Why do some Aspies expect the world to cater to them?

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Similar has happened to me and I am only 22. I understand what you're saying. Tired of AS hindering my ability to live a fulfilled life sometimes.

I have about 150 co-workers at my workplace, of which, I believe there are probably more than a dozen aspies. The meanest and most vocally judgmental 2 individuals in my workplace are aspies. They loudly call out the mistakes of co-workers in a heartbeat, quicker than the mistakes can be righted. The other 10 or so are great co-workers in all respects.

I understand that my 2 most unpleasant co-workers struggle with their own frustration intolerance and that their facial expressions may not match their feelings. Regardless, one of them is downright mean. She once watched me taking the fall for one of her mistakes and was in no way going to take responsibility. (And that mistake was considered a "set-up" for theft - hiding money in order to retrieve it later.)

As I was explaining to our supervisor how it was impossible that I'd done it (because of the denominations involved); another supervisor pointed out that my aspie co-worker had preceded me that morning at the same station. It was only then she piped up and said, "Oh yes, I put that money there and forgot about it." Plus, we have cameras recording our movements, so she knew she was busted. She wasn't taken to task for it because of her long seniority at the company, but I stood to lose my job as a relative new comer.

This is just one example of her doing bad. I understand that she acts out of insecurity - if she makes co-workers appear incompetent, she will appear better by contrast. But...............aspies are not immune to being bullies.... just saying.

So if it can all be overcome with enough effort, why don't you have a girlfriend yet?

I totally agree, rude and bitter aspies suck. If they're intentionally rude, and judgmental, than they're gonna make enemies they can't afford to have. But don't assume just because they haven't turned out like you that they didn't try as hard.



Most people can be VERY judgmental. Irrationally judgmental. People scrutinize and form opinions, even if they never tell you. It only seems like they're oblivious, but you would be surprised what they notice.



True. Many advantages from having a support system. But fostering a loyal group of friends is a challenge for people on the spectrum. And keep in mind, others might be far more socially impaired.



You can let the past go if you can, but petty political teenagers turn into petty political young adults. I would agree that most people get a little less judgmental, but in the end, "normal and popular" will win out every time. It's just the name of the game.

You are right, aspies must know that. People call me cold and heartless, but it is because i am trying to protect myself from their attacks, I can't let they know my weaknesses. IF you are not the hunter then you become the prey.

This is true; speaking for myself. And I think my friends are judgmental also. But judgement and non-acceptance are not the same. I am at once judgmental (noticing, scrutinizing & forming opinions) and accepting. I avoid folks I consider to be destructive, dangerous and reckless. Everyone else, I associate with freely and enjoy. I find most folks to be pretty similar to myself in regard to judging and accepting.


Yes they do, but..............your point is?

Here's where my experience clearly departs from that of aspies. First; I do not equate petty political folks with "normal and popular". Petty politicos are destructive, I choose not to associate with them now and I avoided them in my teens. I do not consider them to be normal, they're destructive. While they may seem to be popular, I'm pretty sure they aren't, though they tend to gather some toadies. Honestly, they mostly appear shunned to me. I won't attend them and most folks don't either.

It's a big world of people and one can do quite well without the petty politicos. They cannot be avoided completely, but on the whole, one can keep them fairly well out of the way. In the workplace they can bite, but still, they (and their toadies) are in the minority. I work-around them as much as possible and push back when necessary. Sometimes pushing back has cost me, other times it works. It's a big world of jobs and careers, too. Twice I've had to move on. That doesn't seem too bad to me; I've been in the workplace for 33 years.

What I am trying to say is that most folks, in my opinion, take occasional unfair knocks from unscrupulous people and recover, seemingly, completely and they do it without embitterment.

Reading here, sometimes I wonder (judgmentally) how aspies end up seemingly surrounded by the worst of NTs when they are so easily avoided on the whole.

it is darwinian in nature, as higher-ranking members of a pack will compete with lower-ranking animals for available resources. the higher survives and the lower perishes.

Because other minority groups do. What's good for one should be good for another I say.

I absolutely agree with this. The mental strain is enormous. Not that people should just give up either, but I think NT society should be more accommodating. If humans are so evolved and intelligent, why are they still treating the 'weaker' members of the pack like something that needs to be attacked or ostracized?

@MountainLaurel:

I find your information helpful, it's in line with my experience. While I do not think that all your "aspies" are in fact on the spectrum, some may be close to it. I've noticed a pattern that people who are apparently mean often do have at least some traits of autism. Recent experience tells me though, that there are people who do not exhibit any apparent sign of autism, yet they are extremely dangerous, cold-hearted, and mean, even if they have a friendly look. Such people are just way better at hiding, using their extremely advanced ability to manipulate others, therefore they are almost invisible to autistics.

So, in the end, I'm not convinced that either aspies or non-autistics are generally more good-hearted / less mean.

