How do you deal with liars?
21 Oct 2012, 11:39 pm
I consider it acceptable to lie to telephone pollsters and telephone salesman.
Call me up to get me to go look at a timeshare and you'll think you have a really easy victim. The truth is that I'll never show up to the presentation, but I'll make appointments every time and "feel really sorry" that I didn't make it.
Years ago, I received a telephone call from a woman asking to speak to Mrs Eric76. I told her that she couldn't speak to her. When the woman asked why, I told her that my wife was being punished and wasn't allowed to speak to anyone for another week. The reality is that I'm not and never have been married.
As for pollsters, tell them everything but the truth. The truth is too good for them.
22 Oct 2012, 10:32 am
If asked inappropiate questions you have to lie there is no way around it.
If someone asks you how's your credit score, etc, when it's none of their business you cannot simply say I choose not to answer.
If you were thinking speech is logical, and people had perfect memories and never had miscommunications than yes lieing would be wrong.
But in the adult world lies are necessary. For one you cannot refuse to answer a question, as someone having nothing to loose will always answer. It's basic game theory, quite logical when you think about it. There for a refusal to answer can logically be assumed to imply guilt.
That's ignoring the issue of communication, where logical explanations are too lengthy, and short lies are far more beneficial.
I.E. sorry for not going to your party, I had to work late.
It's much preferable, to I had an anxiety attack, had to have emergency counselling session, masturbated after my session to relieve stress, so I had to have a shower, and couldn't turn the clothes washer on while in the shower so I couldn't get dressed in time to make the bus, and didn't wanna walk over in the dark.
First off your whole basis is unbelievable in my opinion. If I tell you it is none of your business it is none of your business... Period... and it indicates I don't care what you think of my answer. At that point your interpretation of my answer doesn't matter... Not to mention for everyone you find who thinks it is a negative I will find you one that thinks it is a positive
I CAN and DO chose not to answer all the time... Who is anyone to remove my right to not share what I don't want to share. I am not a prisoner and don't have to bow down to other people. And I don't have to remove my integrity just to make them feel they got an answer... This is such bullspit harassment that happens every single day to good people everywhere by people trying to bully their way to the top.
And I have to say fact is fact. Period. That's why it is fact. Just because some people fail to observe or delude themselves does not make their memory fact.
And last don't confuse a lie with a not infinitely specific story. The correct way to approach the above scenario you put out is to say "I couldn't make it something important came up". If they want to know what it is and your don't want to share then you can say that... Once again I don't have to share everything just like you don't have to listen.
Sorry if this is emotional or charged but I am so tired of people using pressure to try and force good people to change into not good people.
Oodain
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Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,022
Location: in my own little tamarillo jungle,
22 Oct 2012, 11:05 am
If asked inappropiate questions you have to lie there is no way around it.
If someone asks you how's your credit score, etc, when it's none of their business you cannot simply say I choose not to answer.
If you were thinking speech is logical, and people had perfect memories and never had miscommunications than yes lieing would be wrong.
But in the adult world lies are necessary. For one you cannot refuse to answer a question, as someone having nothing to loose will always answer. It's basic game theory, quite logical when you think about it. There for a refusal to answer can logically be assumed to imply guilt.
That's ignoring the issue of communication, where logical explanations are too lengthy, and short lies are far more beneficial.
I.E. sorry for not going to your party, I had to work late.
It's much preferable, to I had an anxiety attack, had to have emergency counselling session, masturbated after my session to relieve stress, so I had to have a shower, and couldn't turn the clothes washer on while in the shower so I couldn't get dressed in time to make the bus, and didn't wanna walk over in the dark.
again there are some of the core issues you havent considered,
is it intrinsically bad when people lie to protect others, not emotionally but as in lie and limb?
if so how do you justify that?
First off your whole basis is unbelievable in my opinion. If I tell you it is none of your business it is none of your business... Period... and it indicates I don't care what you think of my answer. At that point your interpretation of my answer doesn't matter... Not to mention for everyone you find who thinks it is a negative I will find you one that thinks it is a positive
I CAN and DO chose not to answer all the time... Who is anyone to remove my right to not share what I don't want to share. I am not a prisoner and don't have to bow down to other people. And I don't have to remove my integrity just to make them feel they got an answer... This is such bullspit harassment that happens every single day to good people everywhere by people trying to bully their way to the top.
