Want to have the relationships but don't enjoy socializing?

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I've tried joining a choir, Spanish class, fitness club for "geeks" (with limited success), the YMCA. None of it works for me in terms of finding a friend to do things with.
I enjoy close social relationships but am not so good with the socializing that comes before that! Any ideas aside from joining clubs I'm interested in? Anybody else feel the same way?

I've started going to bars more often, which I found helps. I don't drink anything beyond a pineapple upside-down cake or any other weak drinks, and even then I drink water afterwards. (I live in a beach resort town where people from Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, D.C., and Virginia love to come play during the summer and ignore the rest of the year.) I'm also looking into some nail technology classes, which should expand my social pool more.

Is there anything else in your area that might tickle your fancy?

Do you enjoy reading?
If that is the case, I suggest to go to the library. Eventually you will see someone reading a book you think is interesting as well, the approaching is a problem though...
Maybe you should go over to the person and ask the person "is the book good?" and somehow try to develop on a conversation?

PS: And welcome to Wrong Planet!

I would like a friend or even two, but only on my terms. I don't want to have to feel the need to contact them everyday or whatever. Texting, email, etc. No phone convos. That is why I have slowly gotten rid of friends. Plus the kinds of friends I had weren't good for me, or too aloof, etc. So double reasoning there. I would've like to had a friend who shared a interest, maybe someone on the spectrum, but I am NOT social. I can't publicly socialize and I hate that process and what if they aren't the one? Then I wasted all that time for nothing.

I feel this way all the time - I have friends at work, but I can only handle talking about work with them. I feel that I can't even make friends who can talk about my special interests because mine change so often. I've even been hopping on the WP chat over the last couple weeks, but can barely manage to jump in on a conversation.. I think even having the chat window open gives me anxiety.

I think I like the idea of going out and making friends more than the reality. I can make friendly acquaintances pretty easily, but when I am out socializing I just get overwhelmed and panic. I was invited out to a bar, and a get together last week and declined because it just didn't sit right--if that makes sense.