Stupid social "games/rules"

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I just learned to play the game, give them what they want whether you agree with it or not. Then you get the job. I see interviews as a blagging session and I become an actor. I have actually got some great jobs that way. Just play the role and it is fine. It's not up to us that the rules are stupid - once we work out what the rules are we can apply them. In the end I just thought "sod them all" and decided to work for myself from home. Nice job, enough to live on, and no people to annoy me.

I find it all stupid but have learned to play along.. most of the time.
The whole world is full of contradictions and hypocrisy, it drives me insane. It seems the best liars get the best jobs, and people want to read and hear constantly about "celebrities", who they all agree aren't worth talking or hearing about. We're all supposed to be nice to people we don't like, and not let on we don't like them, unless of course they're not there. And apparently we're supposed to act like the driving force behind almost everything we do in the modern world isn't money and greed, when we secretly all know it is.
It always seems to me like the world revolves around who's the best liar. I really don't get it, but I accept it like I would want them to accept my "quirks" and try to avoid as much of it as possible!

This is your opinion. This comes from your own experiences and perceptions. There are times these rules may seem incredibly stupid to me but I keep in mind this. There are things that are relative. Other people have different thoughts, experiences, biases, points, of view, and predjudices. This applies to other aspies as well. This means, other people may not be thinking like you including other aspies.

To a lot of people at least in America this would come across as arrogance and being a know it all. I have had to try to humble myself and it was painful at first but I think the answers I have received have been worth it. If you want to work for an employer you will have to be willing to have an open mind. It is difficult for me as well. I am working on trying to obtain work myself.



I can answer this. The boss, interviewer, or selecting official wants to know what you will do for his or her company? What benefits do you and what skills you have bring to the company you're trying to obtain a job in? When they ask you why do they want to work here they are asking it from the context and subtext what benefits do you bring to them. They are not asking what it will do for you. They do not care about what it will do for you.

They are not going by pure logic either. They want to see a bit of energy or passion when you answer them. They want you to have a bit of umph when you answer them to show them you desire to use your skills to benefit them. They do this because of turnover rates of employees.

This is a foreign concept for me as well and difficult to even fathom. My father, my cousin and I have been talking about stuff like this



Here is the thing. How do you know what their percptions are? Maybe they're having to deal with flack from their bosses. Some of the decisions may be stupid to you but you don't know what they're having to deal with. Depending upon who you are working for your company may have to follow certain regulations and laws which are stupid. If one is working for the government the employees have to follow the laws set forth by congress like the Davis-Bacon Act. It doesn't matter how stupid the law is. Your boss may have to follow dictates which he considers stupid and he has to implement things which are stupid because the higher ups require it.

Davis Bacon Act: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davis%E2%80%93Bacon_Act



Well, stupid is a relative term. If they were stupid how did they get to the top?

I've said this before. More than once. Why doesn't it ever work?!

Well, stupid is a relative term. If they were stupid how did they get to the top?[/quote]

They were masters of the social game. There are stupid sociopaths out there - they don't become CEO's, just managers of convenient stores and such.

I have a question: When someone says something wrong, and you have to correct them, how are you supposed to do it without offending them? I often need to correct people, but I don't know how to do it without offending them.

"Why do you want to work at _____?"
thoughts: "Because you CALLED me back???! !!"
speech: *recites job interview speech I found online*

The actual explanation for cultural rules and rituals are a subject of some controversy. I find the evolutionary psychology view most compelling, but I don't think there's sufficient evidence to justify categorical support for any one particular theory at this point in time.

However, the rituals are not "stupid" in the sense that they reward stupidity; the dynamics that determine social outcomes are complex, and the most successful people have a great degree of skill in manipulating these dynamics. Some of these people can be superficial, but they are good at knowing which social rituals to apply at which times, and have mastered the execution of these rituals.