And I have to say fact is fact. Period. That's why it is fact. Just because some people fail to observe or delude themselves does not make their memory fact.
And last don't confuse a lie with a not infinitely specific story. The correct way to approach the above scenario you put out is to say "I couldn't make it something important came up". If they want to know what it is and your don't want to share then you can say that... Once again I don't have to share everything just like you don't have to listen.
Sorry if this is emotional or charged but I am so tired of people using pressure to try and force good people to change into not good people.
_________________
//through chaos comes complexity//
the scent of the tamarillo is pungent and powerfull,
woe be to the nose who nears it.
22 Oct 2012, 11:24 am
If asked inappropiate questions you have to lie there is no way around it.
If someone asks you how's your credit score, etc, when it's none of their business you cannot simply say I choose not to answer.
If you were thinking speech is logical, and people had perfect memories and never had miscommunications than yes lieing would be wrong.
But in the adult world lies are necessary. For one you cannot refuse to answer a question, as someone having nothing to loose will always answer. It's basic game theory, quite logical when you think about it. There for a refusal to answer can logically be assumed to imply guilt.
That's ignoring the issue of communication, where logical explanations are too lengthy, and short lies are far more beneficial.
I.E. sorry for not going to your party, I had to work late.
It's much preferable, to I had an anxiety attack, had to have emergency counselling session, masturbated after my session to relieve stress, so I had to have a shower, and couldn't turn the clothes washer on while in the shower so I couldn't get dressed in time to make the bus, and didn't wanna walk over in the dark.
First off your whole basis is unbelievable in my opinion. If I tell you it is none of your business it is none of your business... Period... and it indicates I don't care what you think of my answer. At that point your interpretation of my answer doesn't matter... Not to mention for everyone you find who thinks it is a negative I will find you one that thinks it is a positive
I CAN and DO chose not to answer all the time... Who is anyone to remove my right to not share what I don't want to share. I am not a prisoner and don't have to bow down to other people. And I don't have to remove my integrity just to make them feel they got an answer... This is such bullspit harassment that happens every single day to good people everywhere by people trying to bully their way to the top.
And I have to say fact is fact. Period. That's why it is fact. Just because some people fail to observe or delude themselves does not make their memory fact.
And last don't confuse a lie with a not infinitely specific story. The correct way to approach the above scenario you put out is to say "I couldn't make it something important came up". If they want to know what it is and your don't want to share then you can say that... Once again I don't have to share everything just like you don't have to listen.
Sorry if this is emotional or charged but I am so tired of people using pressure to try and force good people to change into not good people.
It's enough of a challenge having AS, I see no reason, to pick a fight with the whole world.
Irregardless, I'm gonna assume you have little real world experience.
22 Oct 2012, 12:35 pm
It's enough of a challenge having AS, I see no reason, to pick a fight with the whole world.
Irregardless, I'm gonna assume you have little real world experience.
And you would be incorrect. See you assume what is right for everyone and fail to consider that they are not like you... I don't have to lie if I don't want to and find it difficult to understand why you think everyone has to do that.
I am actually quite well versed in the workings of the world and quite successful in not only getting what I want out of it but also giving back in a positive way. Just because I don't see things like you do you have to resort to "assume(d)" attacks on me and my experience. It just shows how little you understand what truly makes the world work.
But whatever just keep "lying" to yourself that your way is the only way and everyone else has to bend to your will to be successful.
22 Oct 2012, 5:02 pm
It's enough of a challenge having AS, I see no reason, to pick a fight with the whole world.
Irregardless, I'm gonna assume you have little real world experience.
And you would be incorrect. See you assume what is right for everyone and fail to consider that they are not like you... I don't have to lie if I don't want to and find it difficult to understand why you think everyone has to do that.
I am actually quite well versed in the workings of the world and quite successful in not only getting what I want out of it but also giving back in a positive way. Just because I don't see things like you do you have to resort to "assume(d)" attacks on me and my experience. It just shows how little you understand what truly makes the world work.
But whatever just keep "lying" to yourself that your way is the only way and everyone else has to bend to your will to be successful.
Thank you! I completely agree. People don't have to lie, and the only reason it's supposedly "accepted" in society is because people that lie make it that way in order to fight to the top (as you put it). I can't stand people who think they have the right to lie about every little thing and don't take any regard whatsoever as to who those lies are affecting and how they effect other people.
