Advice about meltdowns.

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One-in-five outings ends in a meltdown for me. I'm so terrified that the next one I have will get me into serious trouble. I need to know how to end this. I hate my life.

stop caffeine, alcohol, chocolate

sleep better

do some REBT to stop your demanding that the world must be perfect

Have you identified your triggers?

I just wanted to say, before you read this, I don't expect you to do everything I list.

Having stress relievers will help. So, meditation or yoga. Relaxing music. Things like that. Have some things you can do while out in public, and others you can do while at home (or both!).

Perform some sort of ritual or routine before and after going out in public, even if it's just "Do I have [my keys/my cell phone/whatever]?".

Don't try to look non-autistic. You are autistic, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If you feel the urge to stim, try to do it in a way that isn't disruptive (so, for example, don't do something excessively noisy in a movie theater or library), but stim anyways.

If people stare, or otherwise give an indication that they know you're autistic, they're right. Don't take on their bigotry, and direct it towards yourself.

Take a comfort item with you.

Don't go out on days when you feel kind of cr***py, like if you're sick or something. Stay home. Relax. Get better. You'll probably feel better tomorrow.

Accept the fact that your world might have to be small.

As a last resort, take medication.

I'm already suicidal enough as it is.
sleep better

WTF?!

sorry just throwing out some ideas - at least my comment got some others started to help you

There is absolutely everything wrong with what you just said. My AS makes me a wretched human being. I have hurt the people that I love so many times, and I know that if I don't learn to act like I don't have it (at least most of the time) I will continue to hurt them many times more. Also, what's a stim?

Honestly, I'm just being me, finding fault with everything. Two men look out the same set of bars. One sees the dirt, the other, the stars.

Not knowing who you are in every way can make things worse sometimes... Accepting your AS is a good first step. If you deny who you are it can make the meltdowns and behaviours worse. It may sound warped, but it is true.

By pushing yourself to be someone you're not, makes you do things that push your boundaries too much - this can lead to a meltdown. If you are then annoyed at yourself for having this meltdown, it can make the meltdown even worse. If you are angry at yourself for being who you are, this anger may spill out onto those around you.

By accepting yourself, and knowing yourself, hopefully you will know what is best and not best for you. If you know your triggers, you will respect that and will (a) either avoid them or (b) work on ways to reduce them. You will feel more relaxed, and more in control.

We have a different set of limitations. We are not neurotypicals. Having AS doesn't make you a wretched human being. Not accepting, knowing, and loving yourself can bring out behaviours that aren't desirable though.

There are many positives to having AS also.

It's hard, but achievable, and worth it.

Female, I am going to answer your question on Stimming in a second. I have to get to why it is important.

Look at WHY going to occasions causes you to melt down. Only you can describe this for us but we can make a couple generalizations.

1. This is something new and non-familiar
2. It is a bit overwhelming
3. You feel like there is little or no escape once there
4. You can't get away from it when you feel it starting to build up

Stimming is basically making a repetitive movement or playing with something to give you a comfortable focus, distract you from the overwhelming parts, give you a mental escape, and just let you get away for a few minutes in your mind.

Try this. Get yourself something you can have with you at all times like a pen or lighter (in my case) and play with it when stressed and alone. Do this until you can begin to get unstressed in private by focusing on the item. Then get to where playing with it focuses you without you having to look at it ...the rest of the world will start to melt away... but your eyes are open. Now take that with you and use it as a little private escape in social situations when you can't physically escape and you can feel the pressure build.

So, your advice is to play with a lighter when I leave my wallet in a store, don't realize it's missing until I'm at the cash register, and when I go back to get it I find the store closed with my wallet locked inside. Sure, I'll play with a lighter, and a gasoline can. I have been getting bad advice from NT people all my life, and I thought talking to ASD people would break that pattern. So far it's 0 for 3.

Raven I find this approach v helpful unlearningasperger.blogspot.co.uk - to consciously make changes in brain function to reduce the inputs, the noise, the massive data pile up when we're in social trying to process it all.. i have found this has stopped my system crashes. have a read

In that case, you need to be more specific with your question. People are having to guess at advice because you have held back information. As Aspies, we are not good at understanding what others mean just from 2 lines of a very generalised situation.

If you have specific situations, you need to specify them.

Which is why I asked you a while back

"Have you identified your triggers?" To which I got no reply.

Do you want help? People are trying. Please help them to help you.

Kinda, my advice at that point is to play with something to distract you if you are about to meltdown. Perhaps a nerf ball would be better in this instance but the idea holds true.

However, perhaps a better idea is to identify the things that are large and might happen like that and do something to prevent them. Chain your wallet to your purse is something I have seen (I am male so I can put it to a belt but same concept).

I do have to say that perhaps you need to break the self destructive cycle. It may seem odd but I do care about you even though I don't know you. I am not directing things at you I am simply trying to identify your cues (as mentioned earlier you need to do that for us) and help you get through it all.

Please don't direct negatively. We have all been there and done that. If you want to get good advice try thinking of it in a good way. Perception is a large part of our reality and something we all need to keep in mind. (I forget this myself at times but am working on remembering it).

I don't deny who I am, I just hate it.

I can't push my boundaries too much, a thirty year old woman can't possibly SHOP by herself. What is this, Saudi Arabia?

I actualy used to listen to s#!t like this, until I realized that who I am is UNACCEPTABLE! I was mean, I was selfish and ungrateful, and I was a bully. When I stopped thinking other people were responsible for my crap, I became a better person.

We have a different set of limitations. We are not neurotypicals. Having AS doesn't make you a wretched human being. Not accepting, knowing, and loving yourself can bring out behaviours that aren't desirable though.

There are many positives to having AS also.

It's hard, but achievable, and worth it.[/quote]FEMALE!

Promising, but intimidating. Can someone for whom the computer is the "magic box" hope to make heads-or-tails of what this guy is saying?