Do Female Aspies Have A Dating Advantage?

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I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I find a lot of insulting comments made by a couple guys on here. answeraspergers, oh great, you've dated hundreds of women and yet you still say that aspie women have it easier? Were any of the women you dated aspie?
I have dated one guy. I didn't have anyone approach me until I was 17 and that was a 40+ yr old creep who kept asking me if I was 18 yet. As soon as I turned 18 he... "touched" me. He molested quite a few girls before he was banned from that department, but nothing was actually done to him. I have had a couple creeps where I worked tell me they wanted to take me home and chain me to the stove. I had a few people tell me that "so&so wants to go out with you!" But nothing happened. When I was 19, an incident happened and this guy helped me out and so we started talking. He has a lot of the same ways of thinking that I do, so we hit it off. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. We got married 5 yrs later. I'm so thankful because I don't have to even think about finding another relationship now, because it sucked. I'm incredibly shy, I've been told I'm very pretty, but I don't get flirting and can't take a compliment to save my life.
What other people on here have said, about women not wanting to go out with a guy who is going around to multiple women, it true. Maybe you're so desperate that you wouldn't mind going out with a girl who was chatting up all the guys, I don't know, but I know from watching people that they like to be special. They don't like to be sloppy seconds. Maybe try a different venue. Most club girls I've seen are not exactly pick of the litter. Do you like clubbing or are you just trying to find a girl there?

(edit: a couple of you have said you have seen it first hand, but you're discounting that we've seen it firsthand too. I think it's pretty equal)

I repeat, not having a relationship is better than being in an abusive relationship.

When you study attraction, you discover that what women say and what they want are two different things. Girls just want to have fun. They want someone that engages, brings them through a series of emotions (Both high's and lows) and then escalates, leading them the entire way until finally intimacy occurs. This is the typical nature. Don't get me wrong I do agree that approaching hundreds of girls without being able to determine the receptive from unperceptive is important however some girls you will never really know until you approach them and get their attention. In places like bookstores, while you can pick up on subtle cues, you also have to be brave and willing to walk up to a girl standing in the Aisle and make chit chat. You met a guy and got married right away, this is a common theme with numerous aspie girls but very uncommon with Aspie men because men are expected to be survivors and protects; women are attracted to status and behavior is the best indicator of status.



True but being unable to connect with anyone and developing an inability to open yourself up to others because you believe that all relationships may become abusive so its simply better to avoid them all together is worst.

And you aren't providing anything to demonstrate "women have it easier." You're just putting forth your personal opinions and anecdotes as "facts" and declaring that you are more qualified to judge what females experience than females themselves.

Excuse me for not being impressed.

When you drop dead and get reincarnated as a woman, I might take your perspective on what it's like to be female more seriously. No, you actually don't know what it's like to be a woman in the dating world. Sorry. Free clue: women have many "dating problems" specific to being women, and they are no less serious than "male" problems.

Don't like it? Tough sh%$. I've got my own "experiences" and they tell me that men that try to lecture women on what it's REALLY like to be women have their head shoved-up their butts.

Last edited by XFilesGeek on 15 Feb 2013, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You're mostly talking about NT females, though.
Also, my brother, who is more socially inept than I am got married much earlier than 24 yrs old, had a kid and everything, has had multiple relationships... So comparing the two of us, he was much more successful than me in the dating/relationship world.
Out of all the NT women I've gotten to know, they're looking for someone to care about them and so have gotten into abusive relationships because the guy makes them think he cares. I have seen a lot of women stuck in abusive relationships. Heck, I've even seen guys in abusive relationships, but the majority were women. Would you prefer to be in an abusive relationship, than no relationship at all?

Not lecturing, just comparing the two; women simply have more opportunities; It appears that what we consider opportunities as men, such as simply being able to interact with the female, many women do not consider such "menial" things as important aspect of engagement despite it occurring at a greater ratio. I love how so many women responding to this thread are in relationships or married yet still argue against my point. Many ended up settling very quickly but fail to acknowledge that men will often not have similar experiences or opportunities.




This theme of abuse keeps coming up. As I clarified earlier, an inability to form relationships due to fear of abuse is the worst kind of relationship you can ask for which is one that is not possible. Abusive relationships are not a good thing however they occur in all situations. It seems to be your argument for avoiding relationships entirely.

Last edited by mrL on 15 Feb 2013, 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/06/p ... nt-dating/

best article i ever read on the subject. it was written by a man, actually.

You still haven't bothered to demonstrate that women "have more opportunities" or that these "opportunities" are, in fact, "opportunities."

You haven't bothered to demonstrate why "getting approached" means getting a decent relationship is "easier" for Aspergers women.

I'll wait.



I love your psychic abilities.



Don't go around confusing people with facts, Hyper.

I think I'm the only who mentioned she is married or even in a relationship. One does not equal many.
Also, you didn't answer my question. Would you prefer to be in an abusive relationship, than no relationship at all? I never avoided any relationship, except when it came to the creepy people who just wanted to molest me. Pardon me if I didn't snatch that opportunity up. I was only offered one real relationship.

