I think too much, which causes anxiety. There's the big thoughts that cause anxiety for most people (''will I lose my job?'', ''the bills are too high this month!'', et cetera), and there's the medium thoughts that NTs can relate to but don't always worry about (''will the bus come on time?'', ''will the jobcentre be OK with my job search?'', et cetera). Then there's the thoughts that I can't stop thinking about what other people would just tut and go, ''you're worrying about THAT? What the hell for? That's not much to even think of worrying about! Jesus, lighten up, mate!'' For example these thoughts:-
''What if I get stared at today?''
Oh my God, a person is coming towards me, where do I look? If I look at them I might catch them staring back at me, worrying that they're staring to judge me. If I look down I then look nervous, making them stare even more. If I smile at them they might not smile back, which people normally don't bother to do. Oh, do I have to walk past this stupid critical-likely person?!
''What if I can't get across this road?''
Oh my God, this road is very awkward, there's loads of cars and I'm so scared I might walk across when I'm not supposed to because I'm no good with judging distances, and then most drivers are aggressive these days and so one might bib his horn at me, making me feel like an idiot, I can't bear it, please let me across this road right now!
''What if I don't get a seat on the bus?''
Oh my God, all 32 seats are filled, now I've got to stand in a crush at the front, having to step out of the way every time somebody comes on, I just want to sit comfortably and listen to my iPod. Nobody seems to be getting off, will I have to stand up here the whole way? Why don't they run bigger buses?!
''What if I get in somebody's way in the supermarket?''
Oh my God, the supermarket looks crowded already and I'm only at the door, and people are pushing past and staring at me already. And oh I can't concentrate with trying to look what I need to get because other people keep wanting to get to where I'm standing, and women keep snapping '' 'scuse me!'' and making me feel like a ret*d that always obliviously gets in everyone's way, let me out of here, these people are standing too close to me, can't they wait their turn?!
''What if a toddler starts screaming near me?''
Oh my God, a mother is standing next to me with a whiny toddler in the pushchair, oh does she have to get it out, now it's going to be running around my feet, looks like a miserable baby that might have a tantrum over something ridiculous at any moment now, uh it's looking up at me, get it away! Oh my God, now the mother is making it get back into it's pushchair but it doesn't want to and so decides to kick and scream, oh get me away from this horrible monster, it's too overwhelming!
''What if some random stranger greets my mum, making me feel obliged to look at them and speak too?''
Oh my God, here's someone coming, my mum is gawping at them wanting them to say hello when she doesn't even know them, trust me to have an over-friendly mum! Now if I don't also look up at them and speak too, I feel ignored, but at the same time I find it intimidating to look up, I'd rather look down and avoid all eye contact with stupid strangers! For Christ sake, I hate this life!
''What if immature boys on bikes humiliate me when passing me, like shouting in my face?''
Oh my God, here comes a couple of 12/13-year-old boys on their bikes, and they sound obnoxious from the way they're singing loud and showing off, I know what's coming - they're going to scream in my face and startle me as they whizz by, I know it, please make them go another way, I hate teenagers I hate them!
It all comes from thinking too much.
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