Worried a diagnosis will change my life.

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Hey all. I'm new around here!

I've got a bit on my mind... and this seems like a really good place to sort it out. If I ramble, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I was speaking with a dear friend, who is a counselor and very studied in psychopathology. She suggested I get tested for Asperger’s.
I am struggling a little with this. Not for fear of a confirmed diagnosis (I've suspected for a while) but I'm a bit afraid of how my life might change, or that I'll have to change my life because of it. I'm married, and while I love my husband dearly, we have communication problems frequently, which is most likely because I've got Asperger's.. He's the only person in the world I want to work out this stuff with, and I feel like having a confirmed diagnosis will allow the both of us to say, "Look, here's why this particular thing is difficult."

I just... I feel like I'm going to have to rework my whole life if this is confirmed.
It will be nice to finally be able to know, in my own mind, why I feel the tension I do with my family, my friends, in school, etc. And it's not like I've got to wear a giant neon sign above my head. I don't know...

To those of you that were diagnosed as adults, how did it change your life, or did it at all?

Yes, it changed my life. It changed me inside, and for the better, too, as I examined every incident and exchange in my long memory of growing up and becoming a woman. I sorta stopped being so damnably hard on myself, looking back. I started to get real self confidence because I could see how good at life I actually was for someone that hadn't been playing with a full deck (so to speak).

My biggest concern was 'what if other people find out." I know how neuro-typicals feel about people like us. I had to do some real character work now that I 'was one.' What I found out is that most people have enough on their own plates without digging into mine as well. Only those I told "noticed".

Good for you, SO, be brave, be courageous and know we are always here for ya'

Merle

Hopefully it will change your life for the better! Increased self-knowledge/self-awareness is a good thing, not a bad thing. You'll still be you (you always have been and will be, with or without the diagnosis)... But hopefully you'll have or be able to develop better ways of coping with things you struggle with.

Thank you! That portion of your reply really spoke to me. It would be so nice to have an answer, no matter what it is. Thank you for the time to reply!

Thank you. It helps a lot to feel like I'm part of a community that makes sense.... It's not official yet but the other forms and the people speak in a way that I really identify with.

Last edited by SummerObsession on 22 Mar 2013, 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Radically. It caused lots of depression and anxiety, too. But hopefully it also caused increased self-awareness that will make things better into the future.

Whilst it may be overwhelming in terms of what you're going to think about if you're diagnosed, whether or not you do you're still the same person at the end of it. And then you have the option of who to tell, so it seems getting diagnosed isn't a bad idea.

I kind of changed into a different person, I think. My entire view of the world collapsed. But, then again, I was not expecting to be DXed with Asperger's or on the spectrum at all. I did not know my issues as a child were autism.

So, OP, if you're expecting it, I don't think it's that traumatizing. What's horrible is if you think you're just bipolar or something, and suddenly, they spring Asperger's on you without warning.

If you suspect that you have it. Then by all means. Go get yourself tested. just like diabetes. Don't ignore it or live in denial about it. It won't go away and the more you know about, the better off in the long run you will be.

________________________
Ignorance is NOT bliss.

If it does change things, it can only be for the better; you've always had it, it's not like getting diagnosed will suddenly make you autistic when you never were before. Depending on how receptive your husband is, it should make your misunderstandings improve, because you'll be able to talk about what went wrong and why, and clear up any misunderstandings. My family has been a lot more patient with me ever since I found out, and they take the time to explain things now without automatically assuming I'm being annoying or belligerent and such. It's still hard, and we still sometimes run into problems, but overall it's been beneficial.

Diagnosis did change things, but for bester.

Yes, that is how I am beginning to feel after knowing for 6 years. like a different person. You know how mind blind you can get? Well I had NO idea I was autistic until in my fifties. Finding out about it was one of the biggest shocks in my life, getting diagnosed was anti-climactic.

Wow, I can't even think what that would be like. I've got so much anxiety and confusion just from my friend taking it so seriously, I'm not sure on official diagnosis could bring on any more. I'm pretty sure it would bring a lot of peace.

How do I deal with my husband then? I mean, if I end up in an argument with him, or if I'm frustrated because my boss of several years is not clear and then frustrated because I didn't infer, or whatever.... am I just supposed to all the sudden say, "Oh, well I have Asperger's so I'm going to need you to change that."

Anyway, this is all speculative right now anyway, and it won't change anything unless I know for sure. So,thank you all for replying, it's been some much needed comfort. I don't want to wast everyone's time with "what-if" for too long. This all will be much easier to think about if I get an official diagnosis. I'm leaning more towards yes, but I'll need to find out where to go in my area.

^^ This! I was 100% certain as soon as I read all the symptoms. It was like reading a book about my life. But for my own piece of mind I wanted a professional to agree with me. I had been given labels before, and tried to reconcile myself to them, but they just didn't seem to quite fit. Aspergers did, straight away.

Once I was diagnosed, the overwhelming feeling was relief. So this is why.



So, so, so, true. Your whole life gets a different perspective, so you understand and come to terms with what happened in the past, and you get ideas on how to make life a little easier in the future. I am the happiest I have ever been, since I got my diagnosis.

If you really think it sounds like you, then go for it.

Ah that's a good point actually, you could change your views about things in general. I think I was thinking something more like as a later poster points out - 'you don't suddenly become autistic after diagnosis', if you are diagnosed with it then you've had it before diagnosis as well.

I strongly suggest Rudy Simone's book : 22 Things A Woman with Asperger's Wants her Partner to Know
I got it out of the library, and found it was spot on about things I didn't even know were Aspergers. I gave it to my husband to read even before my diagnosis was confirmed. There were some long looks at me like 'ohhh, so that's Aspergers, I just thought you were crazy'. We found it helped a lot with the understanding.

Good luck with everything.