I don't know if this is autism/AS related but I can't just start cleaning tasks and I get tired very quickly. It may be ADHD related.
Actually, there a lot of things about me that don't relate to autism that people don't get. I don't eat rich foods or drink anything heavier than beer for fear of seizures. I have to eat once every 3 hours so I don't get a blood sugar crash. It's really serious stuff too. I panic, get dizzy and even pass out.
The sensory issues is a big one. That's my worst symptom ever. The taking things at face value or needing step by step directions. Only a few people get the fact that any change to my routine makes me crawl under my bed and lay in the foetal position (not actually - I just hate it so).
That when I don't talk I'm not being rude, I just can't think of anything to say. Also, I don't trust strangers at first and don't like people coming right up to me. It still confuses me that NT's will go right up and talk to a stranger as though they've known them for years, and already feel comfortable enough to tease them.
No one gets my humour too or the references I make. No wonder takes my great ideas seriously.
There are probably heaps of things. I think the most important one is they don't understand why I call myself autistic. I basically have to write a whole essay on why I do. Well a couple of paragraphs in a blog post at least.
Here's an excerpt:
Quote:
I don’t often label myself autistic, not like before. As an advocate it’s hard not to but there’s another reason. I can actually forget that I am. Autistic symptoms will be at their worse in an unpredictable environment and in a social setting. My usual environment is strictly structured. It involves to-do lists, scheduled meals and covering my ears and screaming ‘CHANGE BAD!’ when someone wants me to go out without preparing. The family members I live with are actually very aware of this and do what they can to help, so I only turn into a deer in the headlights for a few minutes. Oh yes, and music constantly playing. When I go out it’s dark shades, charged iPod and maybe a hat.
When I leave this environment I’m thrown into chaos. Strangers are talking to me. Masses of people are standing around. Cars are coming from every direction, and even stationary objects start to zip and zoom around the place.
I have to prepare and I need to bring along ‘sensory supports.’ If I don’t I will not be able to survive in the environment. I have what is known as sensory overload which is basically like being high on LSD, and experiencing both depersonalisation and derealisation at once. Just Google those terms. And oh, panic attacks. If I haven’t got my sensory supports I have to self-stimulate which often involves moving one of my limbs in a repetitive motion, staring at some highly detailed object, feeling textures, imagining Phil Ochs is playing beside me or just becoming an uncontrollable level of hyperactive and impulsive. I also got to watch my blood sugar level. I have hypoglycaemia so if you see me stumbling around zombie-like, well you know what’s happening.
I have to always prepare for my symptoms after going so long in an environment structured just for me, by me and where unsuspected guests can just be blocked out by turning the volume up on my iTunes or a video game.
Basically I'm saying it helps to keep the autism in mind so I can prepare for those times when my symptoms are at their worse, and being so different from most people I know can make me feel lonely, as long I know why I'm different I'm fine. NT's don't understand this.
15 Dec 2012, 11:38 pm
