How Meltdowns work (for me)

Post Reply New Topic

I am a mix of both holding in and bursting out. Bursting out results from enduring or holding something in for a long time. I don't burst out all that much but sometimes I can't stop myself.

I can't stop emotions from spilling out of me in public which is embarrassing because I start crying when I am extremely angry with/about someone/something.

Putting it into different zones is a really great way to discern your moods and emotions, it seems like a great way to identity how you are feeling at a select moment so you can respond to it with a set coping strategy.

I also tend to avoid responsibility because I feel I can't take as much of it as other people can. I feel a bit guilty about it (as in the recent "feel guilty" thread). Sometimes I feel lazy, uninterested in doing certain things (e.g. cleaning, socializing). I can't pick up social information as easily as others can, both verbal and non-verbal. Personal details, data, relations, anything that defines a given person. When I'm having a meaningful conversation that concerns not only my special interests, I try to figure how it relates to me. I try to analyze and relate to all what's being said. It may seem effortless on my part from the outside, but it's hard work to my mind. After having a 4 hour one-to-one conversation Saturday I was so exhausted I've spent almost half the next day in bed. I didn't feel like doing anything. I guess this state is closer to what is called a 'shutdown'.

When I'm stressed out I'm much more prone to have a meltdown. They usually take the form of emotional outburst, but I know what crying is, too (I'm a 38 yo male). Stress accumulates from an unresolved problem, usually a persistent sensory overload or unresolved and/or suppressed conflicts, or difficult tasks with uncertain outcome that drive anxiety (an exam, a change, even when I initiate it). A seemingly unimportant trigger would set off the outburst/crying, something that is hurtful, unfair, or against the rules that can be an arbitrary own rule or a regular one.

I realized only recently that I sometimes do things that I like to do, that are part of my routine and preferred activities, that can be held responsible for my building stress. It's so hard to recognize and accept, and I feel so stupid eventually not being able to. For example, I think I'd avoid cycling in the city from now on, because it makes me feel so tensed and stressed and a whole lot of my meltdowns seems to stem from it. I either reduce it or make myself a nervous wreck. It's as simple as that.

I don't know how those who have an own family can manage without too much stress, honestly.

Thank you, Guilted_Lady, for posting this.

I don't experience the type of meltdowns that the rest of society might deem "temper tantrums," but I can totally understand them, and even more so now that I've read this. I have a friend whose AS daughter does this, though, so I'm going to forward your blog link to him for him to read. He really doesn't understand her when she screams, "I can only do one thing at a time!" at him. It really floors him that telling his daughter to not forget to brush her teeth, lay out her clothes for school tomorrow, and take out the trash causes her to go into fits. I understood where she was coming from, but I didn't have a way of properly explaining it to him so that he could understand. I hope him reading this will help.

I really appreciate the honesty in this thread. I was wondering if anyone can offer suggestions about what a parent should/could do when their child is having a meltdown?

My 6 year old son has angry meltdowns that involve kicking, hitting, spitting, swearing, threatening ("I'm going to kick your legs off" for instance) and crying.

I feel he is so completely unreachable in these moments. Should I even try?

Wow, thank you so much for posting this!! I just figured out that I probably have AS, and I'm just starting to understand what I've been doing all of these years. My melt-downs aren't exactly like yours but you sure did help to confirm that what I am experiencing is, in fact, a melt-down. Really appreciate this!

Interesting and well-versed explanation.
I wish my meltdowns where often something that is part of incremental exposure. I can have meltdowns when stress accumulates or sensory imput increases but I also have them, more often, due to sudden stressful events or stimuli.
For example, the sound of squeaky wheels when a friend was wheeling luggage in Wal-Mart sent me into an attack of tears that I could not control for several minutes.
Talking on the phone can cause this, too as can intense conversations.
When people demand explanations of me, I panic, too.
Example:
“Why did you do it that way?”
“Because that is how it’s done”
“But there are other ways; a choice is not a requirement”
<insert panic> umm umm . . <insert body language change, insert loss of eye contact> Uhmm it’s the right way for me <add waspishness>.

I usually like to retreat to my room until I calm down. The last thing I wan't to do is be reasoned with or talk to someone.

My meltdowns definitely have stages as well but they happen for a different reason most of the time. I'm very organized and everything has a place where I know where it is. If I go to that place and the object isn't there stage number one starts. This stage comprises of me starting to hyperventilate and my heart will start racing. The second stage is basically the same , but this stage is when I'm so upset and hyperventilating so much I start losing track of my surroundings and will literally start walking in circles. At this point though there is still a possibility of me coming out of it and either finding a way to bring myself back to rationality or whatever started it is mitigated and then it ends as quickly as the first phase started. However, phase number three is full blown meltdown for me and unless the situation is mitigated there is no other way of coming out of that. A full blown meltdown for me is just incessant screaming and contrary to my parents' beliefs I no longer have control. Does anyone else have meltdowns like this?

If I'm overloaded with social contact I'll go home and sleep. I don't want to talk to anyone and crash to sleep.

Since I rationalise everything, I used to put it down to 'fighting the flu again'. Obviously this wasn't a great explanation in retrospect because it was far too frequent. After diagnosis I knew it was too much social activity.

Wow, excellent post! Describes a lot of what I go through! Thanks for posting this! I think of it as if I'm pulling energy or tolerance from a well or pool. Here's how I described it in another thread:

"I don't know if anyone else is like this (and please tell me if you are or aren't), but it feels like I have a limited amount of energy to expend on or tolerance for the busy world around me as if it's in a well that I'm drawing from. Once it gets close to being empty, the more I don't feel like talking and I develop a headache and an upset stomach. If I overdraw from that well, which basically means I'm running on empty, then I feel like I need to get out NOW and run for the nearest spot that's quiet and alone, usually a restroom, so I can recuperate at least enough to get home. For me, various factors can affect how much is being drawn from the well: socializing, being in large groups, stressful situations, loud and chaotic places, etc.

The kicker is that the amount that's drawn always varies from day to day and I can never accurately predict how much a certain activity or event will take. I can tell when I'm running close to empty, but that's it. And usually it hits me all of a sudden right before I'm about to run on empty, rather than gradually, though a few times I was able to see it coming during the activity or event."

I forgot to add that sleep seems to be the only thing that can really cause me to truly recuperate. Wearing noise-cancelling headphones, self-hypnosis/meditation, and just sitting somewhere comfortable with my Slanket can help me recuperate for a short amount of time but it's as if what I'm drawing from the pool isn't as strong as it was before and it depletes more quickly. (Kind of like a battery where if you don't charge it to 100% all the time, the complete charge doesn't last as long as it did when you first got it and isn't as effective.)

I think I used to have more outburst-like meltdowns when I was in middle and high school. My parents thought I was holding in everything I felt during school and since I couldn't express it there, I waited until I got home and took it out on them (unknowingly, but still). I didn't think that was true but they might have been onto something. I probably just got overloaded every day from being at school for 8 hours in a row and by the time I got home, I was past my breaking point. Now I don't have as many, probably because I've learned more about what I need to do to avoid becoming overstimulated, even before I realized I had AS. Sorry for the long response but this post gives me a lot to think about...

Just thought of one more thing... When I was in middle school, I would scream at my parents and then not remember what I said once I calmed down. Does or did this happen to anyone else? My parents never understood why I couldn't remember what I said and it really freaked me out at the time. Thought I was going crazy.

Wow... the meltdown part sounds exactly like me... wow. And here I was thinking that I didn't have them. XD