Alexithymia Traits

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So, in my ongoing quest to understand where I sit on the specturm I have been trying to understand alexithymia and how it relates to me. As I read about it I see a lot of myself and my past self in the descriptions. The odd thing is that I was able to do quite well on those tests where you guess the emotion from the face or eyes etc. I would have thought that I would score poorly but I think I have learned at an intelectual level how to identify overt expressions but still see most peoples faces as unreadable in real-world interactions.

I guess my question is how does this fit with what you folks experience, in particular if you know you have the alexithymia trait and have also take those identifying emotions tests?

I can do well on RMET, but I don't do real-world equivalent at all. I am not trying to read people when I am interacting with them. I am not thinking about them at all.

I haven't studied this in depth but might resemble it.

I have a good longterm memory. Can't forget anything. What people tell me rings bells. Sensory overload.

But, I do not seem to be able to describe many things, unless in a state of quiet.

People get very worked up, around me, express anger that I am cool.

But, I feel so surprised, that I am neither here nor there.

This might be a timing issue. I seem to have the same hardware, but it doesn't seem to work when it's supposed to.

It's not about reading other people's faces/eyes/emotions, etc. It is an inability to identify your own emotions. I mean it naturally manifests in an inability to identify anyone's emotions, but it begins with your own. If you can identify and describe your own emotions, then you don't have alexithymia.

As far as reading other people's facial expressions in a practical sense, almost a little zen and those kind of skills have helped me some. For example--

If someone needs space, I try and just give them space, without the intermediate step of asking whether they should need space.

And I tell myself, hey, just let a medium mistake stay a medium mistake.

Thats a great plan were I able to know that kind of thing instinctively. I still cant judge it well with my wife and I have had 10 years to perfect that!

Yeah, it's an extension of not understanding your own emotions most of the time - heavy extremes are often more tangible and obvious. I have this in spades. I often only identify that I am in a good mood because I notice I seem talkative, suddenly go from feeling numb and rational to almost out of control with anger/stress but also my wife notices that I am clearly unhappy or anxious 15 minutes before I have any clue about it. I have tried to make sense of this stuff most of my life to the point of thinking I must be a psychopath a few years ago (then sociopath, then schizophrenic). Not only do I think I have it, I have spent hours and hours and hours of my life introspectively trying to makes sense of and understand this thing.

Also with gauging other peoples emotions I think it goes further than just being distracted with the conversation at hand. I don't know what the NT experience is exactly but I look at someone I am speaking to and, with most people, most of the time, what I see staring back is completely unreadable to me.

Apparently 89% of aspies have this.

Sorry if I am just stating the obvious here - I am quite new to all this and feel like I am learning serious, new things about myself every day now I have started looking into AS as an answer.

I had a similar realization today in that my apparent "empathy deficits" are a result of an inability to clearly experience my own emotions. Being high on "affect empathy" I often feel the emotions of others strongly, the problem is it simply feels BAD. My emotional bank account can't afford these "BAD" feelings so I have to either shut them down which makes me appear cold/unaffected...or I end up resenting the person and feeling as though I'm under attack (kind of a fight or flight).

Then I am told, "You have no empathy"