I dont classify as an "aspie" anymore

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Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 7:17 pm

I have taken some tests recently and my score has improved. I have worked on my social skills quite a bit. And I no longer classify as someone with asperger's. Has anybody else have this happen? So, I guess that means I'm "normal"? I don't know. I don't care for labels but I was surprised when I learned that I don't classify as one anymore.



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04 Mar 2013, 8:12 pm

Congratulations! This means that your behavior can be indistinguishable from the behavior of "Neurotypicals" to a mental-health professional you can pass as one of "them".

This also means that you can compete on equal footing with those same neurotypicals, but with the experiences you've gained from the perspective of an Aspie ... experiences that they can't even begin to comprehend from your perspective. Sort of like being able to pass as a native in a foreign land, but with all the experiences and knowledge of an ambassador from your own.

This may also give hope to Aspies who believe that they are in hopeless situations - for some, things can get better.

Again, congratulations!


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04 Mar 2013, 8:58 pm

Which tests? Where did you find them?

I've felt the way you feel right now. I didn't feel like I was exhausting myself either. What you should know is that the severity and visibility of Asperger's can fluctuate. It can change the way it presents itself at different moments in your life. It's a developmental disorder. It's not always slower development it can be an abnormal development pattern.

My self-awareness didn't develop until late elementary school and I did all sorts of stupid things that made myself visible. At the end of elementary school and into highschool my development went from being very slow to a much more rapid pace. I accelerated. I was still behind but I understood things that I didn't understand before much more easily. I had theory of mind.

If you feel like you're functioning better than before, just wait until a stressful event in your life happens. Then you will realize you still have Asperger's and you always did it was just under control.

For me and probably for you, Asperger's isn't like a broken leg. It's more like a cold. When my immune system is strong (i.e. I'm not in distress and I'm emotionally healthy) my Asperger's has fewer symptoms and almost no symptoms. It's under control. I might have 1 or 2 symptoms but at the time I would probably be categorized as a BAP rather than an Aspie if I didn't already have a diagnosis. Then when my emotional/mental health starts to suffer or I am overwhelmed by some crisis in my life my immune system weakens. The cold gains strength. My Autistic symptoms become more intense and numerous. I start to make mistakes all over. My coordination is off. I'm clumsy but unlike my child self I still have self awareness so I'm aware of my mistakes it's just I'm out of rythm. I'm shaken by the strain I'm in and it's like playing DDR and missing all the steps. You see that you're missing the steps but you don't have the rhythim and you know how bad you're doing but you can't do an better.

That's where I am right now. My mental health is suffering so my immune system is weakened and my Autism that was unnoticable for maybe a year and a half is now very noticable. When my immune system was up it didn't take effort to socialize. I wasn't straining myself to keep up and I felt like I could do it forever but my Autism was still there beneath the surface and now it's back.


You didn't state your date of birth. I'm guessing you are relatively young? If you haven't had your Autism come flooding back yet it can. It can suddenly start causing troubles again after a period of invisibility.



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04 Mar 2013, 9:19 pm

I'm afraid we can't just let you leave like that, Jessicella. It isn't that simple. :twisted:

One of us... one of us...



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04 Mar 2013, 9:22 pm

Hello Jessicella. I used to be only painfully "Aspie" in my childhood, but then i forced myself to change. I did by myself, to myself, without help. I never trusted psychiatric or psychological paradigms. My aunt is a psychiatrist, but i hated it when she attempted to analyze me. Good thing she lived far away. Anyway, i became my own psychologist, analyzed myself. I hated being a recluse, anti-social, no friends, obsessive, etc, so i forced myself to do everything that was opposite to my original nature. I forced myself to leave my room, became a dictator to myself over several years, step by step, slow and agonizing.

What happened? I became outgoing, friendly and extroverted. I hungered for attention, liked to be on stage, be noticed and admired. I became loud, flamboyant, colorful and narcissistic. I met many interesting people, had many memorable adventures. It was great! BUT, i thought the old introverted me was wiped out forever, in fact it was not. I just created a second personality, a double me. Now i have swings between these two extremes. I am unable to keep all the interesting friends i met, because i notice their imperfections, irrationally hate them, and end up discarding them. I have very few friends, although i have met so many people.

So i am glad to have created a social extroverted me, and want to keep it, because can enjoy life in many ways. But i need to be more balanced and in control of these sudden swings, extreme highs & lows. That is what i am now trying to deal with now. Of course being more social, outgoing and social skills is always very good and helpful. But it does not necessarily mean the original you is wiped out forever. In my case it didn't happen, it was just covered up, and sometimes pops up again.



Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 9:48 pm

Fnord wrote:
Congratulations! This means that your behavior can be indistinguishable from the behavior of "Neurotypicals" to a mental-health professional you can pass as one of "them".

This also means that you can compete on equal footing with those same neurotypicals, but with the experiences you've gained from the perspective of an Aspie ... experiences that they can't even begin to comprehend from your perspective. Sort of like being able to pass as a native in a foreign land, but with all the experiences and knowledge of an ambassador from your own.

This may also give hope to Aspies who believe that they are in hopeless situations - for some, things can get better.

Again, congratulations!


Thanks. It's kind of weird calling myself a "neurotypical" though. It's just that my socialness (like I can "read inbetween the lines" so to speak a lot better than I used to as well as other things) isn't really autistic behavior. I mean, yeah I like my independence and solitude very very much but that can just be a personality trait.



Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 9:54 pm

seaturtleisland wrote:
Which tests? Where did you find them?

I've felt the way you feel right now. I didn't feel like I was exhausting myself either. What you should know is that the severity and visibility of Asperger's can fluctuate. It can change the way it presents itself at different moments in your life. It's a developmental disorder. It's not always slower development it can be an abnormal development pattern.

My self-awareness didn't develop until late elementary school and I did all sorts of stupid things that made myself visible. At the end of elementary school and into highschool my development went from being very slow to a much more rapid pace. I accelerated. I was still behind but I understood things that I didn't understand before much more easily. I had theory of mind.

If you feel like you're functioning better than before, just wait until a stressful event in your life happens. Then you will realize you still have Asperger's and you always did it was just under control.

For me and probably for you, Asperger's isn't like a broken leg. It's more like a cold. When my immune system is strong (i.e. I'm not in distress and I'm emotionally healthy) my Asperger's has fewer symptoms and almost no symptoms. It's under control. I might have 1 or 2 symptoms but at the time I would probably be categorized as a BAP rather than an Aspie if I didn't already have a diagnosis. Then when my emotional/mental health starts to suffer or I am overwhelmed by some crisis in my life my immune system weakens. The cold gains strength. My Autistic symptoms become more intense and numerous. I start to make mistakes all over. My coordination is off. I'm clumsy but unlike my child self I still have self awareness so I'm aware of my mistakes it's just I'm out of rythm. I'm shaken by the strain I'm in and it's like playing DDR and missing all the steps. You see that you're missing the steps but you don't have the rhythim and you know how bad you're doing but you can't do an better.

That's where I am right now. My mental health is suffering so my immune system is weakened and my Autism that was unnoticable for maybe a year and a half is now very noticable. When my immune system was up it didn't take effort to socialize. I wasn't straining myself to keep up and I felt like I could do it forever but my Autism was still there beneath the surface and now it's back.


You didn't state your date of birth. I'm guessing you are relatively young? If you haven't had your Autism come flooding back yet it can. It can suddenly start causing troubles again after a period of invisibility.


My teachers diagnosed me as autistic when I was like in preschool. When I got older like closer to Middle School, I was aspergers and basically stayed like that throughout high school and college. But yeah, I took like a doctor's test and a combination of online tests and they all say I'm not on the spectrum. I never heard of BAP. I am sorry your mental health isn't going great :( Don't know if I should state my exact age but I'm in my young 20's. I'm hoping to stay this way. I have never thought of my autism/aspergers as a disease or even a disorder...more of a personality trait that has a lot of uniqueness and quirks lol.



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04 Mar 2013, 9:56 pm

Jessicella wrote:
I have taken some tests recently and my score has improved. I have worked on my social skills quite a bit. And I no longer classify as someone with asperger's. Has anybody else have this happen? So, I guess that means I'm "normal"? I don't know. I don't care for labels but I was surprised when I learned that I don't classify as one anymore.


Actually, getting there. You can regress though. Some stressful events in my life along with taking SSRI's knocked me back into autistic territory in 2011, and I'm slowly reemerging. I think if you can stay NT long enough, and solidify the habits, it gets locked in. And you are no longer on the spectrum. It takes discipline to maintain NT though. I let myself slide when stressful things happened in 2010-11 and only since around November have I been on the road to recovery.

