, then freeze. I either don't look at people or I have a stare that unnerves them. I often get the blank deer-in-the-headlights look which they all call my blank look when I don't get things or I am startled. I never do small talk and I could work with people for years without knowing if they are married or have kids and wouldn't think there was anything wrong with that. Everyone notices that about me pretty quickly. I have absolutely bizarre eating habits which people politely ignore but occasionally point out, then everyone takes the opportunity to tell me they noticed as well. In other words, they all know I'm different, but they know that I know it as well, so we just deal with it. Some of them tell me things about what people really mean, some make sure I eat lunch, some keep track of my outside work calendar so I don't forget things like birthdays and anniversaries. It's more like they just ignore things they think I can't change and take a small bit of the rest to try to help out so I don't get into trouble. I've had pretty good luck with most people unless they are very much an extravert and feeler. I tend to stay away from people like that. They take me way too personally and then try to "get" me. Not good.

As for finding out about AS, I just took the descriptions of the symptoms to lunch and let them see it without explanation. They were like, "Oh, so that's why you are like that." Then, we went on as if nothing happened. I'm still the same me and they still treat me the same way. I think it was a case of I didn't "come out" as much as it finally had a name.

They usually ARE measured in mm, but 9 is LARGE! What did they put down for your eyecolor? NONE? BTW It turns out eye anatomy terms are STUPID! They apparantly sometimes consider the pupil size to be iris size, because the inside iris diameter surrounds the pupil so the [WALL OF] the iris becomes smaller as the pupil gets larger! Did you follow that? In REALITY, the iris size is CONSTANT, but they heavily imply it gets smaller as the pupil gets larger!

BTW in normal light a 9mm pupil should make it hard to see, and be very bad for the retina. Frankly though, I can't imagine them growing to much over 5mm.



In other words, males couldn't attain this unless at least 17 years old, and in the DARK! Females could do it at like 12-13 IN THE DARK! I'm unsure as to whether the subtraction was a power of 2 or not, so I ignored it for simplicity sake. If it is a power, male size would be 1.53mm smaller. Female would be 1.84mm smaller.

Again though, I think 9mm is REALLY pushing it, especially when there is significant light.

Steve

oohhh I won't be telling anyone!,, I grew up the same, my long term friends just shrug it off as second nature - my traits that is. Your traits actually sound just like mine... Touching,Eyes, talking, etc On the whole I believe I am normal, and to tell ya the truth if I didn't know that Asperger's disease was an actuallity - hey then I'd still be 'normal' --Sometimes I actually come off as cool - teenage girls are always in love with me, I come off as the uncaring rebel bike rider yet with subtle touchy feely qualities a girl would want. - of course this no longer is attractive to women my age

Were your parents fairly strict (especially considering today's parents) - ya wreckon they were the ones that unwittingly nurtured the aspie out of you ,, ie it could have been worse, with arms faliling and ADD type tantrums and interaction? I read posts in the parents section, and it seems that their kids actually have 'real' problems... whereas I just believe I may have just been a quite boy with the occasional, what I thought typical growing pains. ..but it may just be that the 'torture' my parents put on me helped cure any 'socially obvious' problems ,eg. climbing on people, the screaming, I mean I may have tucked myself in a corner or started crying or just plain old refused, but even in the most extreme cases of refusal I didn't scream anymore than a missbehaving child, and what is considered a 'meltdown', I mean allright running away is an easy way to dealing with sensations, are AS kids not able to use logic when they get to that meltdown state, or did I learn enough about what I needed to do to avert sensory overload?

-I'm unsure if I'm Autistic or just a slow social learner with a love for my hobbies?

-And I wanna know how ashamed I should be at the way I treated my parents?

My mother was ultra strict by anyone's terms, even in 50's and 60's. She was completely detached from us (in fact she's a diagnosed sociopath), so I'm not sure how much she helped or hurt. I think the Aspie in me and my personality type allowed me to see her for what she was and spared me what my brothers went through with her.

I think the rote teaching back then helped me learn many social rules so I could get along. I thought they were pretty stupid, but so did most kids in elementary school. We all learned them because we had to. Now, if I thought they were completely stupid, I would just refuse.

I did have meltdowns. I didn't start kindergarten the year I should have because I had an extreme meltdown and they sent me home. The next year I also had a meltdown, but then I met Mary, my first girlfriend who was a tomboy, and everything was fine. She and I hung out.

I think what happened with me, to be honest, is that much of my more seemingly anit-social or anxiety behavior (touch, sound, etc.) was put down to extreme shyness. I know that they knew I was different, but things that might have become an issue didn't because they saw meltdowns as I was shy and didn't want to leave home or I hadn't been exposed to many people outside my family. That and I grew up in a very small town, so even if I was different, I was from there and accepted as such. They hated outsiders no matter how normal they were. So, there was a certain protecting of me that I don't see many as having had on here. My teachers also really took my education in hand and totally fed into my interests while kind of ignoring subjects I wasn't interested in at all. It would be more like a gifted program is today except that they just took it upon themselves to create it and set me up in the library to go through it from sixth grade on. I'm sure that also accounts for why some things that would have been an issue in a normal classroom (the fact that I wrote non-stop while the teacher was lecturing or even during tests), were simply not an issue because I wasn't in a normal classroom setting. That particular thing worked very well for me.

As for my parents, I didn't have much interaction with my mother after I turned eight and told her I didn't care what she thought about anything. I told her I was going to my room and she should just ignore me like I intended to do to her. That's what we did. That is actually the best way to deal with my mother so I was lucky in that respect. I adored my father. I was the only girl so he spoiled me rotten, as did my five brothers. They would never have stood for me being picked on. My brothers would have beat the ever loving crap out of anyone who might have done that. They also protected me from much of the world and my own inability to read it. My father and brothers were very over protective of me. That and my teachers probably gave me confidence to just be myself.


As for the people who read the symptoms, they were actually my old staff. I was their manager for years. They liked me because I was fair to all of them and fought for things they needed or against people who tried to undermine them. They never thought I was normal, but we all got along. I have three "best" friends. Two grew up with me and see me more like family I'm sure, while the other one I am positive is AS herself. She's much more pronounced than I am.

Oh and I do the hand flap thing if I'm scared or highly stressed. I always did. I also twist my hands and my eye twitches.

I found the same quote at http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=13627250 but there it has the same misprint. (NB They actual state earlier that the study only covered 1 month to 19 years, so you need to be careful when getting near their limit, and 17 is near.)

By saying "Second order regression" they are definitely talking about quadratic expressions. No way can you drop the squared term! It dominates!

If you take the males equation at face value, with the "0053" as if it meant "0.053", you get the ridiculous result that pupils become negative at the age of twelve!

So I guess the error is that the term should have the coefficient "0.0053", which is much more sensible.

Overall, as they say elsewhere, that boils down to male/female not being all that much different. Both increase more rapidly from an early 5.5 to level off at about 7 mm. I would imagine that there's not a lot of change beyond the age of about 17, which is why they didn't research that.

At the end of the day, we're still back to 9 mm being rather unusual!

PS Looking up "mesopic" I get "low light levels". I think what they are talking about is not "in the dark", but in comfortable, normal, maybe just a little dim, lighting. I.e not having a torch shone in your eye.