Long article, while men are entitled to nothing, it is silly to believe that women do not adhere to some non-stated methods or pruning. There various threads where women talk about hating how much guys approach them while there are numerous others where women are asking why guys don't have the balls to approach them. Women All women are diffirent; some want to be left alone; some complain about being approached and then complain when guys stop approaching them as they miss this attention. Some girls will call a guy a creep for simply saying hello; it could often be how she is feeling that day; the guy could be handsome, kind and have great qualities and she could take her frustrations out on him. Very often rejection will have absolutely nothing to do with the guy himself but rather on the mood and friction present when the guy meets the girl. Many guys get shot down and end up feeling as though something is wrong with them. Furthermore imagine if a woman approached a man and he completely blew her off; he would be a jerk.

The article mentions that its all about how low men are willing to go but before I feel into my stem of depression I was insanely handsome (still am though I need to get back into shape); I had a killer body; got compliments from both guys and girls but still couldn't hold a conversation with a girl living in a homeless shelter. Like I said being a guy is rough; its not always how low you are willing to go; sometimes you can't even get whats at the bottom of the barrel due to the difficulties you have with social interaction or fear of rejection. It's not that men believe that we are owed anything; its just that it sucks that we must put in virtually all the work and in the end risk getting broken down by someone that wouldn't even give us the time of day and show normal human decency. Lack of interest is no justification for rude or disrespectful behavior. Men are taught to be respectful to women, clearly women must not live by the same standard.



No relationship is better than an abusive relationship but one's inability to open themselves up to a relationship due to fear of abuse or pain is worst. You say I provide no proof but glance at this article http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/200 ... questions/ ; seriously you are only choosing to acknowledge the things that you want to.

Last edited by mrL on 15 Feb 2013, 1:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

And you really cannot see how it's the same with men and women? You're putting women up on a pedestal and saying they're better at things than you, but you only have your own experiences, which are limited. You're getting many women on here saying that it's hard for them, but you say that they're just ignorant or selfish, or something, rather than acknowledging that they too have a hard time.

edit: Why ask a question if you won't accept the answers you're given?

Last edited by kamiyu910 on 15 Feb 2013, 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

quote=kamiyu910

"I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I find a lot of insulting comments made by a couple guys on here. answeraspergers, oh great, you've dated hundreds of women and yet you still say that aspie women have it easier? Were any of the women you dated aspie? "

Yes and Yes but only a few confirmed and aware of what aspergers actually is and that was after the event.

I understand that from a subjective POV it may seem not the case (that its easier) - statistics matter little to the individual.

It's not putting women on a pedestal, it is acknowledging that the difference in attraction make it tougher on guys. The feeling that you are unworthy and attempting to work through this while woman after woman rejects you is rough. No one is saying that we are owed anything; it is simply that it is more damaging to us because we feel shame, fear and even guilt when approaching women. This conversation with you is one sided because while I am able to acknowledge your points, you are unable to acknowledge or see any of mine. Women often have a lot of things going on in their lives but guys have just as much and then the added pressure to meet, greet and attract is additionally difficult.

Here's a really simple math equation for the dudes who are still having trouble getting their heads around this:

If I am "approached" by 13 guys in a bar, and 12 of those guys are douche bags who are just looking to get laid while only 1 is a decent guy looking for a committed relationship, then I have had exactly 1 "opportunity," not 12 "opportunities."

Since I am an autistic woman, I have approximately a .3% chance of being able to tell the difference between the douche bags and the 1 decent guy, which significantly elevates my chances of ending up with one of the douche bags. Considering the sheer number of douche bags currently infesting the dating market, this is an issue.

To clarify, a sucky relationship with a douche bag is not considered to be a "good thing" by most women.

THEREFORE, constantly being "approached" by what is most likely a bunch of douche bags is not an "advantage," especially not by Aspie women who lack an internal douche bag radar. Now, it may be true that some men would rather have a crappy relationship than no relationship, but that does not mean females have the same list of priorities.

Class dismissed!

Oh, and this is going to be my last post on this issue as I'm getting tired of these "women have it easier" threads as they are obnoxious.

Tootles.

when you say things like this, you are going too far with the sexist generalisations.

your initial thread title was a question, and since about half of the board is comprised of women you can expect that there will be some opposing opinions to yours. it is fine to have a discussion, and it is fine to solicit ideas, but it isn't ok to make a statement such as this. from the rest of your post, it seems that you are looking to create an "us vs them" battle because of your own depression, but this is not the place to do so.

if you can't be respectful of the opposite sex on this board, don't talk to/about them here because you will violate the rules.

I think this is key, here. The OP seems to be unable to acknowledge that autistic women are, in fact, autistic.

I'm male. In my life, I've been approached by several girls who started flirting with me (and guys as well, but I find their method differs slightly); I didn't reciprocate because I was put off by the directness of it. If it's like this for me, then how can having to sift through the guys who are only trying to get into your pants, when trying to find that compatible kindred spirit, be considered a dating ADVANTAGE for women on the spectrum?