controlling a meltdown

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Hey,

Haven't posted for awhile or been on the forum. Somehow this was a place where I always came looking for support and understanding. But for quite some time I just didn't have the need for it as everything seemed fine and in check (at least more or less).

Until recently I had a heavy breakdown. I hate noise and crowds, and recently I was in a situation where both these factors were combined and additionally 2 people in whose company I was started an argument that also included rising their voices. And suddenly I just couldn't stop crying. Similar situations have happened before, but this time there was a problem that I had no option of completely getting away from people, at least not for long enough to completely calm down (it may take hours).

Anyway the thing is that I have never thought it important to get diagnosis about Aspergers or something similar. But now I think that it might be needed, maybe that way I would get a better information on how to cope, maybe some medicine or methods to prepare myself when I know that situation might be stressful. And I would really appreciate any advice I can get here.

Can you predict when you are going to be in situations like that? If you know you are in imminent risk of a meltdown, your best bet is to simply remove yourself from the situation, go somewhere quiet--possibly lie down, if you can, turn off lights, remove tight clothing, reduce sensory stimulation much the way you would if you were having a migraine.

Stopping a meltdown midway through is... probably not possible. At least, not possible short of heavy doses of tranquilizers. It's better to just try to move somewhere safe and wait it out. If you tend to simply cry uncontrollably, this means yours are safer than many people's--some of us will just run aimlessly (possibly into traffic), or hit whoever and whatever is within reach. But for the most part, we "grow out of" those extremely physical sorts of meltdowns by the time we're teens, and as adults we tend to cry or shut down. I suppose it is a little like the way ADHD kids are more hyperactive than ADHD adults. Some change in the nervous system, more ability to inhibit one's physical movements... As a child I couldn't stop moving; now, often times, I can't start. It's a bit complicated. And probably off topic.

Anyway, best thing to do is get to know yourself. Know how your mind works, both under stress and in calmer circumstances. Learn to predict what is going to reduce your ability to cope with stuff, and make the little changes that will make life more comfortable for you; for example, I gained a good deal of mental energy back simply from wearing interchangeable polo shirts and soft cotton pants, rather than less comfortable and more varied clothing that forced me to decide what to wear each day. In the end, you won't be able to completely prevent meltdowns, but you'll probably be able to eliminate the problems they cause for you, by reducing their frequency and finding ways to head off trouble when one becomes inevitable.

what about the argument made you cry? The volume or the conflict?

I expect the answer to be both. there is no real way that I know of to ensure all arguments remain out of ear shot. I used to see about three fights a week in bars but admittedly I dont know the parties.

The argument as a treat to the harmony of your relations to either or both parties kicked you off like sheldon cooper. Memories and their emotional associations often form triggers. An argument does not reflect on you but the possible change in dynamics + the noise resulting in flooding. Its no big deal really and a moments lapse of composure is understandable.

I need more information to tel you much more, but that is just my two cents.

First off isolation suppressing and fighting negative thoughts followed by getting drunk passing out and forgetting what made me upset in the first place and then realizing life sucks and accept it and that things will get better.

Official diagnosis helps with some things. It helps with official things. As in official help from official societies and whatnot sort of things. But that is about the long and the short of it.

If you want to dose yourself up with chems then sobeit. I've never been on medication, personally. Can't say whether I "need" them or not, but I never considered anything that happened to me to be "wrong" in any sense. Even in the times when I've been curled up in the corner, half catatonic and trying to discern ways to kill myself... I've just accepted it as an aspect of who I am and something that I am to put up with. The idea of my personality being altered by drugs seems far worse... though perhaps ironically I've got no problem drinking myself into a stupor.

I don't have meltdowns much any more, but I always figured the best way to handle them was to limit the damage by forcefully shutting down... and then punishing myself for it later to lessen the chances of it happening again any time soon. I'm supposing most folk wouldn't opt for the second, but it seems to have helped me.

I wouldn't say I consider myself an expert on this, but it sounds like the important thing is getting some strategies in place, and pinpointing what your triggers are (if possible).
A good therapist who knows about ASDs may be able to help with this. 'Help' may be the key word as not all therapists have all the answers and an official diagnosis doesn't necessarily help in the quest for practical strategies. By which I mean, it may or may not help but what I have found is that the quest for practical strategies is almost a separate issue to an actual diagnosis.

I must say that talking with a professional has helped me a lot at times, with sensory processing disorder, though. It helped me to become a bit clearer on some things, and I also needed a bit of help feeling validated. Like, talking about it helped me see that it wasn't all in my imagination when I was having discomfort that wasn't yet a meltdown (which, my family would probably say it was).

I hope that is helpful in some manner.

Thank you very much all for response!

Mostly I can and try to control that. For example I don't use public transport when I'm feeling fragile, as I know that just accidental pushing of another person can be a trigger.
But the cases I worry about are ones where I can't predict or can't avoid such situations. For example there was once a case at work where a customer started yelling at me through the phone and it resulted in breakdown. (I would like to mention that I don't have work that makes me often talk to people, I would even call it quite suitable for me. But still there are specific cases when I need to respond).
And another case is situations that I know will be frustrating, but I can't really avoid them. And in these cases I need a solution to how to prepare myself.



Argument in any way didn't involve me, and only one of the people involved in it I would call a friend. An important factor also was that it was end of the long day, somehow crowded place, so many disturbing factors. The volume of conflict wasn't also that high. Mainly argument consisted from a remark about behavior (from the friend), with a bit aggressive response (no calling names, no yelling). Unfortunately I had no option of getting right away from the place and I had to endure this environment now for ~10-15 minutes. Let's just say that it was at a level where no "normal" person would consider it something to get frustrated about.
Also I have problem with arguing itself. I can't argue at all, I can't raise voice at another person, at least not without tears and then feeling really bad about it (usually I also get nausea).