Being realistic is not the same as being negative

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I have Aspergers and I try to live my life to the full every chance I get.

I have been to many different countries on holiday.

I am employed.

However being honest.

I don't drive.
I live with my parents.
I have no social circle.
I have OCD
I will never marry and have children and I am a closet homosexual anyway.

I will also be 39 this year.

My aim would be to crack this driving thing and be living on my own.

Girlfriend wife boyfriend or whatever is never going to happen and I KNOW IT.
I will never have a hectic social life to say the very least.

Pretending I can overcome problems that I know I can't or berrying my head in the sand will only make me depressed in the long run.

Opinions please.

Driving is a good start and many of the things you brought up I can say apply to me too though I am older I do drive and I do not travel all over-I know I will also be alone too-never having a relationship it seems-it has been very difficult to stay positive and see the good things after being hurt and kicked for a variety of reasons-I would like a relationship-romantic,sexual whatever just like I see my peers having but I have the same difficulties as you with other things thrown in the mix too.Start with the driving as it is important to be able to get around with ease-its a lot-it took me a long time to get comfortable with driving after I got my license-that wasnt the problem getting the license-just driving afterwards getting at ease with it.

Last edited by Radiofixr on 03 Mar 2013, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Being realistic is the same thing as being negative... IF negative outcomes are your realistic expectations.

Last edited by dyingofpoetry on 03 Mar 2013, 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree.



Living independently is a worthy goal. In my experience, it's very rewarding. My quest to live independently as a young woman was the incentive to struggle against the challenges which were inherent in my inexperience.

If driving is one of the means to that goal; go for it.

Radiofixr it is only in the last year I discovered Aspergers before that I felt very odd and guilty.

To know there are other people like me takes away a lot of the pressure and guilt.

I am starting my official Assessment on Tuesday.

They are having a meeting with my mother without me as I am told this is how these things are done.

I done enjoy things in life and knowing why I am the way I am lets me relax a bit and just enjoy things for what they are.

I find my social skills lacking even on forums.

I start a thread and respond to one good post other people post good replies too and I just run out of steam.

I do read all the replies even when I don't acknowledge them.

I agree, but to general society, being realistic is very much the same thing as being negative. People get very upset when I talk about my expectations for the future of humanity

It's good not to put pressure on yourself about things you know are impossible, or at least far too difficult to be worth it. Enjoy what you do have, as much as you can.

Nah, you're doing fine. Many others tend to pick and choose what replies to respond to.

The silly things we stress about.

I have never said that before it's liberating to be honest.

I was officially diagnosed in 2010 and for years I have felt like an outcast and an unworthy of anything-I look back now at my life and in a way feel cheated because all the things my peers have accomplished and milestones they reached I will never have-I really do feel cheated by life because I never knew why I had such a hard time with lots of things.

I feel exactly the same way but there is nothing we can do about the past I am just trying to make the best of things now and in the future.

I will never be normal I am disabled that is my hand and I have to play it.

There are lots of people who have been dealt much worse hands in life.

I thing the reason most people think you're a pessimist when you claim to be a realist is that many pessimists justify themselves under the guise of realism. You could be a genuine realist but nobody's going to know the difference if you claim to be one or say that "you're just being realistic". To them you're just a pessimist in denial. And they can be right in some cases because some people really are pessimists hiding under the guise of realism. They'd also be wrong on occasion because not every realist is a pessimist.

I think there's actual evidence that all non-depressed people have a positive bias, which is ironically pretty dang depressing. Therefore when you go through life as a realist you become more and more irked at the fact that so many people are so full of s**t. Eventually you develop a negative bias by always distrusting the "official line" and overcompensating with negativity to avoid always being let down. There's nothing that gets me down more than "positive" lies. The very worst one is telling little kids they can "be anything they want to be" when they grow up. That's worse than telling them Santa Claus will bring them free toys even when mommy and daddy can't pay the rent.

I find sharkattack's situation very similar to mine and I can really understand what he means.

Driving is one thing I find too overwhelming to do. I actually got a license, but gave up driving because I just can't.

I think out of the things on the list in the OP, driving, as the OP himself suggested, is probably the first thing that he can achieve. So he can start from there.

I'm an immigrant from a different culture, where it's quite normal to live with parents. So I don't see anything wrong with living with them. But getting a sense of independence might change things. So maybe in that sense it can be the next step.

Any way, I don't think the OP is being negative. I think he is indeed being realistic. I even sense something positive in his statements of accepting the reality. I'm feeling exactly the same about discovering AS last year. Knowing what's been making my life so difficult is such a relief.

I also ditto that.

Not all truths are bubbly and filled with false happiness. Reality can hurt. Nothing wrong with seeing your life with clarity... but it doesn't mean its the end all be all. As long as you're breathing there is always the chance to make it better. sharkattack, if I can get my drivers license you can. I still can't believe I did it but I did. It was just as hard last week when I had to go in and get a new picture, but I did that too. Just keep trying. "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" ~ Dori (Finding Nemo) -- sorry, had to.

Meh been there done that. You should be far more worried about being jealous of yourself than others.

Your gonna look back on your life at some point and wish you had done things differently.

It's one thing to be realistic.

It's another thing to dwell on things, that do nothing for you.

Pseudo realistic. I'm autistic I can't get married.

Realistic, I'm austistic getting married seems like a waste of time, I better go find a brothel.

The main difference is one simply dwells on a state and implies inaction for a human brain this is the same as being negative.

The other describes a state and implies a action.

Human have to act to be healthy, so I'd argue it's what true realism is.

Pseudopositive( I'm gonna my soulmate) Again doens't require action just expecting a good thing.

I love the title. I used to say that all the time.

I am recently self diagnosed and in my 30s. I am glad to hear realizing this has helped with your guilt, because its doing the opposite to me. I hav to give up hope that there is something out there that will fix meand also let go of the denial that I felt it was me in the wrong situation or the other person or something., and I hav to accept this is how I always was and this is how I will always be.