I think it should also be noted, as I've noticed these are getting mixed up, that there is a difference between telling a lie, and being polite while avoiding a conversation that is none of the other's business.
For example:
Parents getting a divorce, so you can't make a dinner date because you are trying to keep them together by seeing reason.
Solution 1: Lie- "Oh, sorry. I can't make the dinner date because I'm stuck in traffic, let's reschedule."
Result: Date finds out there was no traffic, and doesn't trust your judgement because you lied.
Solution 2: Avoiding conversation that is none of the other's business while being polite- "Hey, listen, something really important has just come up, and I can't talk about it right now, but I have to reschedule."
Result: Date is probably a little worried because they're not sure if everything is ok or not, but will likely understand because of the sheer importance that you've placed on said happening in the call. Especially if you feel like discussing it in a more appropriate manner after the fact. Said date would have no reason to mistrust what you say because you didn't lie.
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22 Oct 2012, 5:35 pm
It depends on the lie and why they did it. If they lied because they were so embarrassed and thought I would think different of them, I understand. If they were afraid I'd get upset and flip out or worry, I understand. Mom didn't tell me she had cancer but I don't see it as a lie because I never asked her if she had it. She just didn't tell me because she thought I would worry and get all upset. Honestly I don't know how I would have reacted, maybe ask her questions like is she going to die, will she live, what cancer is it, can it be fixed. Then she told me right when she was going to get it fixed. I didn't go hysteric or cry or anything, I just asked questions. Then I moved on.
But with other lies I just trust them less. Sometimes I get very angry or frustrated and think why can't they just be honest. Sometimes I think people are lying to me and it makes me angry.
Then there are times where I don't care because I knew the truth anyway like the time my parents and I looked at this run down mansion the previous owner destroyed and there were these two people and they claimed they live there and when i brought up the story I read in the local paper about it, they said it was all BS. I go home and look it up again to show my parents the article and mom said "they lied." I felt pissed but I wouldn't have called them out on it due to confrontations. I don't like them. I just let it go thinking it wasn't that big of a deal because I already know the truth. I just wished I asked them more questions like how come the place is such a mess, why are they in the garage, why didn't they take care of it, and see what they say you know have fun with liars. Sometimes when I know someone is lying to me because their story sounds so out of it, I ask them questions just to see what they say and I make it fun for me because what a story they are telling. Sometimes I think the person is just crazy so I don't see it as them lying. If I think someone is BSing, I just ask them questions to see what their answer be.
I have a friend online and I suspect his stories are made up about things he tells me about but I don't get mad about it and they are great stories. But they could be true but it all sounds fishy that he has a bunch of friends that work for the government and that he sometimes does special projects for them or that he once worked for them or that when he was five years old and in the hospital, these strange men in suits who he had never seen came in on his floor and tried to take him and the nurses stopped them. He knows I don't believe him and it doesn't bother him. But yet other things I do believe he tells me about. If I have no proof they are lying, I don't do anything about it. It's just my feeling that is saying he is lying but logically I do not know.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
22 Oct 2012, 7:32 pm
That's pretty common, I've run into that more times than not.
And why is it that they think you are lying.... Deep down what is the cause?
It couldn't possibly be that they believe it is ok to lie and just the way the world works and then can't decipher a lie from the truth later. So you and everyone who can't make eye contact very well has to live with mistrust because of the people who actually do the lying...
Sorry soap box needs to be put away....
22 Oct 2012, 7:48 pm
That's pretty common, I've run into that more times than not.
And why is it that they think you are lying.... Deep down what is the cause?
It couldn't possibly be that they believe it is ok to lie and just the way the world works and then can't decipher a lie from the truth later. So you and everyone who can't make eye contact very well has to live with mistrust because of the people who actually do the lying...
Sorry soap box needs to be put away....
It's not really anything that I'm doing, it's just mainly a matter of who believes what is truth. People think I'm lying because they don't believe the things that I do, so to them, I'm a liar because they don't agree with my beliefs and I don't agree with theirs. Another one I run into, is when I decide not to tell people some of my beliefs because I know they believe differently, but later when I do share them to offer a different perspective, they call me a liar because I didn't tell them sooner. And this is just stuff that I run into online, I don't bother actually communicating in person anymore.
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Writer. Author.
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