Ever been told you're ugly?

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I tell myself that. All. The. Time.

One time my mom and brother and I got into a discussion on how attractive we were, and my mom and I agreed that my brother was an 8.5/10. But when I asked how I would be rated on a scale of 1 to 10, my brother hesitated a lot and told me that he couldn't bring himself to admit what he thought of me, only saying that I was not what he would want in a girl. My mom said that I was about a 5 or a 6 and told me that I was kind of plain-looking and had no striking features.

What's really odd about this conversation is that my mom and brother are usually very kind to me. But I suppose that they weren't being mean; just honest. Still doesn't hurt any less. I have never told my mom how much that conversation hurt me; there's a chance that so much time has passed that she's forgotten about it (it was a couple of months ago).

But my mom's observations are probably accurate, since no one has called me pretty except when it seemed like they were just trying to be nice to me, since everyone knows what horrible self-esteem I have. Additionally, my picture was once posted on an "Ugliest Members" list on another website I frequent.

@idahorose: For real? That's horrible. Remember that preference is a huge issue in these things... one person's ugly is another person's beautiful. It sounds incredibly cliché and I normally don't buy into those kind of clichés but this one is true. People can be incredibly cruel as well and it sounds as if the people in that forum were cruel if they had an "ugliest members" thread. I don't even think a "most attractive members" thread would be good because even that could give make some people upset. Have you posted a picture on WP?

I haven't been told outright that I'm ugly but I've got made fun of in the past for my hair and I used to have a mole on my right cheek that I got made fun of a bit.

Women actually think I'm attractive despite being overweight. Some New Age woo-woo ascribed to to me being a Taurus.

The gay guy I mentioned in my above post felt compelled to come right out and say to me one time "Erik, you wanna know why I wouldn't want to f*ck you? You're fat, ugly, and annoying." I was maybe 5-10 lbs overweight at the time. I'll never understand why the little prick felt the need to tell me this. I did not find him sexually attractive and I wonder if maybe my aspie-ness gave off some signal to him that the opposite was true,

I wish I had this kind of outlook. An aquaintance of mine in college told me that I cared too much about what other people think about me. The big issue is that I'm a people watcher, a people analyzer, and words are like daggers to me. What a terrible combo to have, I admit, but that is my make-up.

No. And if I was, I don't remember it.

Words are like daggers to me too but I've experienced far more pain lately from being in love with a person who doesn't care about me than I ever have from comments about my appearance (invariably overheard ones, not to my face).

This 'you care too much about what other people think' line is very spurious - it's invariably said by people who don't have anything bad said about them! And if this type does get insulted - they will often get very angry indeed about it - I think this is the type of thing that causes a lot of drunken fights where someone ends up dead to be quite honest. Having driven away all the overtly 'ugly'/too different people from the social scene, the majority nasty type has no one to pick on so they turn in on each other and they completely overreact because they aren't used to being called ugly/insulted and won't back down and it leads to an attack. It's a death match between two 'nasties' effectively and I have to say I rarely feel sorry for them.

I've never been directly told that I'm ugly but I've heard many hurtful comments from some girls at my school such as "who in the world would want to look like Curiotical?" yet, other girls think I'm adorable.

I'm not sure, but I do know for a fact I'm anything but attractive. It's not like I care; my work does not require me to not look ugly.

I have never been told that I was ugly to my face but, I have felt that vibe from girls I find attractive. I've been called "cute" or "a gentleman" many times but never "hot" or "sexy". I feel that because I have Asperger's, I feel and appear more ugly to the opposite sex and once I tell girls that I find attractive that I have AS, it causes an immediate buzz-kill. My mom goes on and on about appearance and that I should look after myself and then girls will notice me. I don't agree with that at all. I think there is more to it than that. If you are remotely weird or have Asperger's or look "ugly", beautiful "hot" girls ignore you. Because of this, I feel not only lonely but I also I feel unattractive. Why does the World have to be this way?

