very sensitive senses

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before i post, I just want to say thank you to all the people on here who give them input. I'm a young wife of an AS self diagnosed guy, and I am doing everything I can to try to understand and support him. Your thoughts help me so much.

my question is... does everyone have extremely sensitive senses? My husband is EXTREMELY sensitive to smell. He had a meltdown the other night because I browned onions and peppers in the house (with the vent on, plus two outside doors open) He said it burned his nose greatly and I'm not allowed to cook onions or oil or spices in the house anymore he says it gives him an instant headache. I'm from south louisiana.... pretty much everything I cook with consists of one of those things.. he's bought me an outside burner to cook outside, it's just a pain. I believe everything he's saying, I'm just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

How do you try to be normal? I cant even spray my perfume in the car... or he will (almost) die.

I feel so bad for my poor guy. i wish he didnt have to deal with things that normal people like I dont have to worry about. But at the same time cant help but to complain that I can't do certain things. i love to cook

selfish i know.v just being honest. he sometimes wonders if we would do a lot better if we both had AS.

maybe an upgrade to your stove vent to a restaurant grade one would stop cooking smells they are also tend to be quiet. you could also try air purifiers

I am hypersensitive to smell, sound, and touch. An unexpected touch can make me jump, a slight smell can drive me crazy, and I hear everything around me without the ability to filter anything out. I can become easily overloaded by these and yes, I have had meltdowns due to a slight touch, smell or a sound.

As for trying to be normal, I don't. Typically, I just remove myself from such things as best I can. I leave lots of space between myself and others so I am not accidentally bumped into or touched unexpectedly, I carry a set of noise-cancelling headphones and an MP3 player with me so I can drown out any sounds when I need to, but smells are tough... Even air fresheners have an awful smell to them. There are some "odor neutralizers" out there that eventually work, (possibly by decreasing ones' ability to smell anything at all?) but the initial assault to the senses can overwhelm as well.

I have the same severe sensitivities as your husband. The feelings he describes are ones of torture. You may think he is insensitive to you feeling inconvienced by not being able to cook or wear perfume, but you literally *can't* understand what he goes thru. And you should be greatful that you don't have to go thru that. It's bad enough for people like us w/o having those around us telling us that we are making it up, (like my family does) or that we are exaggerating or being selfish.

You're right, asking someone to not do something that causes us terrible pain is selfish.

I am medium-sensitive to smell (my mother, who is almost certainly on the spectrum, is even more sensitive than me).

A former girlfriend had her favorite perfume and it gave her kind of a signature scent. I liked it a lot, but if she had sprayed the perfume in the car it probably would have been too much.

Some of us have overly-sensitive senses. Some of us have under-sensitive senses. Some of us have a combination of both.

It's easier, in this situation, to adjust your cooking to be more bland, or to cook outside, than for him to adjust with living with headaches and other symptoms of sensory overload. You're essentially asking him to live in physical pain, potentially for the rest of his life. Please adjust.

I have - as far as I can tell - about the same revulsion to the smell of a skunk or raw sewage as anyone else. Perfume is worse than that, fragrance, dryer sheets... And onions are even worse - garlic worst of all. I've felt like the poor dogs you see trying to paw their noses off (I don't find this funny, by the way, because I have at least some idea what they're feeling). Some smells are manageable, and some are not. At least in my case, the smells I mentioned are some of the worst tortures imaginable.

It might be relevant here to point out that the olfactory sense is the only one with a direct line to the brain, no "interpreter" in the middle. At least, that's what I've read, and I believe it. I also have ocular albinism, which means my eyes are extremely light sensitive. It feels like an XActo knife being driven into my eyeball if you shine a bright light in my eyes. But I'd rather have you shine a huge, mega flashlight into my eyes than spray perfume or cook onions near me. (And, yes, instant headache.)

Some things you will have to work on together to get him used to it, it isn't on that you aren't allowed to cook in your own house, and it sounds like he MUST have tolerated this before (I know you said young wife but surely this isn't the first time since you met that you cooked?) so he can do so again. You have done everything within reason to reduce the smell - but he has to do his bit too. Don't make excuses for him - AS is *not* an excuse for control freakery and abusive behaviour.*

Perhaps you could encourage him to go for a walk while you are cooking, and give the room a really thorough airing afterwards (Also, close all doors from your kitchen while cooking so the smell doesn't spread)

However, things like spraying perfume in enclosed spaces is something that can be easily avoided and IMHO you should do so.

* What you have described is not abusive... yet. But I know first hand from my ex (no AS, just a nasty personality) that behaviour like this can soon become an excuse for abusive behaviour and violent temper tantrums.

i am very sensitive to sound, and quite sensitive to certain lights (flashing especially). i actually think i am over-sensitive when it comes to smell but not having a frame of reference i can't really tell !

i think it's unlikely that it was the first time your husband had to be in a house when the same thing was cooked in that same way. perhaps that day he was just particularly sensitive, and i don't think it necessarily means you can never cook that again. besides, there's different ways to cook the same thing - i.e. maybe if you do it slowly or something it will let out a less strong smell.
also perhaps you can close the door as well as open the vent/windows and your husband can be in a different room until you are done cooking and the smell have gone a bit.
that is to say, i don't think it should be that drastic, especially if as you say it's a thing that is quite common where you are, your husband must have encountered it before and he hasn't banned it. so there has to be some way for you guys to work something out without ending up cooking outside.. !

Raw onion gives me an instant headache and makes me VERY irritable. I also CANNOT THINK. It is really hard on me. Maybe you want to buy dehydrated onion and put it right in the dish fast.

There is a shower vent in the house that, when the wind blows, smells no matter how much I clean. It makes me irritable and I want to cry and lash out. I can hardly stand it.

Perfume makes me nauseated and get a head ache. The wrong smells overall really do put me on edge. Strangely, I feel good with a "good quality" incense - not cheap perfume version, but good quality pressed herbal versions. BUT - good smells do NOT mask the bad smells for me.

Think of how a dog can smell - picking up scents others cannot.

I can also hear a car idling on another street - it feels like it is hammering me in the back of my skull and pokes my eardrums.

I have used welding glasses to deal with light sensitivities. It HURTS. It makes me tired.

Sensory issues, for me, can make me feel like I am being beaten up. When I complain, they are often minimized and seen as just complaining. Good for you for caring, but just remember these really hurt. And you don't want to hurt, I know. So, if you had a child with diabetes you have to make diet restrictions, if you had someone with lung disease you would not smoke around them - if you have someone with AS and sensory issues ... you can fill this in. These are not "little complaints."

Best to you, LM

Does your husband have sinus/allergy problems? I'm asking because I'm sensitive to certain smells partly because of sinus problems. I'm from south Louisiana too & smells of spices & onions & also perfume & scented things can make my nose start dripping a lot & give me sinus headaches. I try to avoid the kitchen when mom is cooking with things like that or anything else that aggravates them(my room is on the other side of the house so I stay in there with my door closed) but I love eating some of the stuff mom cooks with those ingredients. If he does have sinus/allergy problems; it might be helpful for him to see a doctor about it because there's different sinus allergy meds out there(thou I haven't have much benefit with most of them but everyone is different). He would still likely be sensitive to those smells if he did have sinus problems that got better but it might would be a little more tolerable for him