Telling my employer and colleagues I'm an aspie...

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Sorry, i've been a member for a while and often browse the forums, but rarely get involved in the discussions. I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice on this issue?

About eight months ago I started a new job which I love. For the first time in my life I have job where i'm actually in control of my workload. I can prioritise my work as I see fit and make my own decisions regarding what I think is best for the company. I obviously have to answer to someone, but if i do my job correctly then no one bothers me at all. The problem is there's a huge social culture within my workplace and it's driving me to despair. Like every job i've ever gotten, I've never stated i'm an aspie and I honestly don't think I would have gotten the job in the first place if I did. Day after day I make up excuse after excuse why I can't go out drinking afterwards and the truth is I hate socializing in groups. one on one I have all the confidence in the world and could socialize with a complete stranger, but in groups I get a massive dose of the fear. I have no idea why this happens and have long since stopped trying to understand why. The issue I have is that my colleagues are starting to think that I think I'm above them or just plain don't like them and nothing could be further from the truth. Infact one of my colleagues asked me a few days ago if I didn't go drinking with him because he was gay and I came so close to telling him the truth. If I tell one person it could easily go back to my boss and I could be sacked for providing false information on my CV. Man this is horrible. Sorry I know a lot of you have problems that are much worse than this, but I was hoping that maybe someone was in a similar situation or have been in the past?

I'd suggest taking a different path than revealing your diagnosis...

Just tell people that you are a bit shy and don't like drinking\socialising.

Much better than being labelled with having an ASD and ignorant people treating you differently.

You didn’t give false information. You withheld personal information that was not relevant. You don’t need to tell them if you’re left-handed or gay or a member of a minority religion or if you’re older than dirt or any other personal issues.

If you do tell them, you’ll be fired, but not for conscious discrimination. The knowledge will change the way they look at you, they’ll start playing gotcha, you’ll get fired, and the boss will go on with his life, innocently believing whatever nonsense he believes.

How about if you describe the one little symptom, that you feel anxious in big groups but would love to go out with just one or two coworkers at a time? Anxious to the point that it is extremely upsetting, and it doesn't make sense to do something so upsetting and call it "recreation." That is not being selfish, any more than someone with severe alergies refusing peanuts. It's unhealthy to do something so aversive, so you don't do it.

I don't know. I'm just making it up as I go along. Is it working?

Human resources at my workplace sent an email out asking employees to disclose any disabilities, because they want to be in line with the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) ... and they even said they wanted to provide resources for people who needed them. I struggled with that for a while, but my therapist finally convinced me that it might be a good course of action. I submitted in a very carefully worded, printed statement that I have "high functioning Asperger's syndrome," and that the chief thing I will occasionally need help with is getting past misunderstandings with my coworkers and supervisors. It used to be that I thought I was just a jerk in ways that I couldn't see and that's why people were always on my case, but after I got diagnosed with AS and after they asked us to disclose our disabilities, I realized it was an opportunity that might help me out.

Since then, I have still had problems with those who I work with, but twice now I've gone to Human Resources and asked them for advice on how to deal with situations I don't understand. This setup has been working pretty well for me so far.

I'm not sure every workplace is like mine, though -- I think I'm pretty lucky that those on top have made these humane decisions and provided these resources. I just want to make it to retirement without any more situations that used to happen where I'd come in to work and discover that everyone was mad at me and I didn't have a clue as to why. So I guess my situation is a little different than most people's with AS, especially since I haven't told my direct supervisor or immediate coworkers of my AS -- only Human Resources knows. I can certainly see, though, how some people may be prejudiced against the whole concept of Asperger's and may start treating me badly in subtle ways. But, hey, if they're subtle ... the good news is that I won't even notice or realize they're doing it!

Read around here before you take ANYONE's advice. I've noticed some people tend to be VERY negative and seem to always think the absolute worst about NTs. That's seriously inappropriate, and rather biased.

I asked the same exact question as you on this board and was given rather poor advice-- stay silent, lie, or tell a half-truth.

Be true to yourself. Do you want to tell? Then do so, but do it appropriately-- meaning, ask the HR department for their policies and procedures on how to file a reasonable accommodation for ADA, and then if you get fired, you can sue them. (That would be the worst case scenario, and it depends on what country you are in.)

I recently "outed" myself very publically and at work as well. I have had ZERO problems. Literally, ZERO. My life is a heckuva lot better now-- I don't feel like I'm living a lie. I feel like I can be myself. I found out that I was seriously WRONG by thinking the worst about other people (i.e., that they would hate me or treat me inappropriately or whatever).

I know that you will be told I am totally wrong, and I'm sure there are horror stories on this board from people who were in fact discriminated against-- but, honestly, what do you want? It sounds like you would LIKE to be treated a bit differently. That is, everyone else takes part in this social culture, but you don't want to... and it doesn't really sound like you want to be invited to, either. I had to come to grips with the fact that, in all honesty, I DO in fact want to be treated differently. Actually, it was in the same way as you: There is also a "let's hang out" social culture where I work (not continuous, but in specific instances) and, although I like the people that I work with, I don't want to hang out with them after work.

There are some things that you can do in order to help "break the ice" for yourself before coming out publically or in a big way. Namely, start small: Do you have anyone in your life that you can trust? Tell that person. See how it goes. Don't tell people that you are pretty sure will ditch you, or else that negative experience will prevent you from opening up more in the future.

I don't post a ton on this board because I've found that my opinions are not valued by others on here and not shared by others on here, either. I don't hate NTs or think the worst of them, which seems to be the predominate attitude on this board. So, I would expect the next comments to be ones that "put me in my place" so to speak and inform you of how terribly wrong I am.

For the record, I am the happiest I've ever been now that I don't feel like I'm hiding. My anxiety level has dropped dramatically, and I would not take back anything I've done in recent months if given the opportunity.

I wish you well.

I too have had nothing but a good experience disclosing to everyone at work. My managers and co-workers have been awesomely accepting of me. They have even given me stim toys and helped me when I was on the verge of a meltdown!

"I have agoraphobia" has always worked for me.

it is a boundary issue. plenty of people keep work at work and home at home. state youve had trouble in the past with become peoples boss/other people becoming your boss/dating someone from work/some coworkers feeling left out/etc. and prefer to keep your relationships compartmentalized so no one gets hurt. this isnt just reasonable, its respectable.

if they still need validation that you actually enjoy their company, tell them to go to therapy

How about if we just tell NT's they have cooties?