Why Didn't Anybody Tell Me?

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Hello and thank you for reading my post. I will make it as brief as possible.

I am 35 years old and I only became aware that I am an Aspie a few weeks ago. I have struggled with drug addiction, depression, anxiety, profound confusion and executive dysfunction, social rejection and isolation, I have been homeless several times, divorced, and generally having a horrible time here on Earth. If I owned a pickup truck and a dog I could write a country western ballad about my life. I have always had the impression that people knew something about me but wouldn't tell me. I have learned to make a stellar first impression after many, many years of struggling but after a very short time my bag of tricks is exhausted. As soon as the initial formality wears off people usually reject me outright but sometimes the disgust and rejection suddenly changes. I have actually witnessed the "A-Ha!" moment several times.

I am extremely intelligent and self-aware. Through my experiences as a guest at several substance abuse rehabilitation facilities I have slowly been building an ever more elaborate social scaffold. I see now that I approach socialization heuristically and empirically, drawing on my memory of past experience and using my thinking brain to "fake it". I think that most people who know me and know about Asperger's assume from the way I talk about myself that I already know I am Aspie and choose not to disclose.

I graduated from high school in 1994 so I know that there was some awareness of AS, albeit not as much as there is now. I went to a psychiatrist for a short while when I was seven or eight years old. I have spent in total more than three years of my life in residential drug treatment. I also have a sister who is a high school teacher with a Master's Degree in Education.

Folks, I kind of feel like I have had a booger hanging out of my nose for over three decades and NOBODY told me about it. I want to move forward and focus on what I can do to improve my life but I am obsessing over one burning question: "WHY THE F@$K DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME??! !"

Can anybody relate? Is it possible that my coping and compensation was that good?

folks thought i was weird, but since i did well in school, it never seemed a big enough problem to look into. my nephew was diagnosed (in his 20's. he wonders why it took the docs so long to figure out. he's been in treatment for years.) i looked up his symptoms and found myself described. i never wondered why people didn't tell me. i tend to be quiet, so those who didn't know me well just thought i was shy. those closer never heard of asperger's. i've had psychological testing out the wazzoo and no one picked up on it. they thought perhaps ADHD, but i don't have that. i was an MD and never heard of asperger's until a few years ago. i'm not mad at anyone, just relieved that i understand myself better. i was getting to accept my quirks even before i figured out i had AS. i'll never be a salesperson or politician. i'll never be popular. it's all okay. i have a job i mostly like and a great (quiet, too) husband, a little family, and some internet friends. i sing in a group. i have a nice little life. it's taken 50 years to get here. never give up. the only person you can change is you.

I'm right there with you. 33, and just diagnosed two months ago. Growing up, everyone around me knew I was different, weird, quirky, abnormal. My grandmother kept telling my mom there was something wrong with me before I was even 2 years old. But no one ever thought to have me checked out. Sure, AS wasn't a diagnosis when I was a small child, but ADHD was. Epilepsy was. Psychotic hallucinations were too.

But no. They never took me to see a professional, apparently because I was really smart. Sure, she's weird, sees things that aren't there, stares off into space suddenly, etc. etc. etc., but that's all just because she's really smart. That explains it. /eyeroll

Sorry, rant over.

EXACTLY!! ! I was always triple nines on standardized tests, aced exams I never studied for, went to university when I was sixteen and completely failed!! I was a college dropout at seventeen and none of the (expletives deleted for your safety) that were supposed to be looking out for me EVER really advocated for me. I know I have to get past this to move on but for now I am sooooooo angry. I can not describe the misery I have been through and it might have been prevented if I had intervention at a young age.

I think my family definitely did know there was something seriously wrong. I think that the school most likely tried to intervene and my scumbag mother and her husband prevented them. To my mother I was living proof that she wasn't a total waste of life and she could not stand the thought that something might be wrong with her golden child. I need to go punch a pillow!! !

I realized that in my case, people weren't aware of Asperger's and throughout childhood and adolescence, only those who were low functioning got an autism diagnosis. In fact, as late as 1994 or so, a therapist said that "if there were such a thing as a little bit autistic, that would fit me." I did notify that therapist about my diagnosis nearly 10 years later as an adult, and she agreed with it. I also think that being female also delayed the diagnosis since it wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I was finally diagnosed.

I just found out about my asperger this spring. Before that I thought that Asperger was someting about: men, very intelligent, very good at math, veird etc. I don´t think that anybody have ever suspected asperger in me, I was just weird (rude and arrogant?) buy I think that asperger is much more known in the US than here. I see people refer to asperger as somewhat "desireable" diagnosis, I didn´t know that before I saw it here a few times.

I am just happy that I found out, eventually. I think many things would have been different if I had known earlier, but the diagnosis did not exist when I was a child. Having the knowledge of my weaknesses makes me much better to deal with society and the "system" .

Just to play devil's advocate for second - The only reason we got a diagnosis for DS was because of a persistent speech therapist who insisted we see a developmental paediatrician.
Yes, I was aware that DS was 'quirky' and marched to the beat of his own drum but it never once occurred to me that it could be a developmental delay, I thought he was wonderful and all the other kids who were around him and didn't play with him were bullies and who couldn't read or write just weren't as bright as he was. Now, it's as plain as the nose on his face but I can imagine that 25 years ago no-one would have thought twice about it - even now I get looks if I tell them he has Autism but he extremely high functioning.

I think a lot of teaching assistants knew, but the teachers never believed them.

(Sorry for my awful writing).
There is this family across the road, everyone who knows even just a little bit about autism, knows that the three kids are autistic.

The dad is probably is autistic as well, but refuses to let his kids have any diagnosis, or to even acknowledge their differences.
We think the mum knows, seeing as she used to be a primary school teacher.

All of the kids are probably dyslexic as well, but only the middle child has a diagnosis, because her mum insisted when the child started secondary school. The child can't write her own name at the age of 12. Her name is short, and simple.

My parents had their own undiagnosed PDD's.... alcoholism and religion..... and their own problems to deal with, I guess

I'm fairly angry that an intervention didnt occur sooner

Found out myself at 47years old, after taking mushrooms

I'm still waiting for an official diagnosis but it's just a formality at this point. Yes, many people apparently know I have AS at work especially. For example, I mentioned it casually to two with experience in Autism: one said it's highly likely and pointed out a quirk I had no idea I had and the other laughed and said I'm probably the last to figure it out. As well, my former boss once jumped up and said "Now I understand you!" and suddenly seemed to completely understand my needs (shifted me to working alone without direct supervision for example) and a supervisor told me "Don't you see? Your brain is wired differently than most of the world!". God only knows how many other statements like this I was completely oblivious to.

I still have a very strong suspicion that my mother knows much more than she will ever let on. I know she'll go to her grave before ever spilling the beans but I suspect she's been told something when I was a child and kept it from me because she thought I would have hurt me. Well, when you are almost suicidal as a teenager because you can't understand why everyone seems to hate you yet adults tell you what a great person you are, a label like Autism or Aspergers would have certainly helped to say the least!

Just described my life history pretty well. I was 33 before I stumbled onto AS, didn't expect realising I suffered from it to effect me as much as it did. I never realised how much interaction I had to fake that others didn't till that point. Can still pass for relatively normal but letting the inner aspie out has left me less stressed.