Have You Always Been All Alone?

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So you spoke about something as if it was your current experience but now you're saying it was a past experience?

I guess some people just have difficulty comprehending simple accounts.

No, I'd say you changed the story because I challenged it

No, you are just presumptuous and do not know what you are talking about.

I'm happy for you to explain it then

You were initially happy to give people the impression you feel alone when in a room full of friends, implying you have loads
of friends

now you say you don't have those friends any more

why say it in the first place then?

This is not something I would ever do ie imply I had a lot of friends when I didn't

How many friends do you have, honestly

I get very confused by this type of behaviour and just want to find out the facts

I'm not having a go at you, I'm just trying to pin down the truth of the matter

If you can't pin it down the first time, that's your problem. You don't know me and can not comment about my life in any legitimate way. I don't owe you anything, period.

You are the one contradicting yourself - one minute you're alone on a room full of friends, the next you aren't friends with them any more

You are now being very defensive - I will draw my own conclusions from this

No, you are simply annoying, like a buzzing mosquito.

But your sudden obsession with me is creepy. I will draw my own conclusions about you from that.

Is that true? Wow, I'm even worse than I thought. I have never got to know any neighbours, in fact where we live now they give me looks and are not nice. Mind you they do un-neighbourly things anyway, and I am such a private person I don't want to have to know people just because they happen to live next to me.

I don't go out making connections with anyone. My husband told the clinician who diagnosed me, that if people are rude to me I am rude back. I found this odd, that he stated it as if I shouldn't be, that it's not the done thing. Why shouldn't people stand up for themselves if people are rude, and that is something that I would imagine everyone believes irrespective of ASDs.

Although my last employment was over 8 years ago, my employment history has only ever brought me one invitation to something outside of work - which I believe was to make up numbers for an activity (horse riding), and I was sent on an in-house assertiveness course, because of my bluntness and faux pas they thought would score as aggressive (more fool them because I came out passive lol) and frequently saw colleagues looking down when I said anything.

I never initiate conversation with people I come into contact with and if they initiate it, it's very forced for me and I want it to end as quickly as possible. I have forced myself into situations I hated for the sake of my children to have socialising opportunities, and it has been mentally the most exhausting thing.

I have never taken anything for granted because of my personal experiences. I thought most Aspies had similar experiences with socialising, if not, I'm amazed it took so long for me to get diagnosed.

That's interesting - I haven't noticed anyone on any of the WP threads expressing how great their social life was . . .! !! !

I would have thought anyone regularly posting on this site has an unusual social life compared to the norm...

this isn't a bit of snark I'm detecting is it ?

Well here's an interesting thing in my case. After about 15 years of being a hermit, I started going back to church. Now I was brought up in a church environment and I'm a believer, so that helps a lot. And it's a very small down home kind of fellowship. Everyone there is very genuinely nice and down to earth. So, for the last four years I have been in roomfuls of people I like and who like me (or at least pretend to. We have get togethers at peoples houses and stuff like that. They all know I'm different. Some know I'm autistic. But they're an accepting bunch.

I can't say I've actually become friends with any of them though because none of them has ever given me a phone call or asked me hang out with them outside of scheduled church functions. So basically just a place where nice people are nice to me, but nothing beyond that. No one would go will go looking for me if I stop showing up.

But that at least gives me the illusion of having friends and a social life.

that sounds good to me - I've started socialising around my special interests and find it easier to have contact with people that way....the fact that you share your faith with others makes a bond with them..

I wrote the above words in answer to a post that seemed to be promoting a really narrow view of isolation and aspergers - namely that if we were ever in a room with friends this disproved our diagnosis. Which I think is BS and a very old fashioned idea about aspergers.

There are plenty of aspies that attend conferences, conventions and belong to special interest groups or hobbyists ... they may build up a network of acquaintances and friends, but still feel alone - and struggle regularly in groups.

I avoid groups as much as possible, and prefer to be with people one or two at a time, due in part to auditory processing problems - I find it tiring to follow conversation and struggle to stay focused. I want to wander off, I want to talk about my special interests and I get bored...