Do you care about people's feelings caused by what you say?

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Callista
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07 Oct 2012, 8:39 pm

Yes, deeply. Once I understand I have hurt someone, I feel almost physically sick. Sometimes I am clueless about it, but once I understand... it hurts.


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btbnnyr
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07 Oct 2012, 9:00 pm

It seems to me like someone is always getting offended by something that someone else says, and NTs really eggspect others to be always thinking about their feelings, but I have difficulty doing that, since I don't think about other people's feelings during interactions, and I don't eggspect others to think about mine. It's like people have made fun of me before, but I either didn't notice, or if I did that they were disparaging me, it didn't hurt my feelings. It was just some stuff that some people said, and it's almost like it had nothing to do with me. There's like a disconnect between the words of others and my emotions that they would cause in others if they heard the same things. Maybe the problem is the words, I dunno. It's like the words don't link up with the feelings at all, eggsept that they do for the physical sensations like pain and itching and burning and such. So it's just the my words hurting other's feelings and others' words hurting my feelings that is not linked up.



outofplace
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08 Oct 2012, 12:56 am

I am a very sensitive and caring person so I am affected deeply when I truly hurt someone's feelings unintentionally. I usually try to make it right and explain myself better to try and fix the situation when it happens. However, if what I said was honest and the person did not like being told the honest truth that they were wrong, then I don't try to fix it. Sometimes, the truth needs to be told and people need to be confronted when what they do is evil. Sorry, but if someone is (for example) cheating on their wife and expects me to give them a high five for getting away with it, they are sadly mistaken. Even if they are my best friend, I will side with their wife against them because I will not condone evil.


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Last edited by outofplace on 08 Oct 2012, 4:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tiranasta
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08 Oct 2012, 1:43 am

No.



NorwichAspie
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08 Oct 2012, 4:38 am

No, i dont care if things i say upset others. Being an aspie no none has cared about upsetting me with things they say so why should i give a flying f**k about others?



Curiotical
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08 Oct 2012, 11:25 am

I do care about the feelings of other people but I often have difficulty when considering whether or not what I say will upset people. Because of this, I spend a lot of time apologising.


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anne1990
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08 Oct 2012, 11:45 am

Yes, i do care a lot. Even if I don't know the person well



SyphonFilter
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08 Oct 2012, 12:19 pm

Of course I care if I've hurt someone's feelings with my words. But I don't seem to be learning from my mistakes.



Moondust
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08 Oct 2012, 12:41 pm

I don't care at all if a person is too weak to hear truth spoken. I do pretend to care, though, because we live in the age of protecting others from reality and in this age, people care more about you not shattering their stupid illusions with spoken truths than about you not hurting them with actions.

Eg: Those many, many hypocrites who take great offense at you saying a few words they don't want to hear, while they dump their parents in an institution before time to sell the apt and take the money.


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Drebi
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08 Oct 2012, 1:08 pm

Honestly, I do care...a lot, however, logic and rationality often "beat" emotion in my case. If I know someone is wrong and I have the ability to correct them, I will do so, regardless of any potential distress it might cause them. My intention is merely to be honest and teach them, not to offend them or cause them any distress. I do make an attempt to get my point across in a polite/non-rude manner but I'm also not going to waste my time and effort beating around the bush/being "politically correct" when I could simply make my statement and move on. I just don't see the point in that. :hmph:



gretchyn
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08 Oct 2012, 1:27 pm

I very much care about how it affects the people I love (mainly my husband and child), but the extent of my caring for other individuals is limited to worrying about what they think of me. Although I hate to admit it, I care a lot about what others think of me, which makes life hard to bear since I'm so weird.



Stalk
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08 Oct 2012, 1:28 pm

I only care after I realise that I offended them.



kBillingsley
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08 Oct 2012, 1:38 pm

Some people need to lighten up and not be so offended. I make sure I mean what I say before I say it if it holds any potential of harming someone psychologically. No regrets: my policy for speaking. So the net effect is yes, I do care if what I say hurts someone's feelings, but not in the conventional way. Sometimes I want my words to sting, but I do this so the person spoken to will ruminate on them and consider their meaning. In these cases, I care enough about the person to hurt them (discipline them) when they need it, as opposed to sugar coating what I mean and allowing him/her to carry on business-as-usual in their pathological behavior. I guess I just do not mind getting my hands dirty when it comes to that.



CyclopsSummers
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08 Oct 2012, 1:49 pm

btbnnyr, would it be helpful to you to approach this from a rational angle rather than break your head over the emotional aspect of it? What I mean by this is, various aspects of social mores which I personally failed to understand (lacking the required intuition), I managed to make up for by observing the behaviour of other people and either mimicking it or anticipating the things they would say and do and then react to it accordingly.

It's like getting a second hand TV set w/ remote control, but not having the original manual. You press all the buttons to see what they do.


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Skylie
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08 Oct 2012, 2:13 pm

Drebi wrote:
Honestly, I do care...a lot, however, logic and rationality often "beat" emotion in my case. If I know someone is wrong and I have the ability to correct them, I will do so, regardless of any potential distress it might cause them. My intention is merely to be honest and teach them, not to offend them or cause them any distress. I do make an attempt to get my point across in a polite/non-rude manner but I'm also not going to waste my time and effort beating around the bush/being "politically correct" when I could simply make my statement and move on. I just don't see the point in that. :hmph:


kBillingsley wrote:
Some people need to lighten up and not be so offended. I make sure I mean what I say before I say it if it holds any potential of harming someone psychologically. No regrets: my policy for speaking. So the net effect is yes, I do care if what I say hurts someone's feelings, but not in the conventional way. Sometimes I want my words to sting, but I do this so the person spoken to will ruminate on them and consider their meaning. In these cases, I care enough about the person to hurt them (discipline them) when they need it, as opposed to sugar coating what I mean and allowing him/her to carry on business-as-usual in their pathological behavior. I guess I just do not mind getting my hands dirty when it comes to that.


Pretty much sums it up.



DerStadtschutz
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08 Oct 2012, 3:15 pm

Sometimes I care, and sometimes I don't. Most of the time I don't, but it all depends on the intent behind what I said in the first place. I'm one to call people out on their BS, and that usually involves people getting offended. In that case, I don't give a rat's ass. However, over the years, I've said many things that people took the wrong way, and it's caused me a great deal of grief because people are pissed at me, I don't even know why, and when I try to explain to them what I really meant, it just makes everything worse.

Everybody gets offended by SOMETHING, and EVERYTHING will be taken as offensive by SOMEONE, so most of the time I don't really care.