Tell me how you got "undiagnosed." I think I may give it a try in a year or two when I'm back to my 2009 NT self. And I think you should totally stick around to help others. I think it's a myth that one cannot overcome Asperger's. It's possible to get rid of it just like many other mental illnesses. It's well documented that up to a third of autistic children lose the diagnosis as adults (the % is probably higher among those who were aspie to begin with).



Last edited by Tyri0n on 04 Mar 2013, 10:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 9:56 pm

scarp wrote:
I'm afraid we can't just let you leave like that, Jessicella. It isn't that simple. :twisted:

One of us... one of us...


I wasn't going to leave lol. But I do feel like I'm intruding sometimes on these forums because I'm the same as everyone else anymore. But I still like to read people's posts and maybe give advice here and there.



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04 Mar 2013, 10:01 pm

Jessicella wrote:
scarp wrote:
I'm afraid we can't just let you leave like that, Jessicella. It isn't that simple. :twisted:

One of us... one of us...


I wasn't going to leave lol. But I do feel like I'm intruding sometimes on these forums because I'm the same as everyone else anymore. But I still like to read people's posts and maybe give advice here and there.


I doubt you're the only one, and the advice of people like you is much appreciated. In fact, I'd say someone like you is probably more valuable than that of a typical WP member such as myself, at least from a practical perspective.



Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 10:04 pm

MannyBoo wrote:
Hello Jessicella. I used to be only painfully "Aspie" in my childhood, but then i forced myself to change. I did by myself, to myself, without help. I never trusted psychiatric or psychological paradigms. My aunt is a psychiatrist, but i hated it when she attempted to analyze me. Good thing she lived far away. Anyway, i became my own psychologist, analyzed myself. I hated being a recluse, anti-social, no friends, obsessive, etc, so i forced myself to do everything that was opposite to my original nature. I forced myself to leave my room, became a dictator to myself over several years, step by step, slow and agonizing.

What happened? I became outgoing, friendly and extroverted. I hungered for attention, liked to be on stage, be noticed and admired. I became loud, flamboyant, colorful and narcissistic. I met many interesting people, had many memorable adventures. It was great! BUT, i thought the old introverted me was wiped out forever, in fact it was not. I just created a second personality, a double me. Now i have swings between these two extremes. I am unable to keep all the interesting friends i met, because i notice their imperfections, irrationally hate them, and end up discarding them. I have very few friends, although i have met so many people.

So i am glad to have created a social extroverted me, and want to keep it, because can enjoy life in many ways. But i need to be more balanced and in control of these sudden swings, extreme highs & lows. That is what i am now trying to deal with now. Of course being more social, outgoing and social skills is always very good and helpful. But it does not necessarily mean the original you is wiped out forever. In my case it didn't happen, it was just covered up, and sometimes pops up again.



Yay! That's awesome that you forced yourself to change; that's what I did too! I did it all by myself...well, online help, googling stuff, yahoo answers..so maybe I shouldn't say "all by myself" lol. And that's true. The only person who knows yourself best is you. I still like my solitude and independence very much (and I think it's the socialness is the biggest characteristic in autism) but have gotten better with many things and have gained a few friends. I'm still quiet and in my own little world at times....but who doesn't get like that? I can't say that I'm the complete opposite though like you have seemed to do. I think it's good to stay true to what your personality is. So, maybe you should go back to being on the introverted side a little bit? I like my laid back/introverted nature to be honest. It's good to be balanced. I have my moments where I can be a little crazy. I realize that I might creep back to my old ways but I would really like to keep this up like I have been for a month (maybe even longer than that).



Jessicella
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04 Mar 2013, 10:08 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
Jessicella wrote:
I have taken some tests recently and my score has improved. I have worked on my social skills quite a bit. And I no longer classify as someone with asperger's. Has anybody else have this happen? So, I guess that means I'm "normal"? I don't know. I don't care for labels but I was surprised when I learned that I don't classify as one anymore.


Actually, getting there. You can regress though. Some stressful events in my life along with taking SSRI's knocked me back into autistic territory in 2011, and I'm slowly reemerging. I think if you can stay NT long enough, and solidify the habits, it gets locked in. And you are no longer on the spectrum. It takes discipline to maintain NT though. I let myself slide when stressful things happened in 2010-11 and only since around November have I been on the road to recovery.

Tell me how you got "undiagnosed." I think I may give it a try in a year or two when I'm back to my 2009 NT self. And I think you should totally stick around to help others. I think it's a myth that one cannot overcome Asperger's. It's possible to get rid of it just like many other mental illnesses. It's well documented that up to a third of autistic children lose the diagnosis as adults (the % is probably higher among those who were aspie to begin with).


