Is this asperger's?

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, this is going to take awhile to explain. First of all, I having trouble distinguishing whether or not certain behaviors are asperger's. I mean sure I've read articles and know the traits but it isn't that black and white. Sometimes a situation will occur and it makes me wonder, Is this because of asperger's or is this something I can help with a little effort you know. I tend to always blame things I do on asperger's because it's the easiest thing to do. Everyone believes me and I'm not saying I'm lying I'm saying I don't know how to tell sometimes whether it really is and cannot be helped or can with great difficulty, or if it's my fault. I don't wanna blame this on AS if it's not that you know? In my opinion no one really knows enough about it to really say what's AS and what isn't. But what's hard about having AS is I have an "excuse" if you know what I mean. Like if NT's go and accidentally bump into someone without saying excuse me they get there buts whipped for being rude but if I do it I have a legit excuse, a social disorder. Same idea with a lot of things only certain things can be helped and certain are not my fault but it's easiest to blame AS. Before I go on Does anybody agree with me here. Feel what I'm saying, comments?

So anyways on to today, I am in a vocational high school program where I teach preschoolers with other teenage girls. Today was the first day of fairy tale week. Everyone else got yelled at by the teacher for not being prepared with their lesson. So after class while waiting for the bus a couple of my "co-workers" made a comment about why I didn't get yelled at when I did nothing today and how I need to interact with the preschoolers more. Now this is coming from the girl who had an incomplete game today. No mask to cover the eyes of the preschoolers to plant the lips on the frog prince. So I felt like saying well you know what, you can say whatever you want when you get that mask done for your frog game. I don't care what you say about me but my game was done when I taught game. I didn't have to run around looking for things to play with or cut out the cards for the game. So shut up. But I didn't say that because I wanted to act civil. But see I already got in big trouble last Wednesday for that but it wasn't my fault because there were only 4 of us and I was trying to help 3 kids at once with their art projects, I'm not good at multi tasking. Like I'd be fine helping one kid but 3 at once is too much to handle. Like I'd be helping one and then she'd say pay attention to Kaitlyn and I'd be like I am I'm working with Holly on her part now. I didn't say that of coarse, just thought it. And today, there were 14 of us for 7 preschoolers. It was way too chaotic. You know it's like on other days when the teacher will say I need to interact with the preschoolers so I move to them, then someone says I'm blocking the view of the aisle so then I move then I get told to interact more then I move to a preschooler then I'm in the way again when people are passing out stuff.(Papers, pencils, crayons etc.) But anyways that's a side note. Usually what happens is I never take the first kid who walks into preschool to freeplay. I always wait until one of the last because others seem to get at them first and I let them. It's like I don't want to impose so I let them have the child they want to play with first. Same reason that I don't like picking groups in classes. I prefer when the teacher says you, you, you, and you are a group. Whenever the teacher says we can pick out own groups I always wait shyly until the there's no one left and the teacher puts me in a group. Then it's awkward during circle like when someone isn't sitting the right way. I feel like I should tell them to sit the right way as it is my job but I get too shy. Then, at snack, I get told to interact with them more because I can never seem to think of new things to say. I mean it's always the same thing with me. Do you like your snack(Name)? Have you ever had it before? What was your favorite part in preschool today? The that's it. I'm fresh out of things to say so I just kneel there watching them eat them say at the end Can you clean up your spot? Let's throw away your trash. But that's it. And I get told to interact more. If you ask me though today I did a better job then usually at interacting. because snack was alphabet cheese its so it was a nice conversation starter. I helped a child find the letters in her name, and even make a 4 letter word. So what these girls were saying I have no idea. There's probably more stuff but those are highlights. I'm very good at planning activities and giving directions for them. I have so many brilliant ideas so I'm told but I just have trouble with child interactions. Plus it doesn't help when you try to tell the kids things and then others say it's okay I got him/her. I feel like telling people off saying look it's not my fault I have a social disorder, I have AS alright so cut me some slack. But I don't want to do it because I'm not sure if it really is AS or just an excuse if you know what I mean. Does it sound like my AS to you? Comments? Have any of you been in this situation?

Does it really matter if it's AS or not? For example, do you need some sort of accomodation (or even just extra understanding and/or patience!)?

If it matters because you need to confirm that it really isn't your fault, then I just have to say, only you can convince yourself of that at this point. I mean, you have a diagnosis that explains why you struggle more than the average person, that the extra struggles will never go away entirely, and they aren't your fault.

Didn't realize what I wrote would be taken as mean spirited . Sorry OP.

Last edited by Johnor on 23 Oct 2012, 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Accidental double post.

Last edited by Johnor on 23 Oct 2012, 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You just hit submit twice. Be careful with that if you're publicly pointing out someone's lack of netiquette.

@Johnor, not to gang up on anyone but people usually data-dump on their initial posts when they land here; try to envision it as a loved one gushing with news after a long absence.

Oh I wasn't trying to be mean. I am actually very impressed by it. Sorry OP if you took it as rude

i like this response. i do empathize with your situation. in my profession, i find myself wondering if i couldnt in fact cut the mustard all of the time if i would simply shape up. five years into my profession...it seems that practice doesnt make perfect.

my advice to you? there are different types of learning. shoot, there are different types of adults. if your lessons are brilliant (and you certainly sound confidant in that) then little ones of the future would miss your presence in the classroom if you decided you couldnt cut the mustard because you arent the child socialite.

however, if your lack of social skill upsets you, then it is perhaps a different story. what i mean to say is, if you're plugging along being a good teacher and all, yet you are having anxiety or fear or feeling meltdowny in regards to this deficit then that is a different story from the situation remaining the same and you not being troubled by it.

oh dear...does this make sense?

ugh :/
anyway, put some social skill tools in your toolbox or give yourself a break. you're still a human and you are clearly good enough.

finally, what is this 'jealousy' thing ive heard about. maybe your peers are jerks?

I love the responses so far. Can you please tell me directly though if it sounds like AS or what. The reason I want to know is I want to know if it's my fault or if it's something that is AS. Either way I definitely need to work on it but you know. And has anyone every been in my situation or similar situations? Can you guys relate to my thought in the first paragraph?

Ultimately, only you can tell if it's your fault, or not. Even if you go to an ethical mental health professional, let them get to know you, and ask that question, you aren't going to get a certain answer.

Since you're having to ask, though, I would think it's because of your disability. I'm just trying to tell you that I'm not sure, either.