I don't think it's surprising that posturing and behavioral displays determine status in human beings; posturing and behavioral displays determine status in most primate species.

btbnnyr, my father slipped something to me inadvertently. My father commended me on how brave I was to seek clarification when I don't understand something in a conversation. I was flabbergasted and shocked. I asked "you mean most people don't seek clarification?" After that I asked, "how do people make sure they convey and receive accurate information?" My father says "a lot of people do not." In my father's mind he doesn't see how I could've missed this.

By what my father told me a lot of people do not care about accurate information to the extent that we do. This means, some people can have a whole conversation which most of its content is inaccurate. What some people do is they pretend to understand each other. There is a whole lot of pretending that is going on. My hypothesis is this. I believe they care more about maintaining the social relationship in some instances then passing accurate information.

It is about assaging other people's feelings and keeping connected with this. It is more about the emotional interconnectedness then about seeking truth and accuracy. This is at least in some cases.

What if I am working on something with someone, and the corrections need to be made for the project? It seems like some people are OK with being corrected, but some people are not, and I don't know how to deal with those who are not. It seems like whatever correction I make means that I am offending them.

While I've never really been in a job interview yet (Only 17) hypothetically a plausible solution would just be to stand out as much as possible. Act as enthusiastic about the job as you can, and try and get as much in as you can before you get interrupted. Most importantly, include the fact that you have autism into this, but include it in a positive light "I don't give a damn if I have it - the fact that I have it actually IMPROVES my work effort as opposed to the "Normal" people in "Insert profession here"".

the trick to being autistic is to embody your qualities, I don't mean arbitrary little flashy things like buttons and pins or "deep spiritual things"

I mean the medium ground, your reputation and so on, a good work folder is in order too if you can get one

the social rules are there because the person is assessing whether or not you'd make a good fit into the group of theirs usually

some people are assessing it to see if you can make a good addition to performance

most seem to be doing it to see if you can up their own ego, while maintaining performance...

new ideas will be threatening to them especially if they didn't come up with them, because they see no egotistical benefit in performing for others unless paid to do so, or at least from what I've seen


I learned to fit in a bit better in work places, but not by much, it took constant effort to try to ignore this fact and still operate as a reasonable level, the truth is it's esponiage and politics all the way through, but you're supposed to keep a straight face and pretend nothing happened

there's certain guides that can help identify basic driving strategies and tactics, I suggest robert greene, he suffered from this too

The job interview thing is a funny one.

Everyone lies a bit in a job interview and the employer knows and expects this. They try to figure out the truth as best they can. They expect a parade of 'actors' coming through the office for the interviews.

Some of the lie just allows people to save face I guess. What would it sound like if they said "we want to buy all of your time for the forseeable future and all we want to pay is $x and you better be excited about it , love our culture, worship our customers and do exactly as we say even when we are being complete idiots etc etc. put up with all of our abuse and if you get a sore back or some injuries you're out on your ass'

hence the lie!

In this case, I have no answer for you because I would have to observe the situation to obtain the relevant data.

Then what are you suppose to say?

I had a job interview at Dunkin Donuts and they were hiring 4 people, 5 people showed up, and I didn't get the job. I told them my reason was "I need a job and me and my mom think this will be a good experience for me". During the interview was the best social skills I have ever had in my opinion.
I've done a mock interview at school and looked up online about job interviews before I went, but I still don't understand. I wouldn't be able to lie about anything or doing any of the "phony" things that people do. I struggled with the hand shakes. I forced myself to give the second manager one at the end, the first manager did it first to me at the end, so I turned to the 2nd one and did it.

I think most people struggle a bit with interviews. If you find it hard or don't know what to do can you find someone to practice with? Preferably an adult who can give some feedback and advice. Don't be afraid to ask for help - you would be amazed at how much people like to help out - it's some kind of an inbuilt thing that makes them feel good - not everybody but lots of people.

Saying that you need the job for some extra cash probably wont work even if it's true.

good luck!