aspie women and boyfriends

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I suspect in real life, people think I have a boyfriend or something and hence forget about me (I mean, they seem to like me enough when they talk to me at school, but never talk to me anywhere but at school). At least not having anyone to talk to in person it gives me a lot of time to read the stack of research papers I have this weekend.

straw man statistics that you have just invented

That's not true.

I get a lot of abusive attitudes off NT men and women - these men certainly aren't giving me an easy time - they can be very rude about me and disrespectful towards me and it affects my self esteem badly.

I have just learned to avoid these types of men like the plague and as a result the men I interact with are only the nice ones who treat me with respect. So these NT women you keep going on about are more than welcome to these NT men - they deserve each other!

NT women usually go for looks and status, forgetting that personality is the most important aspect in terms of making a relationship work.

I'm not usually competing with NT women to get the men I've had as partners - the field has been clear for me as they are usually outsider types like myself who the NT women would often reject anyway!

So I don't see what the problem is - the majority of NT men mainly find NT women attractive so they chase each other and aspie women mainly find the less NT/non-NT men more attractive than NT men as like tends to attract like.

Overtly NT men do not usually tend to go for aspie women and vice versa in my opinion.

You make it sound like the scheming evil aspie women are stealing the NT men from the NT women lol

This is not the case at all! I wouldn't even attempt to compete with the average NT woman for an NT man as it would be a waste of time and effort when there's plenty of non NT men who I prefer.

I don't think you live in the real world to be quite honest.

Here you go Bill:-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar ... amily.html

I don't think you could call this man an Alpha male type but he's bagged himself Charlize Theron
so stop your moaning!

That is true about alot of nt women going for looks and status,right.personality is very important when comes to relationship, right on. I never said that aspie women should never get men. I thought that having asperger would have made it alot harder to form a good relationship. not to say it's impossible but more harder. If alot of nt women struggle in relationship and nt women have better social skills I would just assume that asperger women should have a more harder time in relationship.
If you ladies have hard time making friends. Shouldn't you ladies also have a hard time getting a boyfriend or be able stay in a relationship?

We do have a hard time!

No one ever said it was easy to find a partner and maintain the relationship

A lot of NTs marry their childhood sweetheart and remain with them

I've had a number of boyfriends and after an initial long term relationship of 7 years, my relationships have tended to last an average of only a year or so.

I don't want to get married and live happily ever after though so it's not the end of the world to me to find a new partner if a relationship ends

I think aspie women are just more practical about finding relationships. Our partners often have to double up as our best or only friend so it becomes all the more important to find one and try and hold onto them.

where do you meet guys at?

Relationships with NT men tend to be incredibly boring for me. They like me because I guess I'm "hot" or whatever, but if you can't hold a decent *intellectual* conversation, you're out. I tend to date nerds. I like them, they find me strange but interesting, it works.

My current boyfriend has Asperger's as well, and I swear, we GOT each other from the moment we met. It was like meeting myself in male form.

I haven't had a lot of boyfriends, but at 25, I am now engaged.

Here's how dating went for me growing up. I went to a small school, in a rural community, from K-12. There were 39 people in my graduating class. In elementary school, I did what most people did and had "boyfriends" usually just a guy friend and they'd give me something cute that they made in class, or I'd give them candy, etc. Just cute, elementary-school type puppy love that every other kid I knew did.

In high school, it got a bit more complicated. And I think this is when you could see some problems with socialization come up. At 15, I had the first boyfriend who wanted a sexual relationship. I just could not do it, at all. Sex terrified me, and did not appeal to me. I couldn't handle it, and dropped him pretty quickly. The whole experience kind of traumatized me a bit, I think.

In 11th grade, I wanted to go to prom. So I asked a nice, younger guy whom I was friendly with. My motivation for choosing him? Nearly everyone at school, including me, thought he was probably gay. We "dated" until I graduated high school. My guess is that he really was gay, but he was a great boyfriend for me. The farthest we got was a quick peck on the lips. We held hands, we went on dates, but we were more like best friends. There was no question of sex, neither of us wanted it, and we actively joked about it.

