a question for those hate being told to do something

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starfox64
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17 Nov 2012, 10:56 pm

When someone tells you to change something of yourself or try to change it themselves, Do you get angry and resists doing it?

example- people tell me i need to work out and it makes me mad and gives me more reasons not to workout. before when i excercised, i did it because i wanted to and people encouraged me to do it. Now people are telling me to do it without encouragement and it pisses me off.



gretchyn
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17 Nov 2012, 11:02 pm

I also hate being told what to do. When someone tells me what to do, I am resistant--even if it's something I want to do. :?



starfox64
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18 Nov 2012, 12:01 am

me too. i totally understand



Logicalmom
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18 Nov 2012, 1:57 am

yup



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18 Nov 2012, 2:57 am

It depends on what it is.


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18 Nov 2012, 10:12 am

Quote:
When someone tells you to change something of yourself or try to change it themselves, Do you get angry and resists doing it?


This is one of the defining traits of my particular subtype of autism, Newson Syndrome.



Stalk
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18 Nov 2012, 12:10 pm

gretchyn wrote:
I also hate being told what to do. When someone tells me what to do, I am resistant--even if it's something I want to do. :?

totally



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18 Nov 2012, 5:59 pm

I hate feeling controlled and have a contrary streak a mile wide.
The best way to prevent me from doing something, even if I wanted to do it in the first place, is to order me to do it, because dammit, I'm not going to do that just because you think you're the boss of me!
On the other hand, the best way to get me to be determined to do something is to tell me you don't think I'm capable of it. I will go and prove you wrong even if I've spent the past month bitching about how hard it is.


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kat333
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18 Nov 2012, 7:42 pm

Stalk wrote:
gretchyn wrote:
I also hate being told what to do. When someone tells me what to do, I am resistant--even if it's something I want to do. :?

totally

This is me too. I HATE anyone thinking they have any kind of authority over me and as soon as someone tells me to do something that will guarantee it's not going to get done.



Thewrongone
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18 Nov 2012, 8:04 pm

I get angry and almost never do it.. I hate when some tries to tell me what to do. I like to plan my time myself, i don't want other peoples influence about what i will do and when i will do it.



Brielle
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18 Nov 2012, 8:23 pm

kat333 wrote:
Stalk wrote:
gretchyn wrote:
I also hate being told what to do. When someone tells me what to do, I am resistant--even if it's something I want to do. :?

totally

This is me too. I HATE anyone thinking they have any kind of authority over me and as soon as someone tells me to do something that will guarantee it's not going to get done.
ugh, yes. It's as if they're trying to control my routine, or invade my free time.


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JRR
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18 Nov 2012, 8:28 pm

starfox64 wrote:
When someone tells you to change something of yourself or try to change it themselves, Do you get angry and resists doing it?

example- people tell me i need to work out and it makes me mad and gives me more reasons not to workout. before when i excercised, i did it because i wanted to and people encouraged me to do it. Now people are telling me to do it without encouragement and it pisses me off.


Yes, I hate it, but I've also realized that in ALL people, telling others to do things is the worst way to get them to do it. You might want to talk once about it, but LEADING BY EXAMPLE and showing people how you make it fun, is really the only way to accomplish anything.

On a side note, if you're going to rely on encouragement to exercise, good luck. You can only rely on yourself. People will trail off and it'll be left in your hands. Remind yourself how much better you feel mentally and drag yourself kicking and screaming there. Also, what helps the most in keeping things up is to make it be part of your routine, which we're awesome with! I like doing it right after work, so I can't go home without getting it done. That way it's just part of my daily life, like eating breakfast or taking the trash out.



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18 Nov 2012, 8:40 pm

This is certainly me. I think the whole issues with authority thing is a typical aspie trait as is needing to know the reasons for doing something rather than just being told to. I was speaking with my mum tonight and she mentioned how, as a toddler, telling me not to do something was pertty fruitless and I see it in many parts of my life now also.


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18 Nov 2012, 9:02 pm

I resist when people demand instead of ask. I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do, and I'm aware of this. I get uber stressed when things are just ordered of me without me understanding or knowing the reason. When people are rigid with me, I am more likely to be rigid and uncooperative with them.


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TemporalSeries
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20 Nov 2012, 11:12 am

About 50% of the time, when someone tells me what to do, I see the good sense in their request and go ahead and do what they want. The other 50% of the time, I feel put upon, manipulated and angry, and I resist or refuse.

I'm more likely to agree to their demand if they have calmly made a polite statement. Requesting rather than demanding always works better. I'm also more likely to assent if in a work situation than at home.

The interesting thing for me is that the thing that most greatly determines if I feel the demand is reasonable or not lies in my attitude at the time. If I feel calm, safe, confident then someone can demand something and I'll handle it. If I'm anxious, fearful, ill-at-ease then I'll probably take offense. This variability in my response has caused a lot of problems with my wife, who also has AS and who often doesn't know what kind of response she'll receive. With her, I even sometimes take requests as veiled demands and get angry in response.



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20 Nov 2012, 11:22 am

I have a problem with someone making emotional changes to a well thought out project.

I find a groove, work with some inertia.

If I keep listening to people like this, they have me running circles, performing fool's errands.

There is no scheme or strategy.

All they know, when I give them this kind of attention, is they are king of the hill, delegator.