I know I can possibly go back to my old ways but I hope that doesn't happen to be honest. I'm doing good at work and don't want to screw that up. "undiagnosed"...I actually talked to someone who works with people who have special needs (a friend) and told them my history. I took different tests too. Turns out I'm not really an "aspie"...kinda weird to say that.



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04 Mar 2013, 10:19 pm

Jessicella wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Jessicella wrote:
I have taken some tests recently and my score has improved. I have worked on my social skills quite a bit. And I no longer classify as someone with asperger's. Has anybody else have this happen? So, I guess that means I'm "normal"? I don't know. I don't care for labels but I was surprised when I learned that I don't classify as one anymore.


Actually, getting there. You can regress though. Some stressful events in my life along with taking SSRI's knocked me back into autistic territory in 2011, and I'm slowly reemerging. I think if you can stay NT long enough, and solidify the habits, it gets locked in. And you are no longer on the spectrum. It takes discipline to maintain NT though. I let myself slide when stressful things happened in 2010-11 and only since around November have I been on the road to recovery.

Tell me how you got "undiagnosed." I think I may give it a try in a year or two when I'm back to my 2009 NT self. And I think you should totally stick around to help others. I think it's a myth that one cannot overcome Asperger's. It's possible to get rid of it just like many other mental illnesses. It's well documented that up to a third of autistic children lose the diagnosis as adults (the % is probably higher among those who were aspie to begin with).


I know I can possibly go back to my old ways but I hope that doesn't happen to be honest. I'm doing good at work and don't want to screw that up. "undiagnosed"...I actually talked to someone who works with people who have special needs (a friend) and told them my history. I took different tests too. Turns out I'm not really an "aspie"...kinda weird to say that.


Make sure you keep up your vitamin and mineral balance, and get plenty of exercise. Part of what knocked me back on the spectrum was spending a year cooped up in the law library and acquiring some vitamin deficiencies. There's nothing like D and Magnesium deficiencies to bring back one's sensory issues with a vengeance.



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04 Mar 2013, 10:46 pm

Jessicella wrote:

My teachers diagnosed me as autistic when I was like in preschool. When I got older like closer to Middle School, I was aspergers and basically stayed like that throughout high school and college. But yeah, I took like a doctor's test and a combination of online tests and they all say I'm not on the spectrum. I never heard of BAP. I am sorry your mental health isn't going great :( Don't know if I should state my exact age but I'm in my young 20's. I'm hoping to stay this way. I have never thought of my autism/aspergers as a disease or even a disorder...more of a personality trait that has a lot of uniqueness and quirks lol.


I'm not sure how important interpretation of the results is with doctor tests. Maybe you could talk about the results with a psychiatrist for interpretation if you haven't already done that. That could give you an even clearer picture than what you already have.

BAP stands for Broad Autism Phenotype. It's basically the extremely mild end of the Autistic spectrum. Someone with a Broad Autism Phenotype doesn't fit the diagnostic criteria for Autism but still has greater than average difficulty with socialization personality and laungauge. I didn't hear about it either until recently. It was mentioned on this forum.

I thought you were a young adult but that was just a guess because your posts sound like they could've been written by my clone. I figured "she's going through what I'm going through, maybe we're around the same age". I was close anyway. You're just a little bit older. I'm 19.



Last edited by seaturtleisland on 04 Mar 2013, 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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04 Mar 2013, 10:49 pm

okay *shrug* i will disagree first i spose.

i have a friend you is albanian. english is his second language. i have to think that if he moved here during his language development, he would not continue to make language missteps to this day. he is a busy man, a successful man; i have to think that if he trained himself in the art of the english language day after day, eventually he would be indistinguishable in terms of his grammar usage. then he could get to work on his accent. i spose that would resolve as well. we are talking a lot of work here.

sometimes i think of this analogy of trying to fix a car while it is driving. so my question is, do you not live a very stressful life? what afforded you the opportunity to resolve these issues?



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04 Mar 2013, 11:33 pm

I didn't take any quantifiable tests to have a relative comparison, but guaranteed 100% ~5 months ago I was very very very obviously on the spectrum & now.. well, my symptoms/traits have lessened dramatically & chances are pretty good that if I took the same tests the op took that I'd have similar results of being able to pass for NT. So, people can change over time w/ experiences, treatments, practice/determination etc.