After high school, I got a job at our local Wal-Mart. The town I live in is quite small, and it is the biggest store there. Lots of people shop there. I was asked by someone I worked with to date, and I accepted. He was a few years older, shy, and again, a virgin. We talked a bit about sex, but I just couldn't go through with it. I was still afraid. We dated for about 9 months, then I broke up with him to go to college.

College was hard for me socially, and I ended up quitting. I didn't make any friends, and was never asked on a date or anything. From the age of 19-23, I did not date at all. I was basically a total hermit those years.

After being unemployed for awhile, I finally got a job again, and at the same Wal-Mart. After about 4 months, a guy asked me out while I was working. I was thrilled to be dating again, and accepted. This guy was a total jerk, and really the only jerk that I have dated. He had been in trouble with the law, and he was just charismatic and manipulated. I got played, totally. We lasted about two months, but not before losing my virginity to him.

He got me to do it by making fun of me and accusing me of being gay. I finally gave in and had sex with him, once. I came home afterwards and was disgusted and embarrassed with myself. I knew I didn't love him. After that, I just stopped taking his calls and never spoke to him again.

A few months after that, another guy asked me out while I was at work. He was a friend of a co-worker. He was generally a nice guy, but our personalities and interests just weren't compatible. And sex became a problem, too. He kept pressuring me, and I just didn't want to do it again. I dumped him.

I started becoming close with a guy who worked my shift. He was very friendly and talked to me a lot. After knowing each other for 10 months through work, he asked me out. We've been dating since then, and we've been engaged now for almost two months. We are having sex, but it's still kind of an issue. I also nearly dumped him when we first started, because it was hard for me.

He was very kind about my issues and inexperience, and he really did try to help. Don't want to go into details here on this one.

Anyway, that post was long! But that's just dating experience as an Aspie female who has been formally diagnosed. Also, about my physical appearance, I'm 5'3 and I weigh 118 pounds. I guess I'm pretty average looking all around, but I clean up pretty nice when I do my hair and makeup.

nice trolling...

Only have to get it right with ONE person to have a relationship - and having a hard time finding that one person doesn't make it impossible by any stretch.


More generally, I don't think this is a troll - I think this is a woman, maybe about 30, with (a guess) some sort of anxiety/OCD issues, who has (possibly rightfully) built herself up to be something pretty special in her own mind. Unfortunately, she seems to think that somehow, because of 'her perks' she should have more relationship success with than others with different perks, doesn't have any appreciation for any perks she doesn't possess herself, and appears to have a sense of entitlement I find entirely unappealing. It just seems like she's got a cookie-cutter outlook on life, and I suspect it's got a lot to do with why she isn't having the kind of success she thinks she deserves. Obviously just speculation, I don't know him/her from Adam...


I am mostly done with this thread, but a word of advice to the OP, in case my speculation is anywhere near accurate: expand your horizons, and stop looking for something in particular - you might be amazed at what you find if you just open your eyes. If anyone had told me when I was younger that in a decade I'd be in a long term relationship with a FRAT BOY (man, I suppose) I'd have said they're crazier than I am. Turns out there's very little in this world that's all that black and white. I've found that grey can be frakking beautiful, actually.

so I been writing about this subject for a while now and I've been hearing alot of interesting answers.

Yes I got the sense it might be a woman as well - just the focus on aspie women being so lesser compared to the wonderfully attractive and socially successful, yet strangely single NT women

One word - humility!

LOL - billiscool's gender has switched from male to female in the last hour!

I have been writing

Holly cow! How did you come to this conclusion! So you do not think that a woman with aspergers can be good looking or successful?? So you are thinking that these men are just taking what ever is left and finding out it's not that bad??

Hmmm. I am thinking that you are looking at this with a very narrow thought. I think you are picking through the various responses finding what fits your thoughts and disregarding the rest.

I think you should consider all responses given and you may find that you will need to "change" your way of thinking about this. I know "change" can be a hard thing for an aspie to do, but it is a good thing to learn.

Ah dang you got me. For some reason everyone here thought I was female. I thought that was funny. So I said why don't I just say Im female then.
But of course you the know truth. Yep I am man.