My sister is the only one that has ever called me ugly. And that's usually when we're fighting with each other.

Other than that, no. I usually get complimented on my appearance.

Never been told that infact most ladies would say i was cute and for some reason they liked my eyelashes as they were longer then theirs which was an interesting comment.

All the time growing up. Granted, culturally, I live in an area, where dark men like their women thick, and when I was younger I was anorexic so I was called ugly essentially all the time by guys and girls alike.

Guys would be like "i'm never dating you, you're too thin and ugly." (which of course deflated my confidence) Girls would have all sorts of weird reactions to me. There were some who would sneer at me "ha you're never going to get a boyfriend looking like that!" (one even said that i wouldn't get a boyfriend because I lacked boobs to attract a guy-- yes, she really said that. I kicked a little bit of cream'o'tartar into her pancake in foods class and she was wondering why hers "taste so bad"-- granted we were only 13 at the time, but still). Some thought I was lesbian (even though I'm not-- I'm just not a very feminine female), and would tease me based upon that (come to find out, they were lesbian themselves and fighting their own sexuality). Then there were those insecure girls. Those other than the vain guys were the worst. The ones who tried to unsuccessfully rip me a new one because they thought me staring off in to space in deep thought was me staring at their boyfriend. That's what you call some crippling insecurity.

There was one girl, who associated me with my sister and her friends instead of separately (my sister and her friends were acting obnoxious), and her bf got me by myself to ask me for my number on a friendship basis because he knew that his controlling gf wouldn't be accepting of it if he did so in front of her. But no, she found out and she screamed me into a corner with saying "stop!! he's miiine ugly b*tch"and gestured a blocking gesture like a cop, to where I was laughing deliriously and I couldn't take her seriously any longer. Dumbfounded by her actions, I impromptu sang and danced spice girls to make fun of it (keep in mind this was in the later 90's) and her bf (who was hiding away from my sister and her friends) was dying with laughter and trying hard to conceal it but I could still hear him.

And then there was that other girl from orchestra who tried giving me hell during seminar. I was in the worst mood ever, pms'ing, in a hyper focus, and practicing my contest solo and working on memorizing it. So I was looking away from my music while playing. And she had the gall to walk up to me and suspect me of staring at her boyfriend (she wouldn't have know what it was like to memorize a solo for contest, ms. back-of-the-2nds-section so it's not like she knew what I was doing). She accused me of clamoring over him, staring at him, and of course called me an "ugly unattractive b*tch" and punched my music stand over in my instrument case. I zinged back "GOOD, I can work on memorizing my music and pretend stare at your boyfriend further" She did not like this response, but I was in a mood (you do not ever dare break my intense focus for something so incredibly moronic) and she deserved it on top of that. She threw another punch, this time aimed for me. I ducked. She hit a brick wall. Totally jacked her hand up. And only she had herself to blame for it.

Now, later on, I'm healthy. And it's surprising how people (guys in particular) are now coming out of the woodwork going "omg, you're so pretty now! I can't believe, you're so hot now" like, f*ckers. SO FAKE. It was only after I had the love and support of my bf that he intervened with me, and I put in the hard work required to get well. And here I am, 8 years later. Bf of course always knew I was beautiful. Because he dug deeper and found it in me instead of glazing over just a glance of me and assuming the worst.

I don't think a lot of people can perceive (or even "appreciate") anything in their narrow view of beauty unless it slaps them directly in the face either. Never said the vainest of NTs had a thing for awareness of their surroundings either though.

I've experienced that pain myself . . it's been awhile, but it's awful, I know. I'm battling depression and anxiety now, the last thing I would need was to develop feelings for another,



Oftentimes yes. In that particular instance, it actually came out of the mouth of a fellow outcast. She was, believe it or not, being sympathetic, and unknowingly ironic at the same time.

As for the nasties going after each other, I'm all for it. Sharks killing sharks is a beautiful thing. Let the Alphas do battle with each and leave us alone . . .