Logicalmom wrote:
Bottom line is, I suppose, we are more than our ASD and things that happen to us during childhood might present in ways that may expressed through our unique processing and sensory experiences. Your home environment will contribute to "you", but it is not all of what makes you "you."
In my case, the effect of growing up in a dysfunctional family served to partly 'mask' my ASD traits, so that I ended up being misdiagnosed at age 38 with ‘possible schizotypal disorder (ICD-10)’. I have interviewed my mom about my early childhood, and she confirmed that I had significant autistic traits as an infant (avoiding eye contact, severe aversion to being touched, hypersensitivity to light, having a faraway look and 'going away' inside my own mind for hours). At the time she didn't seek out a diagnosis, because in the late 60's the refrigerator mother theory was still very much in use, and she didn't want either of us stigmatized by an autism diagnosis.
If one looks at the list of possible effects of a dysfunctional family on children, there are quite a few overlaps with ASDs, so it's not surprising that it's easy to confuse the two - and the former can definitely make the latter worse. I might not have ended up a 'disabled person' if things had been different, but yeah - sh*t happens, also to people born on the spectrum.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_familyQuote:
Effects on children
Children of dysfunctional families, either at the time, or as they grow older, may also:[11]
lack the ability to be playful, or childlike, and may "grow up too fast"; conversely they may grow up too slowly, or be in a mixed mode (e.g. well-behaved, but unable to care for themselves)
have moderate to severe mental health issues, including possible depression, anxiety,[12] and suicidal thoughts
become addicted to smoking, alcohol, and/or drugs, especially if parents or friends have done the same
bully or harass others, or be an easy victim thereof (possibly taking a dual role in different settings)
be in denial regarding the severity of the family's situation
have mixed feelings of love–hate towards certain family members
become a sex offender, possibly including pedophilia.[13]
have difficulty forming healthy relationships within their peer group (usually due to shyness or a personality disorder)
spend an inordinate amount of time alone watching television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, listening to music, and other activities which lack in-person social interaction
feel angry, anxious, depressed, isolated from others, or unlovable
have a speech disorder (related to emotional abuse)[14]
distrust others or even have paranoia
become a juvenile delinquent and turn to a life of crime (with or without dropping out of school), and possibly become a gang member as well
struggle academically at school or academic performance declines unexpectedly
have low self-esteem or a poor self image with difficulty expressing emotions
rebel against parental authority, or conversely, uphold their family's values in the face of peer pressure, or even try to take an impossible "middle ground" that pleases no one
think only of themselves to make up the difference of their childhoods (as they are still learning the balance of self-love)
have little self-discipline when parents are not around, such as compulsive spending, procrastinating too close to deadlines, etc. (unfamiliar and seemingly lax "real-world" consequences vs. familiar parental consequences)
find an (often abusive) spouse or partner at a young age, and/or run away from home
become pregnant and/or a parent of illegitimate children
be at risk of becoming poor or homeless, even if the family is already wealthy or middle-class
have auto-destructive or potentially self-damaging behaviors
join a cult to find the acceptance they never had at home, or at a minimum, have differing philosophical/religious beliefs from what they were previously taught
strive (as young adults) to live far away from particular family members or the family as a whole
perpetuate dysfunctional behaviors in other relationships (especially their own children)
I highlighted the overlapping traits. I can say yes to all of those and about half of the rest on the list, too, sadly.