Thoughts on compliments?

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When people say I am: a nice person, a good mother, a good wife, whatever - I feel like that is an evaluation of my performance. I did 'good'. I should win 1950's Woman of the Year. if I someone says I 'look nice' - I haven't dressed so he/she can say I look nice. That seems to be an aesthetic judgement based on what that person deems as acceptable. I actually feel angry.

I have been trying to think of what I do consider a compliment. I think when someone asks me to do a job because they know they can count on me and then just leave me to do it out of trust. That's a compliment.

Any thoughts?

I feel awkward when I get a compliment of any type...

I assume that compliments are well-meaning, and I am not embarassed about accepting compliments.

Yes, I agree with that.

I prefer compliments that relate to my achievements or abilities, as opposed to once that are directed at how I look or how I'm dressed, the shoes I'm wearing, because I think that's only surface.

These days I've kind of learned to be flattered when people compliment me on clothes, but in my heart I still feel indifferent. It doesn't make me angry, though. But perhaps it's different for men than it is for women, because of the expectations on aesthetics that are imposed on women. I think that's silly.

I used to feel about compliments like what everyone else is saying, because of a low self-esteem. Now, I think like this.

A school-based speech therapist once tried to get me to give out compliments, but I wasn't really accepting them at that point, either.

When I tell someone they look nice, I mean overall they are aesthetically pleasing. It is a positive experience to look at them and I appreciate anything positive in my day.

I can see why you'd feel that way about compliments - but I actually like them. They make me feel extremely flattered. Only if they're honest and not offensive in any way, though.

I give them out when I mean it. I am not sure what a fake compliment be like. I guess if something was horrible about you and someone said it was nice, I guess that be sarcasm and not a compliment. Sometimes I am not sure if someone is being sarcastic or not depending on the situation. If they were already being critical and then they give a compliment all of sudden, it may be sarcasm.

I just say "thanks" if they are good ones. The ones I have a hard time accepting are if I feel they are not true and the person was mistaking or if I feel it's nothing great. I end up correcting the person or pointing out my errors.

I am uncomfortable about compliments. I wouldn't say I feel angry as such as I realise that, more often than not, people are probably offering the compliment as a social nicety that they have learned is a normal part of interactions for most people. I think as an aspie you might be over-analysing something which is just a normal part of the arsenal of NT "social grease" (please note: that is NOT intended as an insult - I do it all the time too ). I think that these kind of compliments might be one of those things that we may never understand completely but that we just have to accept. Grit your teeth, thank them for the compliment (e.g. "Thanks, it's nice of you to say that") and move on. Sometimes I am even able to give the occasional one of these kind of compliments without coming across as weird (when I know someone is the kind of person who expects or likes them) - that's a skill I really only learned in my late 20s though.

I never know what to say when complimented

I used to hate giving or receiving compliments, it drew too much attention to me, really didn't know how to handle it. Once I so admired someone's work, I braved it, and told them how great I thought it was. The reply was a simple "Thanks". I felt relieved and happy he had accepted my compliment, and he was obviously pleased at receiving it. So to this day I just say "Thanks". No fuss, no over elaboration, if the person wants to follow it up they can, it's up to them not me.

Best compliments for me are about things I've worked extremely hard to achieve and I never thought anyone would notice or value.

Eg about being such a good caregiver (to kids, stray cats, my parents when they were alive), about surviving against all odds (this one no one has ever complimented me on yet).