This question is mainly for the males:
I’ve read that generally ASers are uncomfortable with touch, whether being touched or touching someone else.
So if you are attracted to a female, do you ever feel the need to touch her or would the thought of physical contact cause you some anxiety?
I "Got over" people touching me when i was around 12. Having a younger brother with ADHD and an enjoyment with hitting tends to help in the form of "Getting Over" them. Most of my social issues were also destroyed or reinforced thanks to my brothers.. random people touching me when i walk through the store doesn't bother me anymore. standing in the middle of a mall bothers me more (reinforced by brothers.)
I've always had a dislike of being touched when I was young but this largely passed as I reached adulthood. I have no problems being intimate with my wife. However, my skin sometimes becomes hypersensitive, especially after making love for some unknown reason and the slightest touch to my abdomen or upper legs overwhelms me - the sensation is rather like extreme ticklishness and I automatically leap away from the sensation. I become one huge ticklish spot!
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I've left WP indefinitely.
Did you perhaps have any touch issues with your now wife, even slight, before marriage?
Did you perhaps have any touch issues with your now wife, even slight, before marriage?
Not at all. I was generally OK with touch anyway provided I was expecting it or initiating it. I really disliked being touched unexpectedly though by anyone. I'm always up for an (expected) hug nowadays.
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I've left WP indefinitely.
Not diagnosed, but I've always hated been touched. I used to run from people if they went to touch me.
These days, I'm not as bad. I will flinch or jump when I'm not expecting it. But otherwise, I don't get touched much. Other than family, I've only had a handful of hugs, and I didn't particularly enjoy them haha.
I'm sure this is porbalbly something that varies person to person, although i would anwser yes to both the need and the fact there is some level of anxiety..
I grew tollerant of touch with age, although still don't like it generally and have to resist the urge to flinch, it is diffrent with women I know well and am attracted to. It also can be quite anxiety provoking early on in a relasonship, as it not something i do very often and carries more significance to me than it would to another person. I have never gotten to the point where i would touch someone naturaly without some hesitation.
windtreeman
Velociraptor
Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 498
Location: Seattle, Washington
It depends, I mean...I hate being touched by random people, friends and family members (like, if my Mom's hand brushes my hand while I hand her something, I jump back in disgust which is a strange and unfair reaction because I don't dislike my Mom in the slightest) but, I never had any issue at all with being touched by my ex-girlfriend, as long as I knew it was coming (no surprises! /Radiohead). I think, to not be repulsed or irritated by it, I have to reach an excessive level of comfort only achieved in a longer term relationship.
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Assessed 11/17/12
Diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety Disorder 12/12/12
My vocal and guitar covers (Portishead, Radiohead and Muse) http://www.youtube.com/user/DreaminginWaves/featured
I don't think you can top parents when it comes to long term relationships haha
(unless they're dead...which your mum isn't in this case, so no worries)
I actually like brushing hands. It's the closest I come to touching people. But in those circumstances, it's me doing it by choice. If it's the reverse, then it's the same as my above post.
I despise physical contact unless I initiate it. This includes hugs, handshakes, grazing the shoulder of someone in a crowd etc. and when uninvited, for some reason, touch makes me feel like I am angry or frustrated; although I am learning to better control it as I become older. Personal space is also a big issue for me. If someone gets too close to me I feel acutely uncomfortable; and in some instances, my reactions are extreme. For example, I was at the university I attend one day and despite the fact that it was only us and a few other people walking along the sidewalk, a man appearing to be a few years my senior came too close and I just about assaulted him. Luckily I realized that I had no reason to believe he was a threat and stopped myself before I hit him.
Last edited by Pip on 13 Jan 2013, 11:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I did that too as a kid. I remember once my mother reaching out to me (she wanted to measure me for a jumper she was knitting for me) and I instinctively jumped back. She started crying then because of my response. I couldn't explain to her why I didn't like to be touched.
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I've left WP indefinitely.
Yes, same here.
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Diagnosed with Aspergers.
BSP-errors are awesome.
I used to have a lot more problems with being touched by strangers than I do now. Pats on shoulders, grabbing my arm, and especially kissing (on goodbyes, or festive days) were no-nos for me, sometimes even if it concerned my relatives.
But now, I've grown mostly indifferent to physical touch by others. I tend to keep a certain distance from most people, so it doesn't actually happen very often that anyone is in a position to touch me a lot.
But then, of course, there are the people who I let 'into my zone' so to speak, and I don't mind touch from them at all, although I myself am unlikely to do much touching (like hugging, shoulder pats, etc.) at all.
Now, where it concerns romance and attraction, it's actually a combination of the 2 above paragraphs. As long as the person is not 'in my zone', I myself would not be comfortable being touched by them (or touching them)- because I'd still be in the getting-to-know-them mode, which for me is more about an exchanging of ideas/information. Then after a while when we'd be a bit more comfortable with each other, I'll no longer mind the touching.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action