I think you are right in a way..when you have had crap all your life from people it can make you bitter towards people
I try just to avoid people..i am always polite to people and never rude....but it can be hard to try and change a life time of issues and turn into a different person..i will always have a lot of issues and fears with social situations but i am trying to get by the best i can....i might always be like this..but agree that in order to move on in life you have to make some kind of effort to overcome your fears...and not to hold bitterness towards people..not everyone is the same!

I've noticed that some Aspies are horribly spoiled children whose parents don't seem capable of having a life separate from their "wonderful, special" child. My childhood was the opposite of this, I must admit -- just so no one makes the mistake of thinking I speak from some twisted sense of resentment. In fact, I've told some of these self-martyring parents to STOP letting their child run their lives and decide where the entire family will be living while the child attends University. The reaction of these parents is usually outrage at ME for suggesting that they are somehow doing anything that is wrong. They've given their LIVES for their child! And this is the point. This child will be brilliant in a classroom and dumb as toast when it comes to such things as renting an apartment or shopping for groceries on his or her own. Most will never learn to drive a car.

I've worked with teenagers and young adults who were quite intelligent who were unable to walk into a restaurant and pay for food, but could easily have worked in an office environment with minimal supervision as long as they were able to understand that it was not necessary for them to form great friendships with their co-workers and share all the secrets of their life with them, only to find flaws and turn on these people in a matter of weeks and consequently find the workplace "intolerable." It is my belief that because I was disadvantaged and forced to cope, my experience was one of learning to live in the world or die trying." This was painful and difficult, but obviously not impossible.

The "NT game" as you call it was fine until my "tough no nonsense" act was mistaken by a senior co-worker as the mark of a sexually dominant female, which was for him a tremendous turn on. I must disagree with anyone who says that Aspies are mean or cold people. I am not at all good at manipulating people's emotions, nor have I ever wanted to be. I find the thought of this very distasteful. It may be the case that it is more trendy to lie and to cheat and not to care what it does to other people, but I find this incredibly offensive and upsetting. There are people like emotional vampires who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and these people are predatory and dangerous. They will seem very nice and incredibly charming -- almost in a fairy tale sense. And YES, they are for all intents and purposes almost invisible to autistic people. My advice is to WATCH and WAIT when someone comes on almost too strong and is too helpful and makes incredible promises and gives lavish gifts. The autistic person gets pulled in to thinking "here is a wonderful friend" and all I can do is to warn anyone reading this -- keep your guard up and listen with more than just your ears. Observe how other people react to this person. Are they intimidated by them?

Do not allow this person to disrupt your job, your personal life (even if you are living alone -- that is your preference -- when they don't respect "NO" -- be prepared to do everything you'd normally never in your life want to do. Report the person. Call the police. Such people have no respect for your privacy, for your needs. They are the opposite of what they seem to be. The longer they are in your life, the more damage is done. They will alienate any real friends you have. They will exhaust you with their demands for attention. You will be made to feel ungrateful because they will arrive with gifts or they will "surprise" you by booking a romantic getaway for the weekend while you were planning to get all of your work caught up and you will be GUILT-TRIPPED into spending a miserable weekend worrying about your job and losing your credibility.They are doing all they can to isolate you.

I am an Aspie who is most definitely on the spectrum. I've noticed there are people who compare those with autism to those who are damned sociopaths and this is simply not true. Even those with low Empathy are nothing like the NPD -- these are the ones who talk about dying for love while they steal your self-esteem and dress you up in THEIR idea of what looks good. They play the role of love but do not feel what love is. Once a man like this gets through with a woman, she has usually lost any interest she ever had in men. For me, getting close in relationship was never easy. You are comparing apples to rattlesnakes. Ah yes, the ones with the friendly look -- watch their face when they believe no one is looking!

My grandmother has Alzheimer's but is so amazingly clever, and she once said to me ''you'll die if you worry, you'll die if you don't'', and so now when I am worrying about something, I try to remember what she said to me, and it sometimes helps.

To those who may take things literally, she didn't mean worrying causes death LOL. She meant however much you worry, you and the people who may judge you will all be dead one day. May sound harsh but it's true.

Not everyone is able to get on as easily as you.

I cannot tolerate people (especially my generation) who expect to have everything handed to them. Asperger's has little to do with the sense of entitlement that so greatly plagues our society.

IMO (in reference to the OP's remark regarding being social/outgoing), it isn't terribly "awesome" to me - I prefer to be the person who keeps my head down and focused on work and work only. I couldn't give two s**ts about the meaningless social pratter that engulfs the lives of the vast hordes of human cattle... Being the "lone warrior" isn't a sign of weakness, but independence. The lone warrior ("beavers") can conduct duties without the supervision and instruction of others and can be far more driven and productive than the "otters" in the workplace.

I have had the same experience - with a woman. It makes me even harder to be in a relationship, that's true. But, be prepared for it, there are ASD people who's communication style, IRL look will match that of an Aspie, except that they have no conscience, no empathy (of any kind), who exhibit strong traits of a personality disorder, most likely narcissism, or even antisocial PD. I speak of recent personal experience. The other kind is exactly what you described. Such people can change their behavior and tell all the necessary lies to appear in the desired way. Both kinds are very very dangerous, in a slightly different way.