Forcing socialization on young adults with Asperger's?

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Never "force" ANYTHING on a high functioning autistic, especially if they have made it crystal clear that they want no part of something. You will be facing an uphill battle. You have a better chance of getting the Earth to stop moving on its axis, to be honest.

My parents made me do things exactly like this when I was a child and teenager. Telling them flat out, "I do not want to go," and "i hate it there," "the other children try to pick fights with me," etc. and receiving no sympathy, my protests falling on deaf ears. The only thing this accomplished was making me resent my parents. For years after.

This is a bad idea. If they want to help their son there are much more positive ways. Has he ever spoken with a therapist? If he has depression, anxiety, phobias etc. has he ever sought out treatment for those things? Has he ever had a job? Is he capable of working? His parents need to decide whether they are willing to support him for the rest of his life. If he is capable of holding a job, they can quite easily make his family income contingent on working or volunteering for a certain amount of hours per week.

Your goal should not be to help him socialize. You cannot force that on a person. Nor can you make a person desire to be social. Many of us choose not to be. The goal should be to help him be more independent.

He can't hold a job. Nor does he want to be independent. I asked him if he ever planned on moving out of his mom's house and he bugged out about the question. It gave him serious anxiety just hearing the question being asked. He has anxiety attacks where he needs to stop working for 15-20 minutes at least before he can start again. I can't think of any job that wouldn't fire him for it.

I am against forced socializing but it isn't the problem here. His parents are really wrong for not pushing him to learn to support himself. They won't be around forever, what will he do then? He must get some profession. He must go to some school. That's where they should push him. Socializing is a trivial thing. Learning to survive on your own is a must thing.



Exactly.



He must get therapy then.

You don't turn to anyone, you solve the problem.

my parents forced me to go to "friends" who werent even my friends. once i was seven and walked with my mother someplace and saw two girls from my school deep in conversation, and my mother pushed me and screamed, "Those are your friends. run after them. run." i deliberately ran slow and lost them.
forcing me to socialize and run after other people made me want friends even less, and made me associate relationships as an unpleasant duty, something you must do whether you want to or not, in other words, something you dont want to do. nobody likes duties, and that's not what friendships are all about. they're supposed to be fun, not forced.
but if the aspie wants to socialize and cant because of social phobias, then he should be encouraged to socialize. still, forcing isnt a good idea.
what's good is that those are other aspies. it's probably better and easier than socializing with a bunch of nts who obviously dont want your company and you dont want theirs.
it can be very good for an aspie to socialize with other aspies.

No it's not wrong, he has to learn some things in life, but they shouldn't push him too far.
I was once pushed by shrinks way too far and the result was a trauma.



I guess so, but the most important factor is, that he learns to function in this world the way he is.
The rest doesn't matter that much.
For example: Temple Grandin can function in this world but is still very ASD.



I don't think that ASD is a bubble how some describe it.
He has to learn to function in this world by his own, computer games wouldn't help him, but maybe social contacts he even doesn't want maybe neither. He also has to learn very basic stuff how to pay bills, do laundery and so on. ASD is much more than just learning how to socialize.

Up until I was about 20 I had no interest in socialising, my social life amount to me just latching onto my parent's friends and relatives - it was just what I found safe, easy and comfortable. I just didn't want school friends. I think this is partly because I never saw my self as a child or teenager and I felt like an old-man at heart, so very uncomfortable in my own skin.

It was about the time I started going to work that I realised I needed friends and had none. I think my whole attitude to growing up was, finish school, get a job (did this at 19), get a flat (did this at 21) and then make friends!

I would totally oppose the idea of forced socialising. There are probably all sorts of reasons why the young person with AS finds it very uncomfortable, and stressful, that that are not yet able to explain properly, they probably will be able to when they are older.

There were many things I had no interest in doing until I got to a much older than average age, but that's fine. However when someone on the spectrum decides for themself they want to start socialising, which will probably happen, even if its well into adulthood, then there needs to be the support available to help them 'kick-start' a social life at an older age.

I feel quite strongly about this issue because I grew up with a parent who tried to force socialisation on me (I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, unfortunately, so I was just seen as being avoidant and socially deficient). Of course socialisation is important. BUT it has to be on terms the autistic person can manage and feel comfortable with! My mother would drag me to family functions, where there was a large group of people all talking across each other, and my reaction was almost immediate shutdown because I was overwhelmed by all the noise and people. I was unable to join in any of the conversation, struggled to respond when people spoke to me, and couldn't understand why she insisted on me going to these things, for what? So other people could stare at me in my discomfort? It was torture. Being put in a situation like that with other autistic people would be easier, but certainly far from a pleasant experience for me.

On the other hand, if I had had a friend who shared my interests, I would have been stuck to them like glue. I really enjoy one-on-one interaction with people who are interested in similar things to me (I had a best friend growing up who I did everything with), and I also like doing things with someone (such as visiting places). It is when someone becomes multiple people that I have problems. It is group socialisation that I cannot do.

It is a truth that most people need some kind of socialisation to be happy in the long term. However, it is a big NT fallacy that "socialising" means "going to a party/gathering". Please tell your family not to force group socialisation on him without first understanding what is disturbing him about them. Forcing him to go through something which is distressing for him is cruel - he can't do anything about that and if it's because of overwhelm, nothing about the situation is going to change. Does he talk to friends on the internet? Why not suggest he meet up with one friend to do something and see how he feels about that? If he doesn't have internet friends, then suggest he go on internet forums about his interests and make some - it's often much easier for AS people to make friends online than face to face and internet friendships can then become real-life ones. Perhaps he and his parents can find some middle ground to meet on.

I didnt know, that I have superpowers. So normally socializing is extremes exhausting for me, and like every other human there is a limit to the amount of exhaustion I can take, until I need a rest. But as it seems I didn´t know that we autist have the superpower of being never exhausted. So when I do my job, which is already more exhausting to me, then to others, then do my normal housework, then join my partner whom I love, which is also exhausting, i just start my super "never be exhausted" power at 21:00 in the evening and do some party.

And yes, my Asperger prevents me form enjoying society, because no "learning" ever can teach me to enjoy the thing that people call social events. Why the hell should I enjoy being in a room with screaming people, making it impossible for me to understand anything, having conversation without topics to comfort them each other and so on...

I agree, that I have learned, why NT enjoy these, and need this. But it doesnt change the fact, that I do not enjoy this and ignoring my deeds led to nothing more then me having a cloth size of Zero, a nervous breakdown, sleeping problems, suicide attempts and nearly loosing my job and partnership. And there is absolutely nothing depressing about that, because I have no problems with being happy, as long as I dont start to get so dumb again of thinking that I would have to do this socializing s**t.

I agree that you should find a way to be independent in this society. Because with the independence came the possibility to live my life in the way I need it. Which means I can allow myself to reduce the for me unnecessary social stuff, giving me the opportunity to live happily.

And I really dont see the problem about it, I am sitting alone in my offide, doing a work that is interesting for me and the less social stuff I am forced to do during work, the happier I come home and have energy to do a bit of social stuff with the few persons I want it to do on my own. Forcing social stuff on me exhausts me, forces me to stay longer at company because I have to restore energy to do the same amount of work, and then I come home and I am done, and cant enjoy the presence of my partner and I sit alone and sad in the bathroom, wishing to be able to have fun with my partner and friends instead of being forced to stay alone in the bath, so I am able to work again tomorrow. This depresses me.

I support therapy that helps people be able to socialize.
There's a lot of studies done on prisons that have sent people to solitary confinement, and the solitary confinement would affect their mental health as they were isolated in confinement.
So seeing that isolation is bad for us, i do support socializing as it will help if it is done properly and with therapy.

I think that the people that have solitary confinement and have issues from it are people that like to socialize and be around people. I know if I was in prison and given a choice I'd chose solitary and not just because of fear of violence and rape.

I'm a pretty non social and isolated person in real life and that's the way I prefer it.

It actually just ends up making it worse. i know. because when i was a kid they didn know what what wrong with me. So ive been in schools.

Its like forcing a person who cant walk to walk. up out of that wheel chair, now walk WALK.

You cant just change the malfunction on the brain by trying or forcing to socialize, those it work for are people who dont have it and might just had something else like depression or something.

They think the reason i got Autism and aspergers is caused by brain damage at birth, because i was without air for a long time so i almost got blue and purple.

so you cant just socialize brain damage way. it doesnt work like that.

Imagine being a normal person, and being forced to be alone. the next year, you will be forced to be in this apartment and never see or talk to anyone. that is probably our hell in reverse being forced to be with others.

Some people with Asperger's want to socialize. Some don't.

In my experience, I don't want to socialize. In my experience, even after pushing myself extremely hard to socialize (17 years of school, college included), and even after making many friends, I didn't actually want to socialize with them.

It's going to depend on the person. If he genuinely doesn't want to socialize, don't bother trying to force it; he won't be changed.

Forced socialization is kinda like this...

Concerned Parent: OK little Jonny you're going to walk this tight rope to cure your fear of heights.

Little Jonny: But dad I don't know how to walk a tight rope.

Concerned Parent: That doesn't matter, you just have to do it or you'll never be normal.

Little Jonny: AAHHHHHHHHH!! ! (as he falls on this face reinforcing his fear of heights).

when i was a teen my family crow barred me into social events... the didnt know that i couldnt hear one in many and that i heard every voice in the room and every footstep and the ac unit and the squeak of shoes and the glare of the sun and flicker of florescent lights and CRT monitors the smell of a dozen perfumes and lotions and air fresheners and the only thing i couldnt see was that thing that people do that looks for all the world like telepathy but isnt... im just colourblind to that semaphore, except in the eyes, like staring into the sun, their light spills out like a spotlight, its hateful heat on my naked skin, a constant reminder that im broken and wrong and all i want is
OUT!! !
where its quiet and dark like a snowy night and i didnt know how to tell them and they never asked. to assume that what is good for them is good for me without a clear understanding of my difficulties is nothing short of arrogant presumption. theres a differnce between solitude and lonliness that i could never quite get across to them.