self-hatred, guilt and aspergers

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Well usually I try to appreciate being an aspie. And I certainly never want to use it as an excuse. But I am having a terrible day.

Feeling depressed. At first I thought it was the fault of the person I am with, but I guess I realized that things are awful all because of me. Sad because I'll say insensitive things that seem normal to me and then they'll get all mad at me over it. Also because I've been trying all week not to have a giant meltdown and i really had a mini one at the worst possible time, right when they were upset and needed comfort. I feel so alone sometimes, when i need a place to stay for a night and realize that i only have one friend beside the person i am with, or when i try to stop myself from letting my feelings out and fail. I get so stressed and nervous and try so hard to make everything good for them, but it feels like no matter how much love i have, i undercut it with meltdowns, sensory issues, inappropriate comments, and stuff like that. I can't express myself fully talking no matter how hard i try. The words get tangled and i nd up saying things i don't mean. I am starting to get one of those all encompassing bouts of aspie depression and i don't wanna use aspergers as an excuse, but if it isn't, then i must just be a terrible insensitive mean human being.

Any advice or solidarity is appreciated.

Solidarity - I've had a lot of this this fall.

Things probably are not awful "all because of you." That sounds like depression talking. And there is a difference between excuses and explanations - it is okay to say what you are experiencing without feeling like you are making excuses. You are not undercutting your love, you are loving and doing the best you can in spite of all of these real things that you have to deal with - and if you feel beaten down and depressed at times, it's no wonder. Maybe you are able to find a way to reduce some stress so you can regain some equilibrium, maybe you just have to ride it out a bit, but beating up on yourself won't help anyone. There is nothing in your post that would convince anyone that you are a "terrible insensitive mean human being". In fact, you sound quite the opposite and you are very, very, very sensitive, which you gotta know. You are allowed to have a terrible day. Is there anything you can think of to take care of yourself right now? A peaceful activity for a time out?