How do you learn when people are done talking?! !!

Post Reply New Topic

I hate the "pause" that people do! I assume they are done talking and I can talk and say what I want to say but I always get it wrong!! !! They pause then keep talking. I guess to take a breath but I can ramble and talk fast and get out what I want to say! I don't pause! I TALK!! !! I hate this "pausing" that people do it's ANNOYING! JUST TALK!

Try waiting ten seconds to see if they say anything else. If not, they are done.

I've got the reverse problem. I gave up on identifying that pause, so I wait. Sometimes I time it okay, and sometimes I create an awkward silence. Especially on the phone. There are some nonverbal cues I can pick up that mean "I'm done, your turn", but on the phone, I don't get them. I also don't necessarily talk if I don't have something to add. So many times I've had someone hang up and call me back because they thought the line had died.

There's no such thing as "done talking". The tiniest pause is appropriate for you to take your turn. Often people will continue talking after a pause precisely because you remained silent.

Some NTs will never take a breath because they want to hog the conversation. Usually they are the ones who have absolutely no content of any value in their monologues.

The people I talk to don't even pause :/

I have to interrupt if I want to get a word in edgewise. Story of my life.

Some people never are.

One time I had to hang up on a friend because after telling her for the THIRD TIME that I was hungry and needed to get off the phone and go eat dinner, she just kept talking and talking.

For some reason, we're no longer friends.
Can anyone guess why?

I sometimes ask my girlfriend if she is pausing or stopping. Sometimes I do it with gestures.

I recently learned that sometimes she keeps talking because she is waiting for a response from me. But during those times, I wasn't responding, because I was waiting for her to stop.

i know that people have finished talking when they no longer interrupt what i am trying to say.

They are monologuing their unspecial interest.

Moondust is spot on here with small talk. Break in there at the pause. You are on equal footing.

I work with this person. Every time she joins an existing group who were already talking about something interesting (e.g. at tea break), suddenly we get to sit and listen to everything she's been doing all day. And the worst thing is, everyone else encourages her!! They actually empathise with her or prompt her with questions to find out more and the original topic is completely forgotten (which should be a social faux pas should it not?). I then end up sitting in silence thinking about something else entirely until it's time to go back to work.

2-3 seconds is good if you want to add to a topic.

5-7 if you want to change topic.

Also, people will start to employ short words like "yeah" with nothing following.

I can tell when people do not wish to carry a conversation (more like one-sided word-dump on their part) when:
1: They walk away.
2: They change the topic.
3: The "pregnant pause."
4: They say they don't want to talk about the topic at hand.
5: They say they have some sort of task that (suddenly) needs to be completed.
6: They say nothing/stop talking/ignore you.
7: Change of diction/inflection.
8: Sighing.
9: They start to eyeball routes of egress (doors, etc.). It's a subtle way of saying "I need to escape from this boring conversation. Where's the quickest way out?"

I was in a parent-teacher interview once, and I infuriated my teacher enough to the point where she started yelling (loudly) about what a horrible student I was (in front of several dozen people, and my mother) because I "kept interrupting" her.

And when you change it into something more interesting, they give you that insidious glare that turns you to stone if you should look up at their gleaming red eyes.

As for me, when it's something of little interest to me, I find myself waiting for that long exhale giving me time to say, sorry but I got to go.

I have this problem too...in person, I pause too long and they just keep talking; on the phone, I don't pause long enough and end up interrupting. It's highly frustrating, so